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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cubic_me on February 4, 2005, at 8:33:29
I'm meant to be in group therapy, but for various reasons I haven't been able to make the last 3 sessions and I won't be able to make one in 2 weeks time either. I feel like I'm getting more and more depressed and can't really see a way out of it, and I'm not ready to talk about it in group, especially having been away for so long. Going back to my old T is an option, but although she was excellent, I left because I thought we weren't really moving forward.
I've got a vague option of going for a few sessions of CBT, but that's scary! I can't be bothered to do anything about all of these options, but I can't stop going over it in my head either.
I wish someone would just tell me what to do!!
Posted by sunny10 on February 4, 2005, at 9:35:58
In reply to I don't know where I am any more, posted by cubic_me on February 4, 2005, at 8:33:29
what are the reasons that you didn't make it to group?
Posted by cubic_me on February 4, 2005, at 9:42:11
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more, posted by sunny10 on February 4, 2005, at 9:35:58
> what are the reasons that you didn't make it to group?
>I don't want to post anything too identifying, but one of the weeks I had an exam, and the other two were things that were very important for me to go to, and the dates were out of my control. I don't think that me missing these sessions was a form of avoidence, transference, subconcious feelings etc, but I could never be sure, however if I had had nothing else on on those days, I pretty much definately would have gone to group.
Posted by Daisym on February 4, 2005, at 11:10:30
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more » sunny10, posted by cubic_me on February 4, 2005, at 9:42:11
It seems that you've been struggling with this group since you transfered in. Can you go see your old therapist a couple of times to help you with the depression enough so you can either go back to the group or move toward the CBT? It sounds like you are in that state of inertia that comes on when the depression deepens. Or, maybe call the group leader?
I'm sorry things are so hard. Maybe do something fun this weekend...
Posted by B2Chica on February 5, 2005, at 19:02:10
In reply to I don't know where I am any more, posted by cubic_me on February 4, 2005, at 8:33:29
Hey sweetie.
i'm definately not a person of great wisdom...but that doesn't stop me from putting in my 2c. ;^)-i know that you have been 'not comfortable' (not sure if right words) with the group (or T) since the getgo.
-if you had to miss the sessions, you had to miss them. end of story-don't fret, just continue on.HOWEVER, the fact that you have circling thoughts on DBT vs. CBT, group vs. indiv. -and possibly different therapist all make me think that you need to follow your gut on this one.
-ask yourself some important questions. when you do go to group, why do you go? is it because someone told you you needed this kind of therapy and you're just following schedule? or because once you started you are getting somethihng out of it?
ask yourself is it helping? have you noticed any difference in your behaviors/situations, are you getting more comfortable or do you want to just get each session 'overwith'.Maybe it's time to try out a completely different therapist (which doesn't necessarily mean stopping and starting new-continue as 'scheduled'. but take a look around also). that may help you to 1)know what else is out there 2)may confirm your doubts/assurance of "where you are".
hope this makes sense.
in the end i always have to go with my gut. good and bad, it's taken me in the direction i've needed to go.please take care of yourself.
((((((((((cubic_me))))))))))))))
b2c.
Posted by sunny10 on February 8, 2005, at 11:33:26
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more » cubic_me, posted by B2Chica on February 5, 2005, at 19:02:10
I agree with B2C, except that I don't know whether you've actually given group a proper chance, yet.
I went to group (actually, several a day on a daily outpatient basis)and thought that I was just putting in the time. It honestly didn't seem like I was getting anything out of it.
I can say now, though, that I am constatnly referring back to it in my mind (a year later)and it really HAS helped me in the long run!
But, my experience aside, if you have actually given it a chance and you still can't make yourself go, then you do need to go back to your T.
my 2c,
sunny10
Posted by cubic_me on February 8, 2005, at 13:57:39
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more » cubic_me, posted by Daisym on February 4, 2005, at 11:10:30
> Can you go see your old therapist a couple of times to help you with the depression enough so you can either go back to the group or move toward the CBT? It sounds like you are in that state of inertia that comes on when the depression deepens. Or, maybe call the group leader?
The place I go for therapy is free, and only offers individual sessions or group sessions, not both, so I'm not sure if I could see my old T while I'm still in group. She said that I could go back if group didn't work out. The group leader said that she didn't want any contact with group members outside of group (except saying that you couldn't come etc) because it affects the relationships in the group. This leaves me stuck with no-one to really share with, except the group, who I'm not really comfortable with anyway. What I'd really like is a professional opinion, but the group T doesn't give her opinion in group.
AAAArrrgh! It's so frustrating that thier system leaves group members feeling so alone and abandoned!
Posted by cubic_me on February 8, 2005, at 14:13:46
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more » cubic_me, posted by B2Chica on February 5, 2005, at 19:02:10
Hey B2C, it's great to see you again!
> i'm definately not a person of great wisdom...but that doesn't stop me from putting in my 2c. ;^)
Definately appreciated! I don't give the best advice, but I like to give it all the same ;) (that's not saying you give bad advice, lol!)
I don't mind going to group, it's not that I want it to be 'over with', I'm interested in psychology and I like watching the other people in the group, but that's not doing anything in particular for my psychological well being! Last time I went, I think I described group as teasing me - you go to group and are told that you can talk your emotions etc etc, and at the same time I don't want to talk about anything with this bunch of people. Perhaps I should talk more, some people would probably say that I am sabotaging my therapy by not talking - but what percentage of people would want to talk about really difficult issues in front of a load of half-strangers? I'm happy enough talking to my boyfriend, or my old T, isn't that enough? And I'm not there to gain confidence/communication skills etc, I'm fine with that side of things.
> Maybe it's time to try out a completely different therapist (which doesn't necessarily mean stopping and starting new-continue as 'scheduled'. but take a look around also). that may help you to 1)know what else is out there 2)may confirm your doubts/assurance of "where you are".I've been thinking about starting the CBT while I'm still going to group. As I said in the post above, I'm in free therapy, and I can't afford to pay for anything. There are a few other places I could go, but there are pretty long waiting lists and you never know what you are going to get!
I've got group tomorrow - I'll give you an update afterwards!
Posted by cubic_me on February 8, 2005, at 14:17:20
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more, posted by sunny10 on February 8, 2005, at 11:33:26
>
> I went to group (actually, several a day on a daily outpatient basis)and thought that I was just putting in the time. It honestly didn't seem like I was getting anything out of it. I can say now, though, that I am constatnly referring back to it in my mind (a year later)and it really HAS helped me in the long run!Yes, I've been thinking about that too, and that's part of the reason I keep on going, even though it doesn't feel like it's helping now.
What sort of group did you go to?
Posted by sunny10 on February 8, 2005, at 16:31:06
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more » sunny10, posted by cubic_me on February 8, 2005, at 14:17:20
outpatient- ALL kinds ! ALL day long!
Posted by sunny10 on February 9, 2005, at 12:01:11
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more, posted by sunny10 on February 8, 2005, at 16:31:06
sorry I was so rushed before- I didn't have much time, but didn't want to ignore your question.
We had about three or four long sessions a day (with lunch in between). The "specialized" groups were art and music. (Although for the two weeks I was there, the music groups weren't coming up in the rotation because the musically inclined therapist was on maternity leave or something- the art gruop leader played cd's during art, though).
There were groups more designed towards psychodynamic therapy, there were groups more designed towards CBT, and there were groups purely designed to "open up" or "respond to" the one who had opened up. There was group at the end of day "sign-out" where we had to rate our feelings for the day, give examples of what we were going to do that evening (or weekend, on Friday). For some it was AA or NA, for some it was "see a friend" (for those of us who tend to closet ourselves and hide), there was what's for dinner (for anorexics,bulimics), anger management classes, et cetera. Depending on what the person is having problems with, the "homework" consisted of small babysteps towards doing things which are more "healthy" for that person as an individual.
Morning group consisted of rating your feelings for the day and discussing what each person did the night before in keeping with their personal "goal" of that evening from the day before.
Best case scenarios were those where it took a while for a person to open up and truly tell the others why they were there and allow us to validate their feelings (or them mine!), but the saddest thing I think I ever had to go through was watching this one girl who was so belligerent and mocking of everyone who waited until 20 minutes before she left the whole program (three weeks she was there- longer than usually allowed) to tell us her horror story. And it was too late to help, her insurance had run out.
I learned an awful lot there. That one girl enabled me to go back through her words (the few she spoke) and the WHEN of her speaking (what other people had been discussing at the time) and I was astounded at how much she really HAD been saying, and how little we had heard. I learned to listen to others and myself a little better through that experience, too. And listening to myself better certainly helps with my therapy.
Hope this more detailed answer helps.
-sunny10
Posted by cubic_me on February 10, 2005, at 17:14:34
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more, posted by sunny10 on February 9, 2005, at 12:01:11
Sunny10 - that sounds like my idea of hell! I think I would get totally fed up after a couple of hours, and I'd get totally confused with who had said what in what group etc. I can relate more to the girl who only spoke up at the end than anyone else. It seems that you got a great deal out of it, I wish my mindset was more like yours. Thanks for your considered response, it was really interesting to read.
Posted by cubic_me on February 10, 2005, at 17:38:52
In reply to Re: I don't know where I am any more » sunny10, posted by cubic_me on February 10, 2005, at 17:14:34
So yesterday I went to group. There were only four of us and the facilitator there. Later on in the session I mentioned how I would like some kind of professional opinion about whether group was right for me, but that it was hard to get because of the restrictions on talking to the group leader and my old T. The grp leader said that she couldn't give me any opinion anyway, as I know better than her whether it is working for me (ok, I know that, but I meant that I would like to talk to someone about my feelings about group - she didn't seem to get that). The rest of the group seemed to think that I was complaining that we could not see other group members outside of groups (I don't know where they got that from, I must have phrased what I said badly), I certainly don't want to see any of them outside group. Even though I said that the system felt isolating, they suceeded in making me feel even more isolated.
We were discussing how we felt while we were in group, the others said that it made them feel calmer/listened to/relaxed etc. I said that I felt worse when I am in group to when I am outside it (I didn't tell them I felt like slashing my legs from top to bottom). I know we are all different, but the same group seems to be having exactly the opposite effect on me than them.
My boyfriend feels a little bit jelous that I am having therapy and he is not (he is not entitled to it free any more and can't afford it), and I feel guilty for group not working for me when he would relish having the experience. I wish I could just swap him in for me in next week's session!
Posted by sunny10 on February 11, 2005, at 11:56:56
In reply to Update on Group session, posted by cubic_me on February 10, 2005, at 17:38:52
call your T- tell her it's not working out for you. Ask her what your options are.
I'm sorry that your experience wasn't more beneficial. Just remember that there is more than one "group" out there. It seems like this one doesn't understand your needs.
Best of luck,
sunny10
Posted by Dinah on February 11, 2005, at 16:37:49
In reply to Update on Group session, posted by cubic_me on February 10, 2005, at 17:38:52
You've given this a good try, and it doesn't seem to be getting better. While individual therapy was helpful for you?
Isn't it better for everyone to have you at your most well integrated and most productive self? If that's better accomplished through individual rather than group therapy, it's a mark of strength in you to evaluate what you need and the best way to accomplish it. It's not a matter of failing at group or of using scarce resources. You deserve those resources as much as anyone. (If I'm remembering correctly, those are some of the reason's you're reluctant to give up group to go back to individual therapy?)
Do what is best for you.
This is the end of the thread.
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