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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 26, 2005, at 11:50:38
So I am thinking I'll tell my T how much of a problem I've had lately with not feeling connected. I think I've been on my best behavior if you know what I mean. It's hard when you've got someone important to you listening to you, sometimes I feel like that gets in the way of talking about what you need to.
I become preoccupied with 'why the heck does this person care?', 'wait a minute, he doesn't, of course not! why would he?', but maybe he does, and all the accompanying feelings. It's quite exhausting.So then the actual therapy relationship becomes the work, but don't I have other stuff to worry about? Yes, I do, but you always go to where the feelings are first don't you?
Why should the idea of sitting in a room talking to a person openly and honestly be so problematic?
I don't mean to sound simplistic here, but I feel caught up in my own stuff.
Posted by annierose on December 26, 2005, at 15:46:23
In reply to why do I go to T???, posted by sleepygirl on December 26, 2005, at 11:50:38
>>>Why should the idea of sitting in a room talking to a person openly and honestly be so problematic?<<<
It just is. We are our vulnerable emotional selves in that therapy room. We want the therapist to like us. We don't want them to think less of us because of something we said, did or thought. Even though I go 3x per week, my feelings for her often get in the way of being open. But I do discuss that with her and we go round and round this conversation often.
The therapy relationship is supposed to become the "work" as you stated. In some theories of therapy, that would be expected and encouraged (as my T believes). We paste on different feelings to our therapists (both good and bad) and resolves those issues with them. Ideally, practicing these skills with our T in this safe environment, understanding where these feelings originated, help resolve them in our everyday life.
Keep at it. I go in circles myself.
Posted by LauraBeane on December 26, 2005, at 16:32:00
In reply to why do I go to T???, posted by sleepygirl on December 26, 2005, at 11:50:38
I know just what you mean. I am really struggling with this.
Absolutely talk to him about not feeling connected. Talking to your therapist about the relationship *is* working on your stuff. Doubting the veracity of his feelings and whether he could ever really care about someone like you (me) is all about the way you feel about yourself.
And right, it's so frustrating because there's a lot of other stuff going on that sometimes has to take a backseat because time is limited and, as you say, the whole process of examining the relationship is emotionally so very exhausting. Yet I continue to question it, because I can't let it go yet, because I still don't believe.
they say that if it's important, it will come back around. Still, so many things are pressing and need to be addressed in therapy, it's hard for me to feel OK about letting some of it go, even if it's just for the time being. I suppose that's why therapy can take a good long time. things just have to play out themselves out.
I know I believe all this, but it's hard to feel it in my heart. I definitely don't think you're being simplistic. Anything but.
You're certainly not alone in feeling this way. Do bring it up.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 26, 2005, at 19:34:50
In reply to Re: why do I go to T??? » sleepygirl, posted by annierose on December 26, 2005, at 15:46:23
thank you for your response. I'm wondering since you go 3X a week if you are in psychoanalysis. I know my therapy is pretty psychodynamic, but I know not quite like psychoanalysis. Are you used to just bringing up this stuff (about how you feel about your T in any given moment) pretty spontaneously?
Posted by sleepygirl on December 26, 2005, at 19:38:57
In reply to Re: why do I go to T??? » sleepygirl, posted by LauraBeane on December 26, 2005, at 16:32:00
I wish I could just talk...you know, but again and again I get blocked. Thanks for the response.
I wish us both luck. :-)
Posted by annierose on December 26, 2005, at 20:58:30
In reply to Re: why do I go to T??? » annierose, posted by sleepygirl on December 26, 2005, at 19:34:50
My T is psychodynamic too, but she did suggest lieing on a couch might help me talk about those "hard to talk about" feelings. It took me 6 months just to decide to try lieing down. It's actually how I found babble --- my research if other people still did this. (Not too many, I found out).
After 2 weeks of my trial period, I told her even though it is so hard to close my eyes and relax, I did feel closer to her. I couldn't see her reaction, but I knew she was smiling from ear to ear.
I sometimes just bring up how I feel about her, but it's never an easy subject to start. I'm always glad I do. The hard sessions are the most rewarding (or can be). I wouldn't say "I'm use to it." It's still embarassing. I feel so vulnerable. I can't see her reaction to what I'm saying to judge her feelings. That makes it harder.
I'm not sure how different my therapy differs from psychoanalysis, although most go 4 to 5x per week. My T doesn't talk about herself or her personal life at all. I appreciate that, although I would love to know all the juicy details.
It's definitely a complicated relationship. But I am learning so much. And most importantly, I think I am a better mother because of it.
This is the end of the thread.
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