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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on March 18, 2006, at 15:32:57
This is out of my journal from this week, I SI:
I hate it. I hate it when I am not me. When I am being a way that is not good. But I can’t stop it. Cuz I think I’m there and involved at the time. But later, I look back. It wasn’t me. Where do I go? I can remember. But its like its not about me, like I’m remembering about someone else. No emotions involved. Just facts. Sickening facts. Who does these things? I only remember bits, little flashes of memory. Like a show I seen on T.V., but less detail, cuz I can’t see the face of the person involved. So I dunno if there’s emotions or not. Just the basic situation. Why, why does this person do these things? How can I stop her? I tried calling that crisis line, but I couldn’t make the person understand. What could she say anyway?
Least I not dead. That’s good. Least I not seriously injured. That’s good.So how do I stop this??????????????????
Anybody know??????????????????/Muffled
Posted by special_k on March 18, 2006, at 22:13:33
In reply to Hey can anyone help w/this?**dissoc./si/trigger?**, posted by muffled on March 18, 2006, at 15:32:57
(((((muffled)))))
i hate to suggest this...
oh wait. okay, i won't suggest it.
i have a question: why did you do it?
and i know you don't know the answer... but lets see if we can figure it out...
were you feeling pretty bad?
or pretty numb or something like that?how come?
what was going on?
is it still worrying you?
want to talk about it?sometimes... it feels like the bad feelings / numb feelings / episodes come out of nowhere and there isn't a trigger. but usually... there is. or there are a combination of factors. a combination of ruminations or periods / sicknesses or crappy situational things... that contribute to leave one feeling pretty bad / numb.
sometimes... learning to work them out (in hindsight) helps us learn to work them out in real time... in time to prevent things getting to that point. in time to... post about it first and get some support and help to feel better so one doesn't get into such a bad place... so one doesn't end up doing something like that.
i know you have done it before... talked about stuff... and ended up not self harming.
but it can be hard to work out what the hell is going on...
((((muffled))))
Posted by muffled on March 19, 2006, at 21:57:55
In reply to Re: Hey can anyone help w/this?**dissoc./si/trigger?** » muffled, posted by special_k on March 18, 2006, at 22:13:33
> (((((muffled)))))
***THX
>
> i hate to suggest this...***you can say anything to me
>
> oh wait. okay, i won't suggest it.***chicken! ;-) Now you GOTTA suggest it.
>
> i have a question: why did you do it?
>
> and i know you don't know the answer... but lets see if we can figure it out...
>
> were you feeling pretty bad?
> or pretty numb or something like that?***Just all freaking crazy in my head
>
> how come?***dunno. T's on holiday? Kids at home? Hormones? Been having bad thots/emotions last while? Sinus infection? Meds?
>
> what was going on?
> is it still worrying you?
> want to talk about it?***I can never figger this stuff out. I just get confused and frustrated. It happens over and over again. I sick of it.
>
> sometimes... it feels like the bad feelings / numb feelings / episodes come out of nowhere and there isn't a trigger. but usually... there is. or there are a combination of factors. a combination of ruminations or periods / sicknesses or crappy situational things... that contribute to leave one feeling pretty bad / numb.
>
> sometimes... learning to work them out (in hindsight) helps us learn to work them out in real time... in time to prevent things getting to that point. in time to... post about it first and get some support and help to feel better so one doesn't get into such a bad place... so one doesn't end up doing something like that.
>
> i know you have done it before... talked about stuff... and ended up not self harming.
>
> but it can be hard to work out what the hell is going on...
>
> ((((muffled))))
>
***sometimes when I get that way my brain just shorts out. I can't think. I can't post cuz theres no words. Everybody is in conflict and confused. Its just too much confusion and fear and pain and revulsion and hate. Its all mixed up. I dunno where it comes from. It doesn't make sense.
I get lost............
Thanks K for reply. There was another good one on the mark awhile back. Dunno if I said thanks. If not. Thanks.
Hope you doing ok.
((((((((((((K)))))))))))))))
Posted by special_k on March 20, 2006, at 1:31:21
In reply to Re: Hey can anyone help w/this?**dissoc./si/trigger?** » special_k, posted by muffled on March 19, 2006, at 21:57:55
> > (((((muffled)))))
> ***THXwelcome :-)
> > i hate to suggest this...
> ***you can say anything to me
> > oh wait. okay, i won't suggest it.
> ***chicken! ;-) Now you GOTTA suggest it.ah. i was going to suggest you do a behavioural analysis of what happened. then i remembered that i *hated* behavioural analyses and *hated* it when my t suggested i did a behavioural analysis. so i thought... i'd just talk you through it instead of saying 'why don't you do a behavioural analysis' and just listing the bullet pointed questions (so you see i did a sneaky and pretty much said it but i hoped to phrase it in a more palatable way)
;-)
> > i have a question: why did you do it?(see that is the start of the behavioural analysis)
;-)
> > and i know you don't know the answer...and my t never seemed to believe me on that point BUT THAT IS IMPORTANT DAMMIT!!!!!
> > but lets see if we can figure it out...
(see this ain't so bad)
;-)> > were you feeling pretty bad?
> > or pretty numb or something like that?
> ***Just all freaking crazy in my head(((((muffled))))) kind of confused? panicky? can you describe it any more or not really? i used to try and describe some of how i was feeling / thinking over on the writing board. sometimes it was really hard. would talk in metaphor or whatever. but i found it really helped me to get it out.
> > how come?
> ***dunno. T's on holiday?:-( that can be a hard time for a lot of people. i know it was a hard time for me. i'd feel kind of alone and abandoned and like i needed them and they weren't there :-(
> >Kids at home?
that can be pretty stressful too... how is that going? do you get much time to yourself? or to do things you like to do?
> >Hormones?
that time of the month? i have noticed my mood takes a dive (or gets messed up really) just before i'm due. also... mid cycle sometimes. and sometimes... after my period. sigh. can i ever get away from the damned thing? sometimes it can help a little to know that that is what is going on...
> >Been having bad thots/emotions last while?
want to talk about those a little? i don't think there is any such thing as 'bad' thoughts / emotions... just ones that are hard for us to admit to, or ones we judge ourselves for having :-(. but you don't 'choose' to have them... i mean... you wouldn't have 'bad' thoughts if you could help it - right? ;-)
> >Sinus infection?
you too? i've been crappy over that one too :-(
> >Meds?
whats up with those? have you had them adjusted / do you need them adjusted? have you been taking them ok?
> ***I can never figger this stuff out.
you have been doing a good job so far...
> > I just get confused and frustrated. It happens over and over again. I sick of it.
yeah. i feel like that a bit too. sometimes it gets real bad. :-( horrible. i hate it :-( i used to SI when i got like that too. it used to help short term... but long term... i'd just beat myself up worse for having done that :-( i think it is one of those short term help - long term harm kind of things. that is why it can be good to try and figure out some alternatives to doing that... so long term... we feel better about ourself and our ability to cope and don't regret having done that later :-( but it can be hard :-(
> ***sometimes when I get that way my brain just shorts out. I can't think.yeah. i feel like that sometimes too. like it just overloads with stress and shorts out, yeah.
> >I can't post cuz theres no words. Everybody is in conflict and confused. Its just too much confusion and fear and pain and revulsion and hate. Its all mixed up. I dunno where it comes from. It doesn't make sense.
i think i feel like that sometimes too :-(
sometimes i go over to writing with the intention of venting about how i am feeling... and i can't find any words... i can't find any words to describe... i'm not sure where it comes from either... maybe... built up energy... sometimes with the rage etc it can help a bit to get some of it out... to try and say 'i'm feeling so mad' then ask yourself 'why am i feeling so mad' and just try and draw it out of yourself... if your kid is mad then you can do that with her too... maybe post it as a dialogue? sometimes it can help to figure stuff out... because i reckon that the answer is in us somewhere... it is just that it can be really very hard to see how to draw it out... i don't know.:-)
(((muffled)))
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