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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on May 16, 2006, at 12:39:03
I've been away from Babble for a long time. This morning, my mother sent me an email that sent me into a rage, and I basically called her up and told her some of the most horrible things in the world, all true, all things I figured out in therapy. I guess I was angry? But I can't take them back now. And I'm sure they were extremely hurtful. And there's a huge part of me that REALLY DOESN'T CARE.That makes me sad, that I don't care.
And I'm sad because I miss you guys and I feel very disconnected.
Posted by LadyBug on May 16, 2006, at 17:29:40
In reply to Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom?, posted by crushedout on May 16, 2006, at 12:39:03
I'm assuming your ralationship with your mom was troubled before you entered therapy? And you are now seeing all this? It's good to not care sometimes as long as it feels healthy to you.
LadyBug
Posted by fallsfall on May 17, 2006, at 7:44:04
In reply to Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom?, posted by crushedout on May 16, 2006, at 12:39:03
(((Crushed)))
Maybe those things needed to be said. Maybe she listened and will understand you better. Maybe she will be sorry. Maybe it will allow the two of you to become closer.
Maybe telling the truth was healing for you.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 17, 2006, at 9:06:59
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom? » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on May 17, 2006, at 7:44:04
Hi crushed. It's good to see you here. I'm sorry about the hurtful email from your mom. And it's really hard when you have conflicted feelings about a parent and something triggers those to the forefront. It may have been hurtful for your mother to hear, and maybe it's not the way you planned to tell her what you've learned, if you ever would. But it sounds like it was an authentic expression of your feelings at the moment. Did you feel any positive feelings about that in the midst of the turmoil?
I don't know what your relationship with your mom is like, but I do think that you can get through this with her if you two can talk about it. It may not be easy, and it can be difficult to manage conflicting feelings of love and anger at a parent at the same time.
But all you can do is keep going forward, imo.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 17, 2006, at 9:55:51
In reply to Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom?, posted by crushedout on May 16, 2006, at 12:39:03
> That makes me sad, that I don't care.
It doesn't sound to me that you don't care. It sounds to me that you are at a stable place in your caring. What happened did not go according to any plan. You did not think your way to this place. You felt your way to it. It is what it is. Being calm is not not caring. It may feel unfamiliar, though.
Glad to see you back, by the way. It's always nice to see an old face. Textually pseudonymically speaking.
Lar
Posted by fairywings on May 17, 2006, at 10:01:20
In reply to Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom?, posted by crushedout on May 16, 2006, at 12:39:03
I'm sorry crushed. If you decide you want to reconcile, hopefully your mom will listen and hear how much you've been hurt. It's feels really crappy when we have those kinds of blowouts with people.
I'm glad you're back.
(((hugs)))
fw
Posted by crushedout on May 17, 2006, at 10:01:30
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom? » crushedout, posted by Larry Hoover on May 17, 2006, at 9:55:51
Thank you all! I am a plaintiff in a trial today so I really have to get ready. I want to respond to each of you individually later.xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
crushedout
p.s. i really missed you guys.
Posted by Daisym on May 19, 2006, at 0:40:02
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my, posted by crushedout on May 17, 2006, at 10:01:30
Mom stuff is really hard, see my post below.
But the truth told in anger is easier to get past than a lie told over and over again. It isn't easy, none of this is.
I miss you too. Nice to see you.
Posted by crushedout on May 24, 2006, at 13:10:45
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom? » crushedout, posted by LadyBug on May 16, 2006, at 17:29:40
Oy. Hi, LadyBug. Sorry it took me so long to write back--for some reason, it's soooo hard for me to post on Babble these days.Yes, our relationship has been troubled for many years. I've been seeing it all along, but things are constantly revealing themselves to me, and as new situations arise, new feelings come up, I guess.
I suppose you are right that sometimes it is ok not to care so much. Or healthy, anyway.
> I'm assuming your ralationship with your mom was troubled before you entered therapy? And you are now seeing all this? It's good to not care sometimes as long as it feels healthy to you.
> LadyBug
Posted by crushedout on May 24, 2006, at 13:13:42
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom? » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on May 17, 2006, at 7:44:04
Those are all comforting possibilities, thank you, falls. I think maybe the last one is true.
> (((Crushed)))
>
> Maybe those things needed to be said. Maybe she listened and will understand you better. Maybe she will be sorry. Maybe it will allow the two of you to become closer.
>
> Maybe telling the truth was healing for you.
Posted by crushedout on May 24, 2006, at 13:25:07
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom?, posted by gardenergirl on May 17, 2006, at 9:06:59
gg, it's good to see you too! thank you so much for the thoughtful post.> It may have been hurtful for your mother to hear, and maybe it's not the way you planned to tell her what you've learned, if you ever would. But it sounds like it was an authentic expression of your feelings at the moment. Did you feel any positive feelings about that in the midst of the turmoil?
You are right that it absolutely was authentic. I guess it did feel kind of satisfying to express my anger. I felt very righteous and indignant, and I always enjoy that (I'm not supposed to, though! those are very bad feelings for a person to have, i thought). I guess that is a positive way to look at it though.
> I don't know what your relationship with your mom is like, but I do think that you can get through this with her if you two can talk about it. It may not be easy, and it can be difficult to manage conflicting feelings of love and anger at a parent at the same time.I guess one of the problems for me is that I kind of don't believe I feel love for her. I know that is a terrible thing to say, but it's how I feel. I'm really not that interested in working things out with her. I was kind of doing it as a "favor" (or maybe so I wouldn't have to feel like such a bad daughter) and my feeling is that if she's going to blow it like that, her loss. Everyone thinks that just hurt and bitterness talking but that's not how it feels to me at all.
> But all you can do is keep going forward, imo.Them are wise words, my dear.
Posted by crushedout on May 24, 2006, at 13:40:19
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my mom? » crushedout, posted by Larry Hoover on May 17, 2006, at 9:55:51
I would like to hug you for that, Lar. You are very smart.
Posted by crushedout on May 24, 2006, at 13:43:15
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my » crushedout, posted by Daisym on May 19, 2006, at 0:40:02
> the truth told in anger is easier to get past than a lie told over and over again.i like that a lot. i'm not sure if i believe it but it sounds convincing.
>It isn't easy, none of this is.ain't that the truth!
> I miss you too. Nice to see you.thanks, daisy. same here.
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 24, 2006, at 17:11:11
In reply to Re: Is therapy destroying my relationship with my » Larry Hoover, posted by crushedout on May 24, 2006, at 13:40:19
>
> I would like to hug you for that, Lar.You just did, thanks.
Lar
This is the end of the thread.
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