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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 9:46:44
Hello...
I hope you don't mind that I seem to pop in and out with an occasional question.
Here it is:
Does anyone send their therapist a card for Mother's Day?I suddenly feel like a dork! But I've always sent her one. Of course the wording has to be appropriate and all. Well, I was looking at cards last night and I saw the one I sent her last year... which was perfect. So I was looking for another similar type one and began feeling like it wasn't right. I mean, I felt all self-conscious, and like sending it would be bad, corny, etc.
So I'm wondering if anyone else has ever sent one. I feel like I want to, but the rational part of me feels like it's wrong.
Any thoughts?
thanks... lgl
Posted by bent on May 4, 2006, at 10:24:35
In reply to T and Mother's Day, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 9:46:44
I've never given my T a card of any type although I have wanted to. And I can see why mother's day more than something else. I really struggle with my feelings towards my T (and my mom) on Mother's day. I wonder what my T's kids do for her on mother's day and stuff like that. I hate it. But I totally understand where you are coming from. If she's cool with a card I see nothing wrong. It's kind of unique.
Posted by LadyBug on May 4, 2006, at 11:22:47
In reply to T and Mother's Day, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 9:46:44
I've always had a special place in my heart for my T on Mother's Day. The first year, I wanted to give her a hug not knowing it was a boundary breaker. She let me becasue it was Mother's Day. But the following week we talked about it. I've given her a few Mother's Day cards or at least wished her a Happy Mother's day. I've always thought she was my therapist "Mother" so I always feel like I should wish her a Happy Day. We will be talking about it this week I suppose.
I think a card is fine as long as you convey what your reasons are giving it to her. I've learned not to try to hide behind some feelings by giving her a card and that I should tell her what I'm feeling too.
Gor for it, I would.
LadyBug
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 11:27:41
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day » LittleGirlLost, posted by bent on May 4, 2006, at 10:24:35
> I really struggle with my feelings towards my T (and my mom) on Mother's day. I wonder what my T's kids do for her on mother's day and stuff like that.
Thanks, I appreciate the input, Bent. :)
It's weird, but I think this is why I am ambivalent about sending it this year, because I do struggle so much with the feelings... and this year has been especially difficult I think because we are finally starting to look at those feelings <at least a bit>. I still feel like they are wrong or weird or something which is why i think i suddenly feel more self-conscious about the card.As far as what you said about wondering what her kids do for her... I think it too. Often. It's funny, but I just assume my T has kids, don't know as fact either way. I just assume she does; though they would be grown. She might even be a grandma.
I'm getting a headache. I just think this triggers all sorts of feelings, and I don't know if sending a card would be giving in to them, ya know? My heart/feelings feel like they wanna send a card, but that rational part is telling me that is wrong. Does that make sense?
Oh Jeez, I almost feel like talking to her about this, but that would ruin the surprise. lol
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 12:30:55
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day, posted by LadyBug on May 4, 2006, at 11:22:47
> I've always had a special place in my heart for my T on Mother's Day. The first year, I wanted to give her a hug not knowing it was a boundary breaker. She let me becasue it was Mother's Day. But the following week we talked about it. I've given her a few Mother's Day cards or at least wished her a Happy Mother's day. I've always thought she was my therapist "Mother" so I always feel like I should wish her a Happy Day. We will be talking about it this week I suppose.
> I think a card is fine as long as you convey what your reasons are giving it to her. I've learned not to try to hide behind some feelings by giving her a card and that I should tell her what I'm feeling too.
> Gor for it, I would.
> LadyBugThanks for sharing your experience with this, LadyBug. Wow that's cool that she let you give her a hug! I'd be too afraid, so I found myself smiling as I read your post.
I understand that she is my therapist and I wouldn't get a real "motherly" kind of card, but I also feel that (like you said) she is a "therapist mother". I mean, emotionally she feels like a mother, and I think that what helps me is not only the clinical therapy stuff, but the feeling nurtured, as a child would by a mother. I feel like that's bad though. I have a hard time admitting any of this to her. In the back of my mind, I always feel like if my own mother rejected me, I couldn't possibly expect anyone else to care for me (or like me) the way a mother would.As an aside.... I was sick recently and when I called her during the week and told her that I wished I was with her, especially now, she said "of course you would. anyone would want to feel cared for." I just have a hard time admitting these things though. I feel like I am crossing boundries for even feeling this way.
Ok, I think I went off on a tangent somewhere. :)
lgl
Posted by fairywings on May 4, 2006, at 12:53:33
In reply to T and Mother's Day, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 9:46:44
What an incredibly thoughtful and special gesture. I'm sure it warms her heart to know you feel that way.
fw
Posted by daisym on May 4, 2006, at 14:20:10
In reply to T and Mother's Day, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 9:46:44
I think expressing your feelings of warmth and love for another person, in an appropriate way, is a generous sharing of your spirit. It takes courage, but imagine for just a minute you were your therapist. Wouldn't it make you smile to know that you've touched someone's heart in this way? My therapist responds to me all the time, "who wouldn't want to be special?" -- and this includes him.
I vote for sending the card. If it was out of bounds with her, she'd have told you the first time you sent one.
btw, I think she is lucky to have you as a client.
hugs,
Daisy
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 14:37:19
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day » LittleGirlLost, posted by fairywings on May 4, 2006, at 12:53:33
> What an incredibly thoughtful and special gesture. I'm sure it warms her heart to know you feel that way.
>
> fwReally??? (How do you type eyes bugging out of your head?!) :)
As much as I understand about therapy and transference, I still feel like my feelings are wrong.lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 14:43:48
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day » LittleGirlLost, posted by daisym on May 4, 2006, at 14:20:10
> I think expressing your feelings of warmth and love for another person, in an appropriate way, is a generous sharing of your spirit. It takes courage, but imagine for just a minute you were your therapist. Wouldn't it make you smile to know that you've touched someone's heart in this way? My therapist responds to me all the time, "who wouldn't want to be special?" -- and this includes him.
Wow, Daisy! When you put it that way... I would SO want to know how much I've touched someone!
Can you tell I'm from a family where feelings of warmth or love were never expressed? I would love to be able to tell people how I feel about them... especially when it's positive; yet that seems harder than feeling negative.
> I vote for sending the card. If it was out of bounds with her, she'd have told you the first time you sent one.Good point! :)
> btw, I think she is lucky to have you as a client.I need to read this over and over. So very hard to take in.
hugs back to you!
lgl
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 4, 2006, at 18:34:07
In reply to T and Mother's Day, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 4, 2006, at 9:46:44
Yes, every year. I try not to miss opportunities to thank my T for "raising me," which in many ways she did. She seems to be touched by them. Last year, she asked if her card was bigger than my mother's. Every now and then, she pops up with something funny at the most unexpected times. I told her it definitely was and we both laughed.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 5, 2006, at 8:51:37
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day » LittleGirlLost, posted by TherapyGirl on May 4, 2006, at 18:34:07
> Yes, every year. I try not to miss opportunities to thank my T for "raising me," which in many ways she did. She seems to be touched by them.
That's awesome! And I don't know if I said it in a previous post, but that's exactly how it feels. My mother may have raised me physically, but my T is raising me emotionally. (I'm still having a hard time believing that it is okay for me to feel this way!)
>Last year, she asked if her card was bigger than my mother's. Every now and then, she pops up with something funny at the most unexpected times. I told her it definitely was and we both laughed.
awwww that's cute! LOL!
~lgl
Posted by fairywings on May 5, 2006, at 13:13:53
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day » TherapyGirl, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 5, 2006, at 8:51:37
I think the way you feel about her is really touching, and letting her know is really thoughtful.
fw
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 5, 2006, at 13:57:33
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day » LittleGirlLost, posted by fairywings on May 5, 2006, at 13:13:53
> I think the way you feel about her is really touching, and letting her know is really thoughtful.
Gosh fairywings, I'm touched that you would say that about ME. Now I'm starting to imagine just how touched she would feel knowing (rather than disgusted like I always think!)
Thanks for saying that. :)
lgl
Posted by fairywings on May 6, 2006, at 14:14:39
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day » fairywings, posted by LittleGirlLost on May 5, 2006, at 13:57:33
LGL
You sound so sweet and innocent....you'd make a good child - you'd be any mom's dream.
fw
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 8, 2006, at 8:06:23
In reply to Re: T and Mother's Day » LittleGirlLost, posted by fairywings on May 6, 2006, at 14:14:39
> LGL
>
> You sound so sweet and innocent....you'd make a good child - you'd be any mom's dream.
>
> fwGosh fw, this just warmed my heart. I don't even know how to respond. thanks :)
lgl
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