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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 13:38:39
Question for my T next week:
When I was a child, I tried to VERY GOOD, VERY PERFECT, so I wouldn't get beat and so my parents would love me.
I try to be a great friend, but yet I get taken advantage of everytime of my good nature.
As an adult, I try to be a good mother, and a good wife, but yet my DH doesn't want me.
I try to be a good person but everyone always sh*ts on me. Why even try anymore, I either get used, abused or left out cold? What am I doing wrong?
Posted by muffled on November 25, 2005, at 15:45:05
In reply to Why be good, when sh*t always happens ?trigger, posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 13:38:39
Thats one I have struggled with too HF. I think its a spectrum thing. You can be assertive without being a doormat. I think that is key. I just figgering that stuff out. But if you read up on assertive, thats the thing.People respect assertiveness. Mostly they don't get mad. So longs your honest and straight with them. You can be assertive without being mean and nasty.
People just wipe their feet on doormats. Don't seem right, but its the way it is. I am tired of it.
I have mostly stopped it, and it feels GOOD!
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by sleepygirl on November 25, 2005, at 15:48:55
In reply to Why be good, when sh*t always happens ?trigger, posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 13:38:39
hhmmmm........this is now just off the top of my crazy head....you are the only person really who knows what you want, other people don't, you hope they do, but they only know what they themselves want (or maybe not :-) - you hope they will reciprocate your kindness or warmness or whatever, and perhaps, just maybe, whatever you do will be "good enough" to get something back in return - often this is ultimately disappointing and perhaps all too familiar :-(
Here's a saying, a 12 step sort of phrase:
"Expectations are premeditated resentments"How do you go about getting what you need? Uhh.....let me know when you find out, cause I'm workin' on that one. I think it's just sometimes too painful to accept that some people won't/can't give us what we need - if a child gives up that hope....I dunno, life can really suck, sometimes though you end up "dancing with ghosts" as I like to say - the people in your past who you can't see anymore, but who are nonetheless present in your relationships in some form
Interesting question you posted above :-)
Posted by allisonross on November 25, 2005, at 21:04:54
In reply to Why be good, when sh*t always happens ?trigger, posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 13:38:39
> Question for my T next week:
>
> When I was a child, I tried to VERY GOOD, VERY PERFECT, so I wouldn't get beat and so my parents would love me.My mother abused me, so I understand.
>
> I try to be a great friend, but yet I get taken advantage of everytime of my good nature.Same here.
>
> As an adult, I try to be a good mother, and a good wife, but yet my DH doesn't want me.
>
> I try to be a good person but everyone always sh*ts on me. Why even try anymore, I either get used, abused or left out cold? What am I doing wrong?Answer: NOTHING. It is the other people who are doing something wrong. I am determined to be myself, no matter what anyone else does. I will not allow anyone to drag me down to their level.
All we can do is be authentic. We cannot control what anyone else does. Knowing the difference between our stuff and "their" stuff is the key.
Posted by Angela2 on November 26, 2005, at 13:27:29
In reply to Why be good, when sh*t always happens ?trigger, posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 13:38:39
Maybe Be good to the people you want to be good to / the people who need it from you, like your kids. And don't associate with the people who are mean to you. (((((Happy Flower))))
Posted by orchid on November 28, 2005, at 6:52:11
In reply to Why be good, when sh*t always happens ?trigger, posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 13:38:39
I think you should not try to be good. You should try to be more natural at like what you really are. And other than certain things, like rules which cannot be broken and mild pleasantness and cooperativeness, it generally is good to be what you really are, and if what you really are is good, then that is what is good. Trying to be good artificially in the hope of getting something doesn't work out that well.
Posted by caraher on November 28, 2005, at 9:31:48
In reply to Re: Why be good, when sh*t always happens ?trigger » happyflower, posted by orchid on November 28, 2005, at 6:52:11
> Trying to be good artificially in the hope of getting something doesn't work out that well.
I agree with this. "Being good" in the expectation of a reward or to avoid a punishment probably shouldn't be the chief motivation because life just plain ain't always fair! As you've discovered...
This is the end of the thread.
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