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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shortelise on January 20, 2005, at 23:46:49
It's grey outside, a big grey rainy world, full of puddles, and mud, and splashing cars.
Staying at home and making my indoors into a cosy home is wonderful. But I am beginning to feel like crying all the time. Saw my T today and we talked about depression being cyclical, and how it's biological with me - my mother and sister are both given to periods of depression.
I am going to rent a light box, and continue to try to do things to get me out of this pattern. It feels like a familiar place I go to, one I should not go to, but that I go to anyway. I feel it, I am aware of it, but it's as though I am too tired to choose something else.
I am also going to increase the Celexa I am taking. I think. I'm not exactly sure. I am a little afraid of it.
So. Maybe someone here will have some insight into breaking out of this pattern. I have begun a drawing, walked for a couple of miles today, and still feel like icky-poo. Now, there's an offensive expression. Icky-poo. I think the word I really mean, the one that describes the end result of good digestion, is far less offensive. I digress.
I feel awful. I'll keepyou posted on the light therapy.
Thanks for reading me.
ShortE
Posted by daisym on January 21, 2005, at 0:57:53
In reply to depressed again, posted by Shortelise on January 20, 2005, at 23:46:49
I hate the gray too. (Is it an "e"? I live in Ca and our ex-gov screwed up my spelling on that word forever.) It is too foggy and too cold.
I'm managing my depression right now by working hard, by dressing up for work and by spending time with other people. I'm making myself go to committee meetings and BOD stuff and community stuff. Even Church. These are all things I want to avoid but once I get there, I feel a bit better. Like, "yes, i still know what I'm doing." I'm also going to take a class with one of my kids which should be fun. And dressing up helps me remember that I can look OK.
I still spend too much time on the computer and too much time in therapy. But I baked last night and made bread over the weekend. Very satisfying. Just wish they didn't eat it in 5 seconds.
I'm sorry you are in that dark place. I hate that place. But you aren't alone. I'm out here somewhere.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 6:59:48
In reply to depressed again, posted by Shortelise on January 20, 2005, at 23:46:49
I'm sorry, ShortE. I know some people have gotten excellent results with the light box. I'd be interested to know how it works with you. Do you find your depression cycles are seasonal?
I understand about being afraid of the increase, but if it's a cyclical depression with you, maybe you and your psychiatrist can work out a pattern of increasing the medications when needed then dropping them back down to minimize side effects. I'm back on the Luvox I hoped never to be on again, and am counting the days till I feel well enough to get off it.
Posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 9:38:13
In reply to depressed again, posted by Shortelise on January 20, 2005, at 23:46:49
The lightbox, walking and drawing are all great ideas. Could you add in something to the mix that gets you around some people? That sounds like it would be a good addition to the things you are already doing.
Posted by Shortelise on January 21, 2005, at 13:12:44
In reply to Re: depressed again, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 9:38:13
Thanks, Joslynn. I do need to be around people, and my husband, poor man, must be just sick of me. We have a student living with us, but her English is so poor I'm not sure we ever really communicate!
But depressed people are so depressing. I hate to inflict myself on my friends. Here I am, the bad news bear *again*.My best friend might be able to stand me. I'll ask. Thanks again.
ShortE
Posted by Shortelise on January 21, 2005, at 13:18:28
In reply to Re: depressed again » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 6:59:48
My husband is on his way here right now with the light box.
I don't know if the depression is seasonal. I'm not very analytical about it - it falls on my head and I'm in it.
My T and I talked yesterday about going off the meds in summer, as he thinks I am not a person who needs to stay on it indefinitely.
I think I will call him and ask him if I should increase it for the time being.
Thanks. I was afraid of going on it in the first place, and now I can try to remember what a big difference it made.
Thanks again, Joslynn. I think I may be the same as you, that periodically I'll need meds. It may just be a fact of life. I do hope you can come off Luvox as soon as you hope to.
ShortE
Posted by Shortelise on January 21, 2005, at 15:15:59
In reply to Re: depressed again, posted by daisym on January 21, 2005, at 0:57:53
Grey is the English spelling, and gray is the American. I think.
Argh, grey, gray, gris, grau, by any other name says get thee under thy bed.
I've just spent 30 minutes drawing in front of the light box - my first session with it. I feel a little less like going back to sleep. I'll set it to come on in the morning. I'm also going to try it on the backs of my knees.
It's important to learn to manage depression, as you put it, and I think I may be in the midst of learning how to do that. It's really encouraging to read you are having some success in doing so.
The creative things are important, including cooking. Now if I could just get my behind outside.
Thanks for writing, Daisy. Feeling less alone helps very much.
ShortE
Posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 16:08:00
In reply to Re: depressed again, posted by Shortelise on January 21, 2005, at 15:15:59
During my first episode of severe depression, which I slogged through without meds (I'm not saying others should do this, but it was the early 90s, before ADs were as accepted and I refused to take them) it helped me to read long, somewhat complicated novels. (I am one of those people who can still read when I am depressed, I know this is hard for some.)
Strangely, I remember that Anna Karenina made me feel somewhat less depressed, which is ironic because of the tragic ending. But focusing on it helped me.
Also, anything by Jane Austen helps me. Of course, for very, very dark times, there are the Psalms, but I don't want to get religious on this board.
Oh, another weird thing, sometimes going to the laundromat and doing laundry or cleaning my bathroom helped me, which is quite bizarre, because I hate doing those things when I feel good!
Posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 16:34:54
In reply to Re: depressed again, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 16:08:00
Now that I remember it more, I wasn't able to read when I was right in the middle of the severe depression. In the middle, I was usually curled up on the kitchen floor crying. Guess we've all been there one way or another. But when the depression got a little better, then I was able to crack open a book, and somewhat complicated books about other time periods really helped.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 17:20:16
In reply to depressed again, posted by Shortelise on January 20, 2005, at 23:46:49
ShortE I am sorry :( I know the winter gets me down more anxious than down. I am looking into buying a lightbox but I have been told it takes 30 minutes a day and about a month to feel the effects...what I was told anyhow....Exercise is good like swimming at the Y maybe ,..its cheap and they have early lap time no kids....gives you an endrophin high
HUGS
> It's grey outside, a big grey rainy world, full of puddles, and mud, and splashing cars.
>
> Staying at home and making my indoors into a cosy home is wonderful. But I am beginning to feel like crying all the time. Saw my T today and we talked about depression being cyclical, and how it's biological with me - my mother and sister are both given to periods of depression.
>
> I am going to rent a light box, and continue to try to do things to get me out of this pattern. It feels like a familiar place I go to, one I should not go to, but that I go to anyway. I feel it, I am aware of it, but it's as though I am too tired to choose something else.
>
> I am also going to increase the Celexa I am taking. I think. I'm not exactly sure. I am a little afraid of it.
>
> So. Maybe someone here will have some insight into breaking out of this pattern. I have begun a drawing, walked for a couple of miles today, and still feel like icky-poo. Now, there's an offensive expression. Icky-poo. I think the word I really mean, the one that describes the end result of good digestion, is far less offensive. I digress.
>
> I feel awful. I'll keepyou posted on the light therapy.
>
> Thanks for reading me.
>
> ShortE
>
>
Posted by Daisym on January 21, 2005, at 20:33:07
In reply to Re: depressed again, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 16:08:00
Reading helps me too. First it was the Harry Potter series...not complicated but long and I could go from one to the next. Then I reread the Hobbit and Ring trilogy. I think then I moved into my Yalom period and read everything he wrote.
I like kid books/boy books too...my kids are readers and I like to be able to talk about books with them. They forced me to read "Eragon" and most recently "Swords for Hire" and "A Wrinkle In Time." I've got them reading "The Time Traveler's Wife."
I'm always looking for books to read. Maybe it helps us quiet the overactive, negative thoughts during the depression?
But you are right, when I'm really in the middle of it, I can't concentrate. Then magazines are my friend!
Posted by Shortelise on January 21, 2005, at 21:27:53
In reply to Re: depressed again, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 16:08:00
Escape is where I want to go, and reading does it for me, too. My husband has found the same thing, said that "Journey to the End of the Night" by L-F.Celine saved his life, and it has to be one of the most depressing books on earth.
For me it has to do with getting absorbed in someone else's life, and it HAS to have a fairly happy ending. And I need to read easy things at this time. I go to the library and get an armful of kids' books, and read them.
So, yes, reading - a good point, thank you. I was plannning a trip to the library tomorrow to get more books on tape - I'll get some books too.
I don't think there is a 18th or 19th century English or American novel that is readable that I haven't read. I do listen to books on tape, ones I've already read, and the unabridged versions, the ones where there can be 10-20 tapes, are wonderful. I can listen and do things, and not get too bogged down in feeling horrible - I am so absorbed. I highly recommend them. Even the abridged, light books are great sometimes. The romance novels - and there are many - are awful, really and truly awful. They seem to find the most obnoxious readers for those.
That doing laundry of cleaning the bathroom makes you feel better, well, is that because you feel you've accomplished something? Or is it something you need to discuss in therapy? :-)
I went for a long walk to day, for about an hour. I am feeling a little lighter.
Thanks, Joslynn.
ShortE
Posted by Shortelise on January 21, 2005, at 21:31:02
In reply to Re: depressed again » Shortelise, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 17:20:16
Tahnks for the hugs, fallen. I don't know why, but it seems my friends aren't around much right now, and hugs are GOOD.
I rented a light box for a month, for about USD45, and as far as I understand, it begins to work right away. But I'll keep you posted.
Swimming is a good idea, too. THanks.
ShortE
Posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2005, at 22:38:12
In reply to Re: depressed again, posted by Shortelise on January 21, 2005, at 15:15:59
>>
> Argh, grey, gray, gris, grau, by any other name says get thee under thy bed.I love it! Today was the first day of sun in a couple of weeks here, but it will only last today, and then it's more snow. Whoopee! I have a book that your post reminds me of. It's called "What Would Shakespeare Do?". It's one of those little mini-coffee table books, and it's got a bunch of topics/scenarios, and then has a quote and sometimes a few sentences relating it to the situation. I love it.
I also use a light box. I can definitely tell if I miss a day, so much that I ordered a portable one for when I have to travel next weekend and in March. I'm curious though about what you meant by using it on the back of your knees?
>Take care,
gg
Posted by Shortelise on January 22, 2005, at 12:36:29
In reply to Re: depressed again » Shortelise, posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2005, at 22:38:12
gg,
No small wonder my post reminded you of Shakespeare - Shakespeare and I are obviously made of the same cloth. :-)
I heard something about light therapy and the backs of knees some time ago - I just looked it up and found this reference:
"A recent study, published in Science showed that 13,000lux of bright light applied to the back of each subject's knees could shift their sleep-wake cycles. Researchers used a small low-heat light blanket called a BiliBlanket. This blanket is used to administer phototherapy to newborn infants who have a toxic buildup of Bilirubin in the bloodstream. It costs over $2500 even with a physician's discount. If this is possible, then it might theoretically work for SAD. This study needs to be replicated with individuals of different skin types, and it needs to be specifically tested for SAD. If it were effective and if the price came down, one might be able to use a light blanket for a few hours before waking instead of sitting in front of a light box with eyes open." http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/depression/sad.asp
Yesterday I used the box for 1/2 hour, and this morning I woke up ready to go two hours earlier than I have been waking up. But yesterday, after I used the box, I went to sleep for about three hours. I think I'll give into my need to sleep, and hope that the light helps get me back to a normal sleep pattern.
I read "The typical symptoms of SAD include depression, lack of energy, increased need for sleep, a craving for sweets and weight gain" and that is SO much what I've been going through.
Thanks for writing, letting me know that the light box helps you. I feel optimistic. I also need a nap.
ShortE
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