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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on October 7, 2006, at 14:59:06
Through out my life as a child I didn't live up to my potential. But what is weird is that I knew I had potential but I couldn't show it or my mom would abuse me all the more for being "better" than her. I think my T is right, she is very jelous of me, even now.
So I hated open house at the school because that is where my sactionary was and to bring my mom into my "safe place" was terrifing for me. I was scared when the teachers would say nice things about me. Because in the car I would hear, well they don't really know how dumb you are, heck you still wet the bed. She even told my teacher that once, in front of me, I wanted to hide in hole. It was like she had to slam me to make herself feel better. When guys started to notice me and look at me, my mom said that was because I was acting like a slut. (far from that, believe me)
So even though I craved being loved and attention, I knew I would be beaten and berated as being really stupid if I according to my mom "show off". So I learned to do just enough to not get in trouble, but not do enough to bring attention to myself, becausue that would set my mom off.
So I would sit in class, and soak in everything, but I wouldn't study because I didn't want to do too well. A C was a good grade for me, because I didn't abused for "thinking I was better" than my mom.
So now I am in college, and you know what? My mom can kiss my *ss! Even though maybe I got an A- on my recent test, it wasn't a C, and I am going to do my best. Or I should say I am not afraid of showing I do know the material because as a child I had to "under perform".
But sometimes I still cringe when someone compliments me on an accomplishment. It is like I feel like that little girl, who was afraid of what was coming soon.
Geeze parents can really screw us up you know. Has anyone else experienced this growing up?
Posted by Adrift on October 7, 2006, at 20:03:38
In reply to Feeling okay to succeed, child abuse triggers, posted by happyflower on October 7, 2006, at 14:59:06
Happyflower you should feel ok to succeed and you should be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished.
>>Has anyone else experienced this growing up?
My mother used to, and continues to still, explain away my accomplishments, or compliments recieved. She rarely has anything nice to say to me, its more about giving me complexes and criticising. They have such power over us. It sounds like you are doing well at pushing your mothers words aside, I need to work on that. Its not easy to do that!
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 8, 2006, at 21:32:20
In reply to Re: Feeling okay to succeed, child abuse triggers, posted by Adrift on October 7, 2006, at 20:03:38
mine's different, happyflower. my mom loved having some reason to brag about me, but then my brother would beat me up later.
ugh.
and my dad only liked to acknowledge certain accomplishments, while belittling others.
no pleasing nobody, really.
oh, and if my mom was too proud of me, my dad would get mad at her and say that she was showing favoritism. (this would take place in a screaming match as our big happy family ate a nutritious meal together in harmony every night)
-Li
p.s. you asked. sorry i answered. ugh.
Posted by happyflower on October 28, 2006, at 1:33:50
In reply to Does anyone miss reading for the enjoyment of it?, posted by happyflower on October 7, 2006, at 12:09:33
Plus even the fact that I wanted to go to college, wasn't encouraged because they didn't want their daugher to be better than them according to them. So did they help pay for it? NO! That is the main reason I had to withdrawl because I didn't have the money plus trying to go to school full time and work time in a music program is basically impossible,because they also want you to practice at least 6 hours a day.
So watch out world, happyflower is on the loose and not afraid anymore to do something with my life. My mom can get my dust or my (sh*t) whichever you prefer. ;-)
This is the end of the thread.
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