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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 28. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 10, 2005, at 18:58:56
i met with a new therapist last night. i'm scared, unsure of myself, not sure what to think, she almost seems too nice. i have already called and left two messages and talked to her a little bit ago b/c i am nervous and scared she is going to leave and i don't know what else. she said i could leave as many messages as i needed, that she had unlimited cell phone minutes, but i'm scared i'm already being annoying and i feel like even if i do freak out again i shouldn't call her and annoy her. my next appointment is tuesday.
Posted by Shortelise on February 10, 2005, at 20:36:49
In reply to met with a new therapist, posted by lonelygal2 on February 10, 2005, at 18:58:56
Lonelygal, you are who you are and you need what you need. Hopefully you can work through all of it with this new T.
Could you try not to beat yourself up for feeling needy, for needing help, and for asking for help? It just seems so ... unfair - unfair to yourself.
If you did this with your nextdoor neighbour, or your teacher, it would be different. It's a T's job when s/he accepts a patient who has that kind of need.
Hugs
ShortE
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 10, 2005, at 22:29:50
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist » lonelygal2, posted by Shortelise on February 10, 2005, at 20:36:49
i've read your post a couple of times now, and umm i guess you're right that i should try not to feel so guilty about everything.
it's really hard b/c i feel like i'm being so much trouble... and then there are those posts i read here even about people eluding to the fact that they have never called their therapists b/c they dont' want to be one of those annoying clients. i really dont' want to be annoying.
and its such an ingrained response for me that if i call, which i really really want to do when i'm upset, that maybe i'm not strong enough or that i'm being pathetic or maybe the distress i am isn't bad enough to be worthy of a phone call.
umm, it's all confusing. i appreciate your post. it's really hard to change my thinking though, but i'll try.
> Lonelygal, you are who you are and you need what you need. Hopefully you can work through all of it with this new T.
>
> Could you try not to beat yourself up for feeling needy, for needing help, and for asking for help? It just seems so ... unfair - unfair to yourself.
>
> If you did this with your nextdoor neighbour, or your teacher, it would be different. It's a T's job when s/he accepts a patient who has that kind of need.
>
> Hugs
> ShortE
Posted by 10derHeart on February 10, 2005, at 23:17:09
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist » Shortelise, posted by lonelygal2 on February 10, 2005, at 22:29:50
LG2 -
I'm so happy you found a new T. I know you have really been through some difficult times getting even to this point. I think you are EXTREMELY brave to keep trying like this when I know it's been so very hard. I've had two T's tell me it's the people hurting, in need, scared, missing them, etc., that do call or email...those are the ones they feel best about. That they'll get better. That they worry a lot more about those who won't/can't/don't reach out for whatever kind or amount of help they want, because they will probably try to handle overwhelming stuff alone, and T's worry for them. Does that make sense?You know, at certain points, I used to constantly think my old T. was also "too good to be true." So I really, really understand that part of your post. This was about excessive emails from me (and it was a lot), but it's much the same. So I tested him, and tested him, and was all over the place emotionally, and he still stayed steady, kind, accepting and there for me. Who says you haven't also found someone like that? They are out there.
Please do try to listen to ShortE. She's really right. A T. expects this kind of neediness from some clients. If you've already called and left messages, that means you can give in, and overcome your fear of being too much. I think her telling you what she did about calling is a wonderful sign.
You are going to do okay, and you are not too much for a good T. or for Babble. keep us posted. hugs...10derheart
Posted by pinkeye on February 11, 2005, at 13:11:11
In reply to met with a new therapist, posted by lonelygal2 on February 10, 2005, at 18:58:56
Hi Lonelygal,
I am glad for you. Don't let your fears get in the way of therapy. She probably understands you and is willing to be there for you. Go ahead and try to trust her and work on your issues with her.
I think Ts are trained for all this - neediness, pessimism, fears etc. So a good one will be able to handle it right and make the experience right for you. Work with her and allow her to help you.
Pinkeye.> i met with a new therapist last night. i'm scared, unsure of myself, not sure what to think, she almost seems too nice. i have already called and left two messages and talked to her a little bit ago b/c i am nervous and scared she is going to leave and i don't know what else. she said i could leave as many messages as i needed, that she had unlimited cell phone minutes, but i'm scared i'm already being annoying and i feel like even if i do freak out again i shouldn't call her and annoy her. my next appointment is tuesday.
Posted by Shortelise on February 11, 2005, at 14:54:36
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist » Shortelise, posted by lonelygal2 on February 10, 2005, at 22:29:50
Lonelygal, the way I see it, we have to do this stuff, we have to work through the crap that we take with us to therapy. And it's up to our T's to help us.
So maybe you aren't strong - and what of it? And maybe you are a little pathetic, and what of that, too? Isn't everyone weak and pathetic sometimes? I DON"T CARE nowadays if I am being weak and pathetic. SO WHAT??? If I need to call him, and need to be weak and pathetic, so be it. It is part of who I am, and I am so much better than I was. ANd I'll be better still, just watch.I truly believe that each of us is worthy, so I can't buy into that. I mean, I feel unworthy too sometimes, but I always think everyone else is worthy.
Yours very sincerely, with hugs and as much encouragement as can fit into cyberspace,
ShortE
Posted by shrinking violet on February 11, 2005, at 20:01:37
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist » lonelygal2, posted by Shortelise on February 11, 2005, at 14:54:36
((((LG))))
I'm so proud of you, you have so much courage and you don't even realize it. I understand your apprehension about this new T...it's natural after all you've been through. But just try to be open with her and let her reassure you as much as you need. She already sounds patient and caring. And you aren't a bother....I know the feeling and the thoughts...I had them myself today (I went to session, barely spoke, felt horrid after and emailed, then her response was pretty short so it upset me and I emailed AGAIN and apologized for writing so much and I'm so embarrassed to face her next week now...yes I'm an idiot...). We all lean on our T's at more times than others. Your T should be able to handle it and herself. Try to trust you both.
Keep me posted. I so hope this works out for you, you deserve someone who will help you.
SV
Posted by 10derHeart on February 11, 2005, at 23:24:20
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist » Shortelise, posted by shrinking violet on February 11, 2005, at 20:01:37
SV,
I'm sorry, I know we don't really know each other, but I'll just hope you can forgive me for sort of "yelling"...you are NOT an idiot!!!
Not. Not. Not.
And if emailing too much, writing too much, and saying emotional things to T's we later feel weird about was so bad we couldn't face them...well, sheesh, I'd have to place a bag over my head, quit therapy, and maybe never leave the house!
Don't call yourself such names...okay?...please?
I think you are sensitive and supportive.
I think you were just letting your emotions "bubble over", and your T. can definitely handle that. ((SV)) - 10derHeartPS - Not that I don't totally understand the feelings behind writing, "I am an idiot," 'Cause boy, do I!
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 12, 2005, at 11:37:12
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist » Shortelise, posted by shrinking violet on February 11, 2005, at 20:01:37
thanks all for your support.
i talked with my t again last night after calling and it was nice b/c she sort of said something like will you be okay for the night, until we connect tomorrow (i was happy that i would get to talk to her tomorrow, that she wasn't leaving) and then later asked me if it would be okay for her to call me tomorrow. and to go ahead and leave messages still if i wanted to say anything before then, which i ended up doing. and i told her i thought i was being annoying and she said that i wasn't, which i am trying to believe. i think i really like her, and i'm scared that she will leave, but she knows that..
hmm, that's all.
Posted by mair on February 12, 2005, at 15:36:05
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist, posted by lonelygal2 on February 12, 2005, at 11:37:12
I know it's really too early to tell, but this T sounds like a good one. I'm really happy you went to the effort to find her.
Mair
Posted by shrinking violet on February 12, 2005, at 19:26:27
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist » shrinking violet, posted by 10derHeart on February 11, 2005, at 23:24:20
You're so sweet 10derheart, thank you for your message! But you don't know what I wrote to my T.... I have a right to be embarrassed, I think. I feel like I shared too much and maybe got too personal, but I've felt that before about things I've written her, too. I don't know, I guess I'll find out her reaction on Tuesday. I'm just nervous and whenever I think about it I want the floor to swallow me up. :-[
Thank you again for your kind words.
sv
> SV,
>
> I'm sorry, I know we don't really know each other, but I'll just hope you can forgive me for sort of "yelling"...you are NOT an idiot!!!
>
> Not. Not. Not.
>
> And if emailing too much, writing too much, and saying emotional things to T's we later feel weird about was so bad we couldn't face them...well, sheesh, I'd have to place a bag over my head, quit therapy, and maybe never leave the house!
>
> Don't call yourself such names...okay?...please?
> I think you are sensitive and supportive.
> I think you were just letting your emotions "bubble over", and your T. can definitely handle that. ((SV)) - 10derHeart
>
> PS - Not that I don't totally understand the feelings behind writing, "I am an idiot," 'Cause boy, do I!
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 13, 2005, at 18:42:18
In reply to Re: met with a new therapist » 10derHeart, posted by shrinking violet on February 12, 2005, at 19:26:27
i think i just quit therapy, if you can call it quitting b/c i really hadn't started, only met with her once.
i had left a message today saying that i thought she would leave or get mad at me and that i know i was acting like such a kid, i dunno.
she called back and said that she's not mad at me, that she wasn't gonna call me back, but thought she would just to tell me that, and that i needed to be clear in my messages if i wanted her to call me back.
i just felt even before she called that i was being so annoying. and then when she called i felt worse, like i was such a pain.
after she called, i called back and left a message saying that i didn't know why i was being so needy with her, that i thought i was the most annoying person in the world, that if my own family doesn't care about me- something must be wrong with me, and that i should just get used to being alone, and that seeing a therapist for one hour a week wouldnt' really change anything, and that i shouldnt' go on tuesday, and that she didn't need to call me back.
i'm not sure if i made a good decision. on one hand, i'm not worrying that she is going to leave, but i dunno. whatever.
Posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2005, at 19:58:22
In reply to i'm dumb., posted by lonelygal2 on February 13, 2005, at 18:42:18
You should go. She can help you with these feelings. It takes a while, but keep plugging at it. She will tell you if you call too much.
With most therapists, if you want a call back you have to specifically say so. It takes a little while to get used to each other.
Can you call her back and leave a message that you will go on Tuesday? I hope you can give her a chance to help you.
Posted by 10derHeart on February 13, 2005, at 20:40:20
In reply to i'm dumb., posted by lonelygal2 on February 13, 2005, at 18:42:18
Please reconsider going on Tuesday. I imagine it all must be so scary, but that doesn't mean you can't get past that part. You show a lot of strength.
I mean (and I hope you don't) even if you stop going, you'd probably want to tell her in person, right? At least talk to each other face to face. Sometimes the phone can be weird and not convey quite what each person is saying, without body language and facial expressions.
And you are NOT dumb. I think you are just struggling to trust and dare to start something new and your defenses might be really up right now.
I think maybe this T. really is a good fit, just in the way she's dealt with the phone stuff. Hope you can give her a bit more of a chance.
My best to you. - 10derHeart
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 13, 2005, at 23:12:37
In reply to Re: i'm dumb. » lonelygal2, posted by 10derHeart on February 13, 2005, at 20:40:20
i keep thinking about it, and i dunno what i want. i feel like even if i saw her tuesday, i would probably not feel settled afterwards, and would worry about it all and drive myself crazy and if i called her, drive her crazy too, and that there would be no end to it all. b/c i feel vulnerable, and scared, and umm, i don't want to trust someone and then be disappointed.
i'm embarassed too that i screwed everything up already. its only been a couple of days! i'm not good with relationships- obviously.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 13, 2005, at 23:21:32
In reply to Re: i'm dumb., posted by lonelygal2 on February 13, 2005, at 23:12:37
I think you were very brave for sharing your anxieties with her in your call. It sounds to me like you really want this to be something helpful, but given your recent T experiences, you are scared. I would be too. Going to the second appt. is, in some ways, a lot harder than going to the first.
Please take a deep breath, try not to be embarrassed, and give it a chance.
You can do it!
gg
Posted by pinkeye on February 14, 2005, at 13:41:25
In reply to Re: i'm dumb., posted by lonelygal2 on February 13, 2005, at 23:12:37
You know what, just go. I know it is extremely hard and difficult to trust once more.. but it might be worth the shot.
> i keep thinking about it, and i dunno what i want. i feel like even if i saw her tuesday, i would probably not feel settled afterwards, and would worry about it all and drive myself crazy and if i called her, drive her crazy too, and that there would be no end to it all. b/c i feel vulnerable, and scared, and umm, i don't want to trust someone and then be disappointed.
> i'm embarassed too that i screwed everything up already. its only been a couple of days! i'm not good with relationships- obviously.
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 14, 2005, at 16:14:06
In reply to Not dumb! » lonelygal2, posted by gardenergirl on February 13, 2005, at 23:21:32
gg, but if i was your client, wouldn't you want to get rid of me?... i think my behavior would drive anyone crazy, or at least be exhausting...
> I think you were very brave for sharing your anxieties with her in your call. It sounds to me like you really want this to be something helpful, but given your recent T experiences, you are scared. I would be too. Going to the second appt. is, in some ways, a lot harder than going to the first.
>
> Please take a deep breath, try not to be embarrassed, and give it a chance.
>
> You can do it!
>
> gg
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 14, 2005, at 16:16:41
In reply to Re: i'm dumb., posted by pinkeye on February 14, 2005, at 13:41:25
i left a message earlier and said something like i feel stupid, not sure if i made the right decision.. i didn't ask specifically for her to call me back. i don't want her to 'have to' do anything b/c i ask...i think i've been draining enough. so i dunno, she hasn't called me back, which i'm not sure i would expect her to, and so yeah, umm i guess i won't be going tomorrow, which is okay, i'm fine with that i suppose.
Posted by fallsfall on February 14, 2005, at 16:23:44
In reply to Re: i'm dumb., posted by lonelygal2 on February 14, 2005, at 16:16:41
You could call her again and say that you are confused about whether you have an appointment or not, and ask her to call you and tell you if you should go. She might not have filled the slot when you cancelled the first time.
I know you think that you are a bother to her, but the beginnings of these things are so hard - until you start to know each other a bit better. Try to go (you could even just show up at your "time" and say you were confused, but that it is OK if she has someone else booked).
Posted by pinkeye on February 14, 2005, at 16:26:56
In reply to Re: i'm dumb., posted by lonelygal2 on February 14, 2005, at 16:16:41
Sometimes in life, it is ok to be a crybaby - especially if you can pay them to bear with it
:-) Don't try to handle everything yourself, allow someone else to help you. We all need someone to carry us through during sometimes in our lives, and when we get enough footing, we will be able to go on on our own. It doesn't mean you will always be like this or you will alwasy be very needy. It just means, you are going through a difficult stretch in your life and would do better with a shoulder or crutch to lean on. Just like if you have some chronic pain, you need painkillers right? Like that - think you have some chronic pain for sometime and need lots of painkillers. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And she is a professional - so she knows what she is doing and has willingly chosen this profession. So there is nothing wrong in depending on her to help you.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 14, 2005, at 18:11:29
In reply to Re: Not dumb! » gardenergirl, posted by lonelygal2 on February 14, 2005, at 16:14:06
> gg, but if i was your client, wouldn't you want to get rid of me?... i think my behavior would drive anyone crazy, or at least be exhausting...
Nope, not at all. I would reach out to you, and maybe have you come in a bit more frequently. That's not always possible, but I would not get rid of you. I'm sure you come by this honestly. Meaning we all are products of our experiences. We just need to figure out the connection.(((((lonelygal2)))))
gg
>
>
> > I think you were very brave for sharing your anxieties with her in your call. It sounds to me like you really want this to be something helpful, but given your recent T experiences, you are scared. I would be too. Going to the second appt. is, in some ways, a lot harder than going to the first.
> >
> > Please take a deep breath, try not to be embarrassed, and give it a chance.
> >
> > You can do it!
> >
> > gg
>
>
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 15, 2005, at 14:21:10
In reply to Re: Not dumb!, posted by gardenergirl on February 14, 2005, at 18:11:29
so she left a message last night saying that she would hope i would still come tonight.
by the middle of the night, i decided i would go.
i woke up today, and i'm crazy sick. i've been throwing up like crazy, the last being just 10 minutes ago. (i'm still in the after throw-up feel okay for a little bit stage). my appt is in like 4 hours. i dunno whether to go or even if i can go. i left a message earlier this morning saying that i was sick and that i wasn't sure about tonight. everything has just been like way too much drama, and i feel really badly, and like if i were her, i would sort of think it's fishy that now i'm saying i'm sick. you know what i mean. cuz nothing has been simple.
i dunno. :(
Posted by pinkeye on February 15, 2005, at 14:48:05
In reply to Re: Not dumb!, posted by lonelygal2 on February 15, 2005, at 14:21:10
That is ok. I am sure she will understand. Just go whenever you feel better. It is good you decided to go.
Posted by 10derHeart on February 15, 2005, at 16:38:08
In reply to Re: Not dumb!, posted by pinkeye on February 15, 2005, at 14:48:05
LG, hope you are feeling better soon. I'm so glad she left another message and you decided to go. Probably better if you're that ill to wait a bit. Don't want to infect her, then she might get sick, too, and that would stink!
She really will understand and not think it's so fishy. I mean, she's human, and knowing you're scared and nervous, sure, it could cross her mind, like whether you feel physically or more emotionally "sick." But really, at this point, what's the difference anyway? When it's bad enough to be throwing up, well, you're just plain sick and need to rest and rehydrate and baby yourself till you're stronger. That's not the same as her actually thinking you're making it up or anything, if she just wonders. It would be more about caring and wanting to know more about you in every way, I think.
She knows people do get sick, and it's more likely under great stress when the immune system is weaker. You have certainly been under more than normal stress. Take care and hope you reschedule as soon as possible. You are a fighter and can really hang in there. I admire that in you.
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