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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:35:01
Friday.
Two weeks is the longest I've been without seeing my therapist since his mother died. He even mentioned that last time. Well, I brought up his mother (and then apologized). He said it was the first time he had been gone for that long.
I didn't do very well that time. I know I'm stronger now than I was then. In fact, I don't know if I'm more afraid I can't do without him, or I'm more afraid I can.
I'm definitely afraid of next session. We nearly always fight on the last session before a break. No matter how I try to make it bland. I bring up something I think is innocuous and he pitches a fit about it. I always thought it was because I got angry and he got defensive. But looking back, it's usually that he gets mad at something I say that I thought was neutral. Now, why would he pick a fight before a break? Stress over an upcoming journey?
I'm trying to think of truly bland topics.
I really want to tell him that I love him as a person as well as as my therapist/mommy. But once before a trip I told him I had the urge to take care of him and he made it into something sexual and ugly.
I could talk about how I realize that it's in my best interest (Falls, you'll like this) to not be in good spirits, because my husband isn't as mean to me when I'm depressed or sick.
Surely that would be neutral.
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:36:49
In reply to My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:35:01
Surely there's nothing controversial in that...
Posted by pinkeye on July 27, 2005, at 19:37:16
In reply to My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:35:01
Is he going away or are you going away this time? I thought you were the one who is going to California??
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:38:57
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on July 27, 2005, at 19:37:16
He's going away for two weeks. I'll be gone the first week.
I told him he was lucky.
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:43:16
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:38:57
Maybe because he knows I hate it when he goes away, and get angry, he comes into a session braced for conflict.
And he doesn't realize that I try to do the conflict part prior to the last session.
Posted by pinkeye on July 27, 2005, at 19:49:46
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks » Dinah, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:43:16
:-)
Maybe picking up a fight helps you keep yourself stable and go on for the two weeks. Like "these sour grapes".. I sometimes do that when I have to get over a person for some time - kind of down play them in my mind, so it helps me think "Oh - big deal"
Posted by Annierose on July 27, 2005, at 19:51:32
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:38:57
Dinah - :(
Having just endured my T's 2 week vacation (and then I had to miss my Monday session due to a business trip), I know how long that can seem.
At least your vacations are over-lapping. My family is going away next Friday for 9 days.
I found myself plesantly surprised how quickly the time passed, but I had so many fun and interesting things keeping me busy ... endless dental appointments, work, cleaning my house, work, summer fun activties (had a few of those with the kids) ... and babble helped of course.
We'll be here to chat. And your vacation will keep you busy if your husband has planned the daily activities :)
Sometimes people fight before a departure to make the seperation easier on themselves. Something to consider ... on his part as well. On my last session before her vacation, I opened up to all this pain I was holding onto ... and then she left. Don't know how I'll ever get back to that place. Don't know why it came up then either.
In any event, I am here for you if needed.
Annierose
Posted by Daisym on July 27, 2005, at 19:56:50
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks » Dinah, posted by Annierose on July 27, 2005, at 19:51:32
Annie,
In my business we call those door knob drops, you put something out there just as your home visitor is leaving. It is safer in some ways.
I went through a period of time where I was doing this. I would open up something huge on Thursdays, not on Monday when I had the whole week to work on it. Or i would tell him the last 10 minutes and then burst into tears that I wasn't ready to leave. I think it is about safety -- toe in the water and all that.
One of the ways to get back to it is to talk about the fact that you aren't there. It might help you work backwards. I'm glad she is back now, I'm sure you are too!
Posted by Daisym on July 27, 2005, at 19:58:35
In reply to My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:35:01
Two weeks was impossibly long for me, I'm glad at least one of those weeks you'll have a good distraction.
Why don't you talk about the fact that you usually fight before you have a break? It would be eye opening to see if he has noticed this pattern too. Otherwise, talk about Harry Potter. :)
Posted by Shortelise on July 27, 2005, at 20:02:40
In reply to My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:35:01
I have said to my T before he or I go away that it's important for me that I not the session leave upset, and he agrees, so we make an effort to keep things cool.
ShortE
Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2005, at 20:41:23
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on July 27, 2005, at 20:02:40
Yeah, I use shorte's strategy too. At least... I used to and it worked pretty well. It was a rule that we were supposed to keep things nice and get along. No fighting or dragging up anything that might hurt.
Posted by Annierose on July 27, 2005, at 20:45:54
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks » Annierose, posted by Daisym on July 27, 2005, at 19:56:50
I just remember the impetus to that last session. I was talking about buying music on i-tunes and I came across the Janis Ian song "At Seventeen" and how I sang that song and related to it (except the part about being gay) when I was in high school.
Glad to see you back on the boards. How are you doing?
Annierose
Posted by happyflower on July 27, 2005, at 21:48:20
In reply to My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:35:01
(((((Dinah))))) How about planning something fun during those 2 weeks? Like a new book or something really soothing. Get your hair, nails done.
You know I now see my T every 10 days-2 weeks. So it is like he is always on vacation for me! But I find it is helping me process the session more in depth and is helping me. But yes I miss him, but now I see him every now and then at the health club. He is nice, gives me a big smile, small talk. It helps getting me through until the next session. Do something nice for yourself and you will breeze through these 2 weeks! :) Have ice cream everyday, new flavor every day! yum!
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 21:57:50
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks, posted by happyflower on July 27, 2005, at 21:48:20
It would be nice to think he picks a fight so he won't miss me. :)
But I think I was right before. He is afraid anything I say will be angry, and is too quick to perceive offense.
I do tell him each and every time, could we please leave on a good note. Yet more often than not, we don't.
Ah well. There's the weather to talk about. :)
Sometimes when we have a good session the session before the final session, I just want to call and cancel the final session. So I can keep the good one to myself.
I'll need Camp Comfort all right. But I hope we can get good and angry there at our therapists who temporarily abandoned us. :(
Posted by Dinah on July 28, 2005, at 0:05:09
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 21:57:50
I suppose with all this whining, I should add that it's not a vacation, but work that is bringing him out of town.
I like to think I'd be less whiny about it if he were going to be relaxing.
Nahhhhhh.
He said I'd get through it. That I'd miss him, but I could get through it. And I could call him if I want.
Posted by daisym on July 28, 2005, at 0:26:32
In reply to Golly, I miss him already » Dinah, posted by Dinah on July 28, 2005, at 0:05:09
I miss him too, with you. Weird pains of empathy tonight for everyone missing their therapists. Makes me miss mine and he isn't even gone. :(
I'm glad you know you can call. You always say that if you *can* you don't *need* to.
We'll be here, both weeks, and I happen to know the hotels in that area all have high speed connections. So take your lap top. But if you can't, I'll add you to the list of people to miss.
Hugs from me.
Daisy
Posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2005, at 0:39:22
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 21:57:50
> It would be nice to think he picks a fight so he won't miss me. :)
Maybe he picks a fight so you won't have to miss him so much.
> But I think I was right before. He is afraid anything I say will be angry, and is too quick to perceive offense.Aw.
(((Dinah's t)))
Posted by Dinah on July 28, 2005, at 0:42:45
In reply to Re: My last session for two weeks » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2005, at 0:39:22
If he had half a brain, he'd realize how much less trouble it is for him to make sure we part on good terms.
Otherwise I interrupt his trip taking preparations by calling multiple times to make sure everything's ok.
Just to be pragmatic he ought to be soothing.
Posted by Dinah on July 28, 2005, at 0:47:15
In reply to Re: Golly, I miss him already » Dinah, posted by daisym on July 28, 2005, at 0:26:32
I need to try to find the time to figure out how to connect my old laptop to a dialup. My new laptop (which I don't use for internet stuff anyway) is my work computer. I'll be leaving it at the office.
I feel those empathy pains too. Especially for those who are losing their therapists for good.
I've taken to worrying about mine. He's gained a bit more weight, to the point that I worry it might affect his health. He's under a lot of stress too.
I try not to let it affect my therapy, because I know it's supposed to be about me, not him. But it's hard to care about someone and not really be able to express concern.
Posted by cricket on July 28, 2005, at 9:58:05
In reply to My last session for two weeks, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 19:35:01
That's funny.
We usually fight the first session back after a break.
Not sure why but it's definitely a pattern.
Last time, just to try and break the pattern I told him about a dream that I was sure he'd like because it was about him. They sure do like it to be all about them :)
This is the end of the thread.
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