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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fall Girl on May 13, 2006, at 10:24:49
In reply to Re: Another Newbie » Fall Girl, posted by milly on May 12, 2006, at 15:44:33
Thanks to Milly for the invite to the Psychology board. I'd like to hear from people who have terminated or are considering terminating with their therapist. I've been in therapy for the past 2 years with my first male therapist. How do you know it's time?
Posted by happyflower on May 13, 2006, at 11:00:51
In reply to Re: Another Newbie, posted by Fall Girl on May 13, 2006, at 10:24:49
Welcome Fall Girl!
I am sure you will feel at home here in no time. :-)
I have been in therapy for the first time for about 1 1/2 years and I am getting close to termination. My T says that a client usually knows when it is time. He says that it will feel like we are just rehashing the same stuff and that it seems like they are being less helpful then before. He said sometimes you need to balance the cost with amount of helpfullness you are receiving. He said a lot of clients just take a break too, and come back in a year or two. He said he sometimes sees clients come back after 10 years for more therapy. He said sometimes we can taper off, like come once a month and then gradually taper that too.Have you talked about this with your T yet? I think the fact that you are asking this, it might be a sign that you are ready. Well anyways, I am sure you will get some great advice here from others to help you make your decision. Good luck!
Posted by madeline on May 13, 2006, at 16:44:20
In reply to Re: Another Newbie, posted by Fall Girl on May 13, 2006, at 10:24:49
Sometimes the issue of termination comes up and it's just simply a sign of resistance in therapy.
The ole "This hurts too bad, so I think that I am going to stop coming" or "I hate my therapist he doesn't love me" or even the "I feel worse! Therapy is supposed to make me feel better" I've said all of those more than once.
My therapist and I have an agreement that there will be no termination until both parties agree it's time. Then we will start the termination phase of therapy.
A bit strange you ask? BOTH parties have to agree? Well, I trust my therapist enough to know when I am resisting and when I'm really ready to go. It's also nice because if HE thinks I'm ready and I don't, then I stay.
You should certainly talk to your therapist and see what he has to say about termination.
But, keep us posted.
Posted by Fall Girl on May 14, 2006, at 8:11:19
In reply to Re: Another Newbie » Fall Girl, posted by happyflower on May 13, 2006, at 11:00:51
Happyflower, thanx for the welcome. As far as having the knowing that it is 'time', I have been wondering, but not necessarily knowing. The issue that brought me to therapy has been handled; I got exactly what I came for, and I was feeling clean, fresh, breezy. There are multitudes of things to work on, though, so I didn't want to rush. I have approached the subject (terminating) several times with my T. He says we talk about it and see where it leads. He doesn't agree with the tapering off thing in my case, but didn't clearly explain that.
Now for the embarrassing part: he actually fell asleep during our last session. I have no idea how to handle that. I've never even heard of it happening to anyone, but it makes me feel as though it really IS time for me to go, and don't wait another 5 minutes!
Posted by Fall Girl on May 14, 2006, at 8:21:00
In reply to Re: Another Newbie, posted by madeline on May 13, 2006, at 16:44:20
Hi, Madeline:
I'll trust that you read my reply to happyflower, so that I don't repeat myself! I wondered myself if I was resisting something, and chose not to terminate quickly just in case. I've usually felt that my therapist appreciates me and even enjoys me. He's always thought that we should discuss my feelings for him, so that's what I've been doing lately. Maybe he finds the subject of himself boring and that's why he dropped off in our last session!
p.s.
I like the agreement you have with your therapist regarding terminating.
Posted by milly on May 14, 2006, at 10:23:04
In reply to Re: Another Newbie, posted by Fall Girl on May 13, 2006, at 10:24:49
Thanks for the affirming post you left on the thread above, that was really sweet of you and helped.
OMG did he really fall asleep? did he snore? i think you probably need to ask him about that!!!
If you are terminating because therapy has acheived what you wanted it to acheived then I think you will probably know when.
If you are terminating because you think you are boring him (eg him asleep ) then you could try to talk about it with him
and if you are terminating because it is getting tough then you probably need to stay and try and sort it out
just my humble opinion
milly
Posted by Fall Girl on May 14, 2006, at 18:04:59
In reply to Re: Another Newbie » Fall Girl, posted by milly on May 14, 2006, at 10:23:04
LOL - no, no snoring, but he did shake his face and make a bbbbbbb sound with his mouth. He couldn't form an intelligible sentence for a moment, and it wasn't on track when he did speak. Maybe he had a seizure (I'm only kind of kidding).
It is getting a little tougher, now that I don't have a pressing, immediate concern to discuss.
I feel like not showing up for the next appt., and just moving on to a different therapist if I decide I want to work more. That was insulting beyond words to me, and this is one of the frustrating things about therapy to me: is the therapist ever wrong? Is there anyone to go to when you feel wronged?
Posted by annierose on May 15, 2006, at 6:35:14
In reply to Re: Another Newbie milly, posted by Fall Girl on May 14, 2006, at 18:04:59
That is terrible! Did he acknowledge that he fell asleep after it happened? Or did you just pretend you didn't noitce?
I would bring it up. This isn't about you. He didn't get a good night of sleep, or he over-schedule himself that day, or he ate a heavy lunch, etc.
Say something like, "I felt hurt during our last session when you nodded off for a moment."
And wait for him to respond.
Posted by fallsfall on May 15, 2006, at 8:40:13
In reply to Re: Another Newbie milly, posted by Fall Girl on May 14, 2006, at 18:04:59
The question of who you can go to when you feel wronged by "the guy at the top" is a real trigger for me! Please don't just not go back. Face this, and make him face it, too.
I think that the standard responses are either that the therapist was unusually tired (i.e. it was HIS issue, not yours), or that the patient wasn't talking about "genuine" stuff. The implication is if the patient was talking about stuff that mattered, that the therapist wouldn't be sleepy. It isn't a particularly fun discussion. But I think it is an important one to have.
Posted by Fall Girl on May 16, 2006, at 22:42:59
In reply to Re: Another Newbie milly » Fall Girl, posted by fallsfall on May 15, 2006, at 8:40:13
Thanks, you guys, for your input. I know you are right that I should deal with the subject with him. I get to do that tomorrow. I know that it is said that therapist boredom is related to patient distance (the patient has distanced him or herself somehow and, as you said, isn't being "genuine"). I'm wondering, too, if it isn't related to the therapist needing to distance himself from strong feelings, since we have been discussing "my feelings for him" as he phrases it (i.e., he "feels" like a "daddy" and I have had images of sitting in his lap reading books with him; stuff like that).
I'll let you know what happens!
Posted by Fall Girl on May 16, 2006, at 22:54:33
In reply to Re: Another Newbie milly » Fall Girl, posted by annierose on May 15, 2006, at 6:35:14
The sad thing is that I DID choose not to mention it that day, but I was mean and kept changing the subject after that so that it would be harder for him to follow me. I was just too astounded to know what to say about it at the time.
Posted by Fall Girl on May 18, 2006, at 22:18:28
In reply to Re: Another Newbieannierose, posted by Fall Girl on May 16, 2006, at 22:54:33
I was scared, but I dove in right away. He said firmly (several times), looking me in the eye, that he was not bored, but had not had enough sleep the night before. We talked about it to my satisfaction, and, once again I left feeling very good about him as a therapist. Thanks to all for listening.
Posted by fallsfall on May 19, 2006, at 11:47:04
In reply to Re: Another Newbie We talked, posted by Fall Girl on May 18, 2006, at 22:18:28
Posted by milly on May 22, 2006, at 14:15:02
In reply to Re: Another Newbie We talked, posted by Fall Girl on May 18, 2006, at 22:18:28
This is the end of the thread.
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