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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
Help, i couldn't convince my pdoc that i;m not a danger to sh*tface, because i'm not convinced myself. i don't know i really don't know these plans are so controlling i can't think of much else right now and haven't been able to for a while and it is all building towards Sat which is a huge trigger date for me and when i would have the perfect arena to act on these thoughts. i don't feel rational pdoc explained what would happen if i do this but maybe i am the price that has to be paid, then a glimmer of something pdoc said how hard T & i had worked and that i would ruin all that, maybe i can stop this if i think of it like that, i need T right now, it's not fair, could i email him even though i'm not his responsibility anymore. I'm bad & scared very scared, scared of me scared of them, pdoc is informing the authorities i don't know what happens next but the police will know then and pdoc says i am responsible for my actions but i don't know if thats true, i tried to see sh*tface on the computer and freaked out there was no way i could 'control' that.how am i going to control this thing face to face, yet i want to prove that i'm better than him but maybe i'm not, i want to be seen to have survived him but what if this 'thing' get the better of me maybe not go but then it will never be over. Sorry can't think staight, scared got to go
bad milly
Posted by serena11 on May 17, 2006, at 17:49:47
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
It sounds like you have a caring doctor who wants to keep you safe. As scared as you feel, it seems like maybe you have some hope that therapy will help. I remember having a particular date that I was never supposed to survive, and I had a therapist who helped me get past that day. I hope you will continue to reach out for help, just like you did when you posted here.
Posted by canadagirl on May 17, 2006, at 21:26:36
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
Milly, I can offer you the perspective of "tomorrow"...hang in there...just hang in there.... take it one hour at a time. One minute at a time if you have to. I think most of us have been in our own "bad place" too and come out the other end. Be gentle on yourself. Is there anyone who can give you some support for Saturday?
Posted by muffled on May 17, 2006, at 23:12:54
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
> Help, i couldn't convince my pdoc that i;m not a danger to sh*tface, because i'm not convinced myself.
***Thats cuz your good milly and you honest
i don't know i really don't know these plans are so controlling i can't think of much else right now and haven't been able to for a while and it is all building towards Sat which is a huge trigger date for me and when i would have the perfect arena to act on these thoughts.
***THIS WILL PASS.....please try to remember this. Just make it thru one hour, 15 mins., one min. at a time....
i don't feel rational pdoc explained what would happen if i do this but maybe i am the price that has to be paid,
***Milly, you not the price, you not, you very valuable.
then a glimmer of something pdoc said how hard T & i had worked and that i would ruin all that, maybe i can stop this if i think of it like that,
***Ya, T would be pretty dissapointed I guess.
i need T right now, it's not fair, could i email him even though i'm not his responsibility anymore.
***Could you? I dunno?
I'm bad & scared very scared, scared of me scared of them, pdoc is informing the authorities i don't know what happens next but the police will know then and pdoc says i am responsible for my actions but i don't know if thats true,
***If you think you can't do it, goto hosp., thats what its for. Give yourself a break. Why don't they admit you?
Don't be afraid of authorties, you got p-doc and husband to advocate for you.i tried to see sh*tface on the computer and freaked out there was no way i could 'control' that.how am i going to control this thing face to face, yet i want to prove that i'm better than him but maybe i'm not, i want to be seen to have survived him but what if this 'thing' get the better of me maybe not go but then it will never be over.
***"this thing" is just emotions, and beleive me I know they seriously freaky, I only just truly came to understand that all this weird stuff I felt was emotions, and I can let them go. They not evil, they don't control me. I can go to my rational mind once I have done some calming deep breathing.
The emotions get very strong at times, but then they ease up a bit, then they strong, then they ease up. Like waves on the ocean. They DO ease up.
You are better than him Milly. Thats why people want to help you. Because we like and care about you. We want you to be ok, and come thru this stronger than ever and be able to help others who are having crisis. Cuz you KNOW. Others don't know. Only those who been there know, and we goto hang in and help each other.Sorry can't think staight, scared got to go
***Can you imagine me holding your hand? I am holding it tight. Cuz I DO care. I'm hanging on so tight.
Be safe,
Please be safe,
Love,
Muffled
Posted by Fall Girl on May 17, 2006, at 23:22:59
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
Strong Milly can see her way through. Strong Milly can take a deep breath and speak to the fear. Smart Milly can avoid doing what is harmful to herself. Wise Milly can listen to pdoc's words and hear them. Valuable Milly is not ransom for anything. Worthy Milly can ask for and lean on pdoc and others for the support she needs.
Posted by madeline on May 18, 2006, at 7:25:05
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
Milly, you know I care for you right? So I'm just going to give it to you straight.
1. This man ruined the first part of your life, are you going to give him the power to ruin the rest of it as well? Think about it. You can finally control the situation. Are you going to let him "take" you again?
2. This is NOT just about you and what you want. So many people would be horribly upset if you acted out and did something rash. I know that if you did something, I would be devastated. I can't remember right now if you have children, but for heaven's sake think about THEM!
3. Do what you need to do on Saturday to keep yourself away from this man. Sit in the police station, sit in your pdocs driveway, office or living room. Tie yourself to the bed, I don't know, but let that day pass by without incident to prove to yourself that you are strong enough NOT to do this.
I do understand how you feel, really I do, but it is NOT right.
Please take the steps you need to in order to keep yourself safe from this man again.
I'm here.
Maddie
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 18, 2006, at 8:29:42
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
Milly, I totally agree with Madeline. Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe and keep away from sh*tface. He's NOT worth it -- YOU are worth it.
((((((((((((((((MILLY))))))))))))))))
Posted by muffled on May 18, 2006, at 8:39:27
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 18, 2006, at 9:07:57
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
> Help, i couldn't convince my pdoc that i;m not a danger to sh*tface, because i'm not convinced myself. i don't know i really don't know these plans are so controlling i can't think of much else right now and haven't been able to for a while and it is all building towards Sat which is a huge trigger date for me and when i would have the perfect arena to act on these thoughts.
So, what you're doing right now is "putting out the cushions". You know there is going to be some emotional gymnastics, so you spread out the mats on the floor. No hard surfaces. Lots of pillows. Make it as comfortable as you can be.
Fear. False Expectations Appearing Real. F.E.A.R.
You can handle that.
Lar
Posted by fairywings on May 18, 2006, at 9:55:42
In reply to Re: I'm in a really scary place right now » milly, posted by madeline on May 18, 2006, at 7:25:05
There's not much I can add to the great support people have posted milly. I agree, keep yourself safe, it's good your pdoc knows, and will help you. Are you on any meds? Can you see him Sat. to be sure you're in the right place mentally?
Keep safe, so your family will always have you, they need you!
fw
Posted by Poet on May 18, 2006, at 14:02:29
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
Hi Milly,
I can tell how scared you are. I don't think you are a price that has to be paid. Revenge on Sh*tface is not worth having to pay the consequences of what your actions would bring upon you.
I have self harm trigger dates. It's hard to let the anniversaries of those dates pass, but I am doing it. Try hard to let this one pass. You told your pdoc about what's going on in your head, beyond calling the police on you, what can he do to help you get through this crisis? Meds? Go inpatient until the crisis passes?
Please take care of yourself.
Safe cyber hugs ((((Milly))))
Poet
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