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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 19:09:07
year....or do you think you will be posting about the same things and triggers you have since you joined babble? Me I see change...how about you? If so how so? If no......why ...maybe Dr Bob google yourself and see if you really have seen a change in yourself..its intresting
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2005, at 19:33:34
In reply to Progess in your life..see any from last year? this, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 19:09:07
It might be interesting for us to look up each other (or work from memory) and comment on progress. Sometimes it's easier for others to see first.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 19:42:29
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this » Fallen4MyT, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2005, at 19:33:34
> It might be interesting for us to look up each other (or work from memory) and comment on progress. Sometimes it's easier for others to see first.
I would be afraid to do that because I think Dr Bob might consider it uncivil to say to someone that they have made no progress and are still talking on the same things ....I agree it would be cool though :) I do see some posters on here who have made a lot of progess and some who look like they stood still ..now granted its all just what they say we do not see one another 3 D
Posted by peacefeline on January 3, 2005, at 23:11:08
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this » Dinah, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 19:42:29
Oh, LOTS of progress! Unfortunately, all of it was gotten to, the hard way. :-(
But now I can kind of look back, which is what I did, and I was writing in my journal & made a list, just for grins, of all the stuff I learned about in 2004. Learned at least a little bit. The list shocked me with its length!
Not too much of it was learned in any real depth, I just had to learn a lot of it on the fly as I needed it. So now I've started going back to the items on the list and am looking at them again, to get a better understanding of them.
It didn't really feel like I'd accomplished a lot besides crying--till I looked at that list. Clearly, I didn't cry through the whole year.
Susan
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 23:38:30
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this, posted by peacefeline on January 3, 2005, at 23:11:08
Doesn't it feel good to look and see what you have accompished and how much better you are :) Granted I have had years when I looked back and seen I was a mess and really that self exam was the catalyst to even better next year :) BTW COOL SCREEN NAME :)
> Oh, LOTS of progress! Unfortunately, all of it was gotten to, the hard way. :-(
>
> But now I can kind of look back, which is what I did, and I was writing in my journal & made a list, just for grins, of all the stuff I learned about in 2004. Learned at least a little bit. The list shocked me with its length!
> Not too much of it was learned in any real depth, I just had to learn a lot of it on the fly as I needed it. So now I've started going back to the items on the list and am looking at them again, to get a better understanding of them.
> It didn't really feel like I'd accomplished a lot besides crying--till I looked at that list. Clearly, I didn't cry through the whole year.
> Susan
Posted by daisym on January 4, 2005, at 1:06:47
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this » Dinah, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 19:42:29
I wonder if we all have the same definition of progress. Some of the subtle things we might not see as progress, yet someone else would...
I go back and reread my posts but often it just makes me feel despair because I hear myself saying the same thing over and over again. It is all about not trusting for me. My therapist keeps telling me about the spiral, going around and around the same thing. Maybe my progress is that at least I see that I'm entering the struggle again, even if I can't stop from going there.
I haven't even thought of a New Year's resolution yet!
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 1:38:35
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this » Fallen4MyT, posted by daisym on January 4, 2005, at 1:06:47
Daisy we may all have different opinions as to what progress is but I left that to the poster to define for themselves. So if I am correct and read you right you are saying you see the spiral and didn't see that in the past? Would that then not be progress to you? See I do not want to define someone else's progress.
I think it is a good thread because it may make us take a good look at ourselves and even if we made zero progress or went backwards....it's a step forward to SEE really see ourselves and where we are at now and came from. Hope we can all be objective
Oddly, I made my new years resolutions and I am one of those very strange people who keeps them I always keep them..one of mine is NOT to buy ANY more lotions or soaps until I use up the zillions I have already :) It will save us a small fortune> I wonder if we all have the same definition of progress. Some of the subtle things we might not see as progress, yet someone else would...
>
> I go back and reread my posts but often it just makes me feel despair because I hear myself saying the same thing over and over again. It is all about not trusting for me. My therapist keeps telling me about the spiral, going around and around the same thing. Maybe my progress is that at least I see that I'm entering the struggle again, even if I can't stop from going there.
>
> I haven't even thought of a New Year's resolution yet!
>
>
Posted by Joslynn on January 4, 2005, at 10:31:12
In reply to Progess in your life..see any from last year? this, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 19:09:07
I see progress in me. I ended an over-dependence on my pdoc, who was also a secondary therapist, and now I see him a lot less often. This was very hard but circumstances occurred that forced me to see the futility of the dependency, then I just had to extricate myself. Of course there was an almost unbearable feeling of abandonment before that.
I also can stand up to my father a little bit better during family gatherings and such. This is an ongoing challenge.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 18:30:33
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year?, posted by Joslynn on January 4, 2005, at 10:31:12
Joslynn this sounds a little like what I have found for myself. I am more assertive though it isnt easy I am doing a lot better saying no...(not perfect) to family members too. My T well lol that is another story but I have found that IF I lost him that I will be fine the world will not stop. That is freeing. It feels good to look back and see what you have done and can do. I like taking stock. I have also found I am a little stronger than I was in general. I am so glad to hear of your progress :)
> I see progress in me. I ended an over-dependence on my pdoc, who was also a secondary therapist, and now I see him a lot less often. This was very hard but circumstances occurred that forced me to see the futility of the dependency, then I just had to extricate myself. Of course there was an almost unbearable feeling of abandonment before that.
>
> I also can stand up to my father a little bit better during family gatherings and such. This is an ongoing challenge.
>
>
Posted by Klokka on January 4, 2005, at 19:25:07
In reply to Progess in your life..see any from last year? this, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 19:09:07
I've seen a bit of progress over the last year, but also a few things which have worsened; though the latter I can trace back to something which happened a few months ago. I can cope much better with anxiety; I had to let a bunch of assignments go last year because I just couldn't handle it, but now I can force myself to get it over with. I understand better why I do and feel certain things, and can usually put that to good use. Most recently, I've been able to entertain the thought that maybe I'm not as absolutely horrible as I've thought myself to be... and my pdoc may have a point when he says that I believe those negative thoughts a little bit less, now.
For a while, trust came more naturally to me, but some events in my life changed that. Now it's hard even to talk to my pdoc honestly without either suspecting he'll turn on me someday or being overwhelmed by the knowledge that I'll lose him. Things have been similar with others in my life. I'd like to think that it'll resolve itself, but it's been four months and it's only worsened. I imagine that having my boyfriend move across the country and losing my pdoc (too old to continue going to the clinic) won't help, but both of those will happen in the summer so hopefully things will have improved by then.
Posted by Poet on January 4, 2005, at 20:32:21
In reply to Progess in your life..see any from last year? this, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 3, 2005, at 19:09:07
I see no progress. I'm more depressed, still have trouble opening up in therapy, meds were just increased and I didn't get through the holidays without bingeing and purging. My self esteem is zero.
So as I enter 2005, I'm stuck in Spring 2004.
Though I did finally get a temp job, but that's not emotional progress, it's just an economic bandaid. Add negative thoughts to all of the above.
Poet
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 23:07:09
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this, posted by Klokka on January 4, 2005, at 19:25:07
Wow you sound like you have made more progress than not. The anxiety lessening must be a God send and your ability to function sounds much better from your post. The loss of a boyfriend and a T pending to moving and age...could that maybe be why you trust less and are feeling out of sorts in ways due to impending abadonment issues..I know for myself its MUCH easier to deal with something once its happens rather than waiting for it....Could that maybe be a part of it? I feel for you cause thats a lot on you..Yet YOU have made a lot of progress and that always feels good. We ..as in none of us....can have total progress across the board..I wish we could :) Keep it up you should be proud :)
> I've seen a bit of progress over the last year, but also a few things which have worsened; though the latter I can trace back to something which happened a few months ago. I can cope much better with anxiety; I had to let a bunch of assignments go last year because I just couldn't handle it, but now I can force myself to get it over with. I understand better why I do and feel certain things, and can usually put that to good use. Most recently, I've been able to entertain the thought that maybe I'm not as absolutely horrible as I've thought myself to be... and my pdoc may have a point when he says that I believe those negative thoughts a little bit less, now.
>
> For a while, trust came more naturally to me, but some events in my life changed that. Now it's hard even to talk to my pdoc honestly without either suspecting he'll turn on me someday or being overwhelmed by the knowledge that I'll lose him. Things have been similar with others in my life. I'd like to think that it'll resolve itself, but it's been four months and it's only worsened. I imagine that having my boyfriend move across the country and losing my pdoc (too old to continue going to the clinic) won't help, but both of those will happen in the summer so hopefully things will have improved by then.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 23:17:18
In reply to Everything old is new again, posted by Poet on January 4, 2005, at 20:32:21
Poet....you know me well enough by now to know I will not discount what you say...because you know what is going on with you best...I will say..that a job is for ME something I wish I could hold or even try for because my anxiety holds me back..sure I can use the cash big time but a job for me would also mean some higher fuctioning in my life...maybe you can take a look at that for yourself it is a plus....On the down side...I have had years some in a row like in 2002 and 2003 where I was a mess and down looked up to me...I was in a psychward for a night seeing a T and PDOC TAKING PSYCH MEDS stuff I NEVER had to do in my life..even when I was agoraphobic which was also a horrible run of about 2 years many years ago.....so my point is, you will make progess and be happier.....when; I cannot say we all go up and down to some extent...youre on a down...due for an UP :)
HUGS AND IT TAKES A LOT OF HONESTY TO SAY WHAT YOU DID..thats good ..a lotta people BS themselves
HUGE HUGS
> I see no progress. I'm more depressed, still have trouble opening up in therapy, meds were just increased and I didn't get through the holidays without bingeing and purging. My self esteem is zero.
>
> So as I enter 2005, I'm stuck in Spring 2004.
>
> Though I did finally get a temp job, but that's not emotional progress, it's just an economic bandaid. Add negative thoughts to all of the above.
>
> Poet
Posted by Klokka on January 4, 2005, at 23:26:30
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this » Klokka, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 23:07:09
Yeah, going into therapy was one of the best decisions I've ever made. (I started about a year ago now.) I think that the death of my pets (less than two months apart) probably triggered the lack of trust, but the impending losses definitely contribute. I've been detached from my pdoc now for a couple of months and no doubt a good part of that is knowing termination is in 7-9 months. A lot of stuff has happened since I last saw him before the holidays, though, so hopefully that will change.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 23:32:24
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this » Fallen4MyT, posted by Klokka on January 4, 2005, at 23:26:30
Aw I am sorry on your pets :*( I have cats and a dog and just know you must hurt badly. I have lost pets they are more family than family in many cases
I will say something odd...maybe even crazy :) but I think its smart to slowly back away from your PDOC its like a self protective thing IMO and I do not see it as something to overcome...you can still work therapy and step back a few steps....I find it a safe way and smart defense but maybe thats not smart or right...JMO> Yeah, going into therapy was one of the best decisions I've ever made. (I started about a year ago now.) I think that the death of my pets (less than two months apart) probably triggered the lack of trust, but the impending losses definitely contribute. I've been detached from my pdoc now for a couple of months and no doubt a good part of that is knowing termination is in 7-9 months. A lot of stuff has happened since I last saw him before the holidays, though, so hopefully that will change.
Posted by Klokka on January 4, 2005, at 23:54:04
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this » Klokka, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 23:32:24
>I will say something odd...maybe even crazy :) but I think its smart to slowly back away from your PDOC its like a self protective thing IMO and I do not see it as something to overcome...you can still work therapy and step back a few steps....I find it a safe way and smart defense but maybe thats not smart or right...JMO
I think that makes a lot of sense and is probably something I'll have to do in the months to come. The problem in this case is that it's not a matter of slowing backing away; I just show up to sessions and waste the time because I can't bring myself to say anything of substance and am not sure I want to. I should bring this up, soon, though, since I think the sooner there's a plan for termination the better, especially since it means that at the end of the summer I will have lost all major local support for probably a couple of years.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 5, 2005, at 0:08:52
In reply to Re: Progess in your life..see any from last year? this » Fallen4MyT, posted by Klokka on January 4, 2005, at 23:54:04
I would say you are right and do need to talk with the T on this next session...you need a good deal of time and support from your PDOC to move out of this smoothly or as smooth as possible. I also pray you find more support than you have now in the next couple /few months. This has to be hard. I think hard beyond my comprehension and please PLEASE talk to T on it asap and just say youre not saying much and why and maybe you will move to a new doc while seeing T to make it less difficult?
> >I will say something odd...maybe even crazy :) but I think its smart to slowly back away from your PDOC its like a self protective thing IMO and I do not see it as something to overcome...you can still work therapy and step back a few steps....I find it a safe way and smart defense but maybe thats not smart or right...JMO
>
> I think that makes a lot of sense and is probably something I'll have to do in the months to come. The problem in this case is that it's not a matter of slowing backing away; I just show up to sessions and waste the time because I can't bring myself to say anything of substance and am not sure I want to. I should bring this up, soon, though, since I think the sooner there's a plan for termination the better, especially since it means that at the end of the summer I will have lost all major local support for probably a couple of years.
Posted by Poet on January 6, 2005, at 20:26:12
In reply to Re: Everything old is new again » Poet, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 23:17:18
Thanks Fallen4MyT,
I appreciate the hugs and the hope that things will go up. Thanks for sharing your story.
I will try hard to think of working as higher functioning. It may have taken me nine months to get a job, even a temp one, but I can go to work everyday without falling apart and that is a plus.
Poet
This is the end of the thread.
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