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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inimitable on November 24, 2006, at 22:44:25
my situation is kind of like daisy, above, but i didn't wnat to take over her post with my story. i was kind of like this lats year around this time (lazy, down, empty, worthless, tired. etc.), but this year it's worse. i don't wnat to be around anyone really. i am finally divorced, but now my husband can't support me financially and the money is running low, but i am going to move back home in a month (am here in this town for college, which i'll have to quit for a bit since exhusband can't support me), so there's no job here i can take for a month. plus, i am pretty much failing three classes, so i am not showing up to those ones....my life is going down the drain. i just had a fight with my sister on the night before turkey day, AND on turkey day, and i left and came back here, missing turkey day with my dad and his side of family (which i wouldn't have had a very good time at anyways). the thing that's different about this year, is i have been thinking of suicide. a LOT. on the night of me and my sister's fight, i wanted to just lay outside, in the woods, and let myself stay there till i died. now, i am seeing a therapist (have been ever since this happened last year around this time) and he has been supportive, and i feel a connection with him that i've never felt before, but i will have to leave him once i am done with school here (he is a grad student through the school, that is the only way i am allowed to see him, since i am a student). so soon, i will have no one, and no place to live, and apartment here, that i'll still have to pay rent on, and no secure job.
all i really wnat to do, is not think about these things, let myself layaround doing nothing and not have to live any sort of life.
also, something else different: i have been having sex, thinking about sex, a lot lately. i never used to like it, but recently (within the past few months) i had sex with a guy and he actually made me orgasm, and only one other guy had done that for me before, and i actually ENJOYED sex with this guy. but then he stopped having sex with me. and i wanted it even more. and i am planning on having sex with a different guy this saturday (or maybe tonight). it's all protected sex, btu i wonder if all this stress in life is making me use sex as a distraction. and maybe it's not even a problem. i don't know.
sorry so long and full of typos.*inimitable
Posted by muffled on November 26, 2006, at 13:25:08
In reply to horrible, posted by inimitable on November 24, 2006, at 22:44:25
Inimitable, alot of people seem to be struggling.
Its hard lotsa times.
But my T would say to me that I have choices.
Life is full of choices, and ideally i will pick the more 'lifegiving'(better) choices as much as I can.
But its not always easy. Them stupid emotions keep messing me up.
Lets us know how it goes with everything. seems you got ALOT to think of.
And as far as sex, yes safe is good. And how does it make YOU feel afterwards?
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by inimitable on November 26, 2006, at 14:11:36
In reply to Re: horrible, posted by muffled on November 26, 2006, at 13:25:08
you know, i didn't even get to have sex this weekend like planned! i was doing something totally unlike me, and i got excited about having sex with a guy i barely know, because i recently found out that i like sex (if it's with a guy i find attractive), and i didn't even get to have sex. see, i told myself i would hold off on thinking about my problems until after i had tons of unbelievable sex on saturday night (me and this guy talked about it at length!!! and he FORGOT!!!didn't call or email me or anything). so i told myself that on sunday (today) i could think about it all, after i had a little fun on saturday night. but no, of course, like everything else in my life, that had to be scrwede up too.
thank you, by the way, muffled, for replying to my thread. although i was quite depressed to see that no one was responding to my thread, i did tell myself that a lot of people on here have problems of their own that they are dealing with, i was still very happy to see a response! :)
but yeah, i don't know. i haven't felt THIS horrible in all my life i think. i have never thought about suicide so much. or about being locked away in a mental facility, which i think i would enjoy right now. i worry i may be homeless by this time next month, and that scares me. i don't wnat to have t deal with anything, just wnat to stay in this apartment forever, and only allow one person in, my therapist (i am seeing him tomorrow and it's the only bright spot in my life, i can't believe how much i care about him, and i am going to miss him so much when i have to stop seeing him, in a few weeks). anyways i am making thsi too long. thank you for your kind words muffled :)*inimitable
Posted by inimitable on November 26, 2006, at 18:49:45
In reply to Re: horrible, posted by inimitable on November 26, 2006, at 14:11:36
i was just wondering, i just thought of asking this because it seemed weird to me. has anyone else, when they thought of killing themselves, ever thought of doing it by just laying out in a beautiful field and staying there, until you die? because that's been happening a lot when i think of killing myself, by doing it that way, although i know that there'd be a strong possibility that if i got hungry enough or something i could just walk off, so i would imagine i am thinking of this way of killing myself because i know i could change my mind, and also it's a passive way of dying i guess, forgetting about my probs. but also, because i feel more of a connection with mother earth than i do anyone else in this world i think.
anyways just wondering that.*inimitable
Posted by muffled on November 26, 2006, at 20:11:20
In reply to Re: horrible (trigger?), posted by inimitable on November 26, 2006, at 18:49:45
Its funny that you would say bout offing youself in a field. Cuz you closer to nature. I that way too. Always figgered I would just go 'walkabout' into the forest...and not come back.
But thank God i haven't done that.
The real bad sh*t passes eventually Inimitable.
You got a rough road ahead all right, but you can do it.
Its a tough time of year to be homeless.
Do you have a car? That makes it WAY easier if it comes to that.
Thats so hard bout your T. Do you think you could work on finding a new one, mebbe w/the help of your present T? There are T's that work sliding scale, so if you got no money it free even. But it sure would be good to be able to find a new T BEFORE you run out of time w/old T.
Have you asked him bout e-mail etc during the transition?
I think he would way rather you contact him, so he can send you in the right direction if you truly feel unsafe bout offing yourself. Mebbe he can help you pre-plan some strategies around this? What you would do, where you could go, if thingas started to get real bad.
Goto go,
But keep posting Inimitable.
Take care,
Muffled
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