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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on April 19, 2006, at 18:02:49
I am in therapy dealing with traumatic incidents involving my parents and some other traumas, and it seems to me I'm going through a period where I want to deny that any of it ever happened and believe that my entire family is perfect. My T keeps reminding me that that may be what I wish, but that I know that's not the truth, just based on the few things I've told him.
So, does anyone here dealing with trauma, have you ever found that you go through/went through a period where you wanted to deny any of it ever happened? I just want my life to be nice sometimes and it's hard to accept that it wasn't, although I have the potential to make it better in the future. I guess I'm kind of rambling and don't really know what I'm asking, but does anyone have any similar experiences?
Posted by Poet on April 19, 2006, at 18:20:20
In reply to do you ever wish...?, posted by sunnydays on April 19, 2006, at 18:02:49
Hi sunnydays,
For awhile my T had me journaling. So I not only deny things I said, but things I wrote and let her read.
I try very hard to paint a pretty picture that my childhood wasn't that awful. That if anything bad did happen to me that it was my fault. Problem is I contradict myself and my T always points it out. *That's not what you said a few minutes ago...* Or *since when?* It's okay that she's blunt with me, I am not easy to work with and when she's blunt I listen.
<<I just want my life to be nice sometimes and it's hard to accept that it wasn't, although I have the potential to make it better in the future.
Me too, only I don't have the optimism that I have the potential to make it better. Though I've stuck it out in therapy for 3 1/2 years, so part of me must want to stop denying and dodging, right? Maybe?
Poet
Posted by sunnydays on April 19, 2006, at 18:37:33
In reply to Re: do you ever wish...? » sunnydays, posted by Poet on April 19, 2006, at 18:20:20
Thanks for responding.
> For awhile my T had me journaling. So I not only deny things I said, but things I wrote and let her read.
That's kind of like what I do. There are so many things I know quite well are true, but I will sit there and deny them. Or twist it around so that it couldn't *possibly* have been the person who did it's fault. It's not always necessarily my fault, but I usually don't like assigning blame to those who might deserve it.
> Problem is I contradict myself and my T always points it out. *That's not what you said a few minutes ago...* Or *since when?* It's okay that she's blunt with me, I am not easy to work with and when she's blunt I listen.
Yeah, me either. :) My T never lets me get away with it either.
> Me too, only I don't have the optimism that I have the potential to make it better. Though I've stuck it out in therapy for 3 1/2 years, so part of me must want to stop denying and dodging, right? Maybe?
Yeah, I think that you must still have some hope left in you somewhere. :) I'm trying to not to give up on my life quite yet because I'm still in college and I really don't want to believe that by now my life is already predetermined. I could see how maybe if you're older than me (I'm not sure) it might be harder to hold on to the optimism. Although optimism isn't the right word, because I'm definitely not an optimist. Thanks for posting your experience. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
sunnydays
Posted by Racer on April 19, 2006, at 21:28:13
In reply to Re: do you ever wish...?, posted by sunnydays on April 19, 2006, at 18:37:33
> > I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
>Oh, my...
No, you're not alone, and if you go back a bit into the archives, you'll find a thread I posted on this subject that shows that WE'RE not alone. Lemme see if I can get a link quickly...
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/623482.html
That's the most directly on point, and I knew it was there because I started it, but I'm equally sure there are other threads on similar subjects, if you wanted to look for them.
I don't know what to tell you about it all except that we're not alone...
Posted by Daisym on April 20, 2006, at 2:30:53
In reply to do you ever wish...?, posted by sunnydays on April 19, 2006, at 18:02:49
It is a pretty common part of the spiral -- this wanting to deny part. I sometimes feel like I made it all up, it was a bad dream and now I can shake it off.
It is Ok to pretend for a little while that all is well. Really, it is. No family is perfect, except maybe our Babble family. :)
Hang in there. Ebbs and flows, Ebbs and flows...
Posted by happyflower on April 20, 2006, at 7:36:13
In reply to do you ever wish...?, posted by sunnydays on April 19, 2006, at 18:02:49
Hi Sunnydays (love your name!)
I grew up going through a lot of trama almost everyday and I think what kept my spirt going and living was denial of what was really going on. It helped me succeed in school and do a lot of things. I kept up this pretending for a long time until therapy where I couldn't pretend anymore. The effects of the early trama came back into my life and was hurting me emotionally and physically. Through EMDR, the mask I wore of a perfect childhood was ripped off. I couldn't pretend any longer and I had to face what happened to me, accept it, and move forward. It was for me a huge step in therapy to finally admit to myself that yes I was abused.
I think we pretend to keep ourselves safe in the world. I think maybe when you are ready, and feeling safe with your T , safe in your life, feeling strong, you might be ready to accept your past. Until then, keep wishing until you are ready. I think your feelings are sooo normal. (((((sunnydays))))
Posted by antigua on April 20, 2006, at 8:49:11
In reply to do you ever wish...?, posted by sunnydays on April 19, 2006, at 18:02:49
Hang in there, don't give up. Even after 15 years of therapy, I told my T yesterday that maybe I made it all up, that I could deny it. But I think what I really meant is that I've dealt with it and I'm trying to move on a bit. I don't think about it all the time like I used to. I know it's there and if something triggers me, I'm right back in the same place with denial.
I'm with Daisy, it's all part of the process.I'm a slow learner, so you'd think after all this time this wouldn't happen to me. But it's a defense that I revert to. I'm trying to develop better coping skills.
good luck,
antigua
Posted by sunnydays on April 20, 2006, at 12:14:47
In reply to Me? Never... » sunnydays, posted by Racer on April 19, 2006, at 21:28:13
Hi!
Thanks for posting the link for that. It sounds very similar to what I am experiencing. My T also thinks that have a right to be angry and is trying to help me express my anger. So far, I'm to scared to be angry at all, however. But I'll keep working...
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on April 20, 2006, at 12:16:30
In reply to Re: do you ever wish...? » sunnydays, posted by Daisym on April 20, 2006, at 2:30:53
Thank you so much for your words of support. It helps to know I'm not alone. I've read some of your posts, and I really admire the hard work you are doing in therapy.
Thanks so much for saying it's okay to pretend. :)
Posted by sunnydays on April 20, 2006, at 12:18:41
In reply to Re: do you ever wish...?, posted by happyflower on April 20, 2006, at 7:36:13
Thank you so much for your post. I almost started crying when I read your kind words. I definitely have to feel safe in my life, and when I am still financially dependent on my parents, that's hard. I'm really sorry to hear that you had a hard life. Thanks for your words of support.
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