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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JLynn on June 11, 2005, at 22:57:45
For those who read my earlier post about the letter I gave my T about getting closer to her and how it scares me....I feel like she totally didn't get it. It took a LOT for me to write that and I felt like she kind of blew it off. Maybe I didn't express it well enough or maybe it just wasn't something she wanted to discuss. So anyway I guess I'll just try to forget about it and just continue with the other issues we've been discussing. :-(
Posted by Dinah on June 12, 2005, at 2:26:10
In reply to Update...., posted by JLynn on June 11, 2005, at 22:57:45
Sorry to hear that. :( Some are definitely more comfortable with that issue than others.
It's rotten to put your feelings on the line and not get a caring and compassionate response.
Does she have many other fine and useful qualities?
Posted by Jazzed on June 12, 2005, at 5:51:38
In reply to Update...., posted by JLynn on June 11, 2005, at 22:57:45
Posted by happyflower on June 12, 2005, at 7:12:14
In reply to Update...., posted by JLynn on June 11, 2005, at 22:57:45
((((JLynn))) You know something simular happened to me in my last session. I told my T that I was acting critical of him because I wanted to pull away because I was feeling too close to him.
Well he went on to tell me that feelings in therapy is very simular to real life but they are different. Thats why he can't hug or socialize with me because it would confuse the issue of my feelings of being real life and not therapy.
I find it ironic that I am going to therapy to learn to "feel" my feelings and learn to trust other people, and the 1st person I feel and want to trust, tells me it isn't real because I feel them in therapy. Is it so wrong to feel close to your therapist? Is he telling me because he is my therapist he is a fake person made out of plastic and what I am feeling isn't real. Can you have feelings for people even if you don't know everything about them? I feel for the people who went through Sept. 11th, but does that mean it isn't real because I don't everything about them or have even met them? I just think therapist hid behind a shield from our feelings. They have to stay opjective to help us, so they have come up with a way to say our feelings aren't real about them, it's transference, so they don't have to concider what we are feeling is real. I hope your next session goes better, JLynn. :) I feel for you but it must be transference because I don't know everything about you. lol
Posted by Dinah on June 12, 2005, at 7:19:23
In reply to Re: Update...., posted by happyflower on June 12, 2005, at 7:12:14
How about the feelings are real, but they are fostered in an unreal environment. You're seeing a better person, in all likelihood, than anyone in his real life sees.
My therapist and I actually discuss this openly. How much easier it is for me to love him as my therapist /mommy than it is for those who see all sides of him, or it would be for me if he were my real mommy.
Think about taking any fantasies you have for him to the pragmatic reality. Picture him doing the most annoying things your husband does, because believe me, if he doesn't do those particular ones he does ones just as annoying.
Or... Just imagine they felt as free to be their authentic selves as they do with their loved ones. While in session! Shudder.
It's not limited to therapy, of course. My husband's coworkers think he is the most patient man alive.
Posted by happyflower on June 12, 2005, at 7:41:59
In reply to Re: Update.... » happyflower, posted by Dinah on June 12, 2005, at 7:19:23
> How about the feelings are real, but they are fostered in an unreal environment. You're seeing a better person, in all likelihood, than anyone in his real life sees.
>
Now this is something that finally makes sense to me! lol But I have a question. When you first meet someone, isn't both parties being "unreal", wanting to just show their good sides? Then later when you get to know them more, you see more of them. I know therapist have problems like everyone else, and they can be butts too, but if you developed a relationship with them AFTER therapy, wouldn't you be able to accept that? I don't see my T as anyone superior over me. But I like what I do know and see about him. I know he isn't perfect, and wouldn't expect him to be in real life. I know I am going in circles here! lol
I no longer want a romantic relationship with him, we are both married, and I can accept reality.
> > Think about taking any fantasies you have for him to the pragmatic reality. Picture him doing the most annoying things your husband does, because believe me, if he doesn't do those particular ones he does ones just as annoying.
>
> Or... Just imagine they felt as free to be their authentic selves as they do with their loved ones. While in session! Shudder.
>
Maybe I am wrong, but I feel my T is being his authentic self. And by the way, lol, doesn't your T pick his nose in front of you, Dinah? lol Now that is being authenic! lol Heehee, sorry I couldn't resist! Too much coffee this morning!
Posted by Dinah on June 12, 2005, at 9:12:21
In reply to Re: Update.... » Dinah, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2005, at 7:41:59
Chuckle. Yes, but I have ample reason to believe he is not with his family as he is with me. I prefer to be his client, thank you kindly.
I think your therapist is being authentic, within the role of therapist. If he was being authentic in any other way, he might not be able to be therapeutic.
The therapy situation is artificial, however real therapists and clients and feelings may be.
Just my humble opinion of course.
Posted by happyflower on June 12, 2005, at 10:25:08
In reply to Re: Update.... » happyflower, posted by Dinah on June 12, 2005, at 9:12:21
> .
>
> The therapy situation is artificial, however real therapists and clients and feelings may be.
>
> THIS makes sense to me, I can accept this. Thanks Dinah for getting through my subborness, maybe you SHOULD go back to school to be a T! :)
Posted by JLynn on June 12, 2005, at 21:35:24
In reply to Re: Update.... » Dinah, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2005, at 10:25:08
My T does have a lot of good qualities that I like. But one thing that really bugs me is that when I express my feelings about a certain issue, her usual response is "that is normal." I get so frustrated that everything I feel is a "normal" feeling/reaction. I mean if I am so "normal" then why am I there? UGH!! I don't want to hear how normal my feelings are. I'd rather be happy than have my feelings of anger and fear be normal. Does this make any sense? Do other peoples Ts do this?
Posted by Dinah on June 12, 2005, at 22:33:38
In reply to Re: Update...., posted by JLynn on June 12, 2005, at 21:35:24
Yes!!!!
And I know it must be annoying to him, because sometimes I want my experience "normalized" and other times I get absolutely furious. He's gotten so he's really careful about "normalizing" at all, and when he does do it he teasingly apologizes first.
This is the end of the thread.
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