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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on December 8, 2006, at 21:10:02
I was so happy for a few hours this evening. Just bubbly and bouncy and happy. Why is the sadness creeping back? It's the first time I've been the least bit happy I can remember in quite a while. I just wish it could last a little longer.
And I'm missing my T a lot. I wish I could live with him. It would just be such a wonderful home to live in, I'm sure of it. He's so gentle and caring and even when my feelings get hurt or I'm scared he doesn't yell at me and he doesn't tell me to stop crying when I cry. I just like him so much. I wish the happiness would last.
sunnydays
Posted by happykat on December 8, 2006, at 21:52:20
In reply to happy -- sad.... why so fast?, posted by sunnydays on December 8, 2006, at 21:10:02
hi sunnydays,
> I was so happy for a few hours this evening. Just bubbly and bouncy and happy. Why is the sadness creeping back?
>
I'm sorry that its creeping back. I've been going through alot of that lately too. When I do get a period of happiness and I notice its waning I try to do everything possible to keep myself from sliding. Whether its indulging in lemon loaf and a hot caramel apple cider from Starbucks, or taking a bubble bath, watching a movie, or exercising like a maniac. (Yoga and meditation are also very good.) Try finding something that you love to do that makes you happy deep down and indulge!I know it's hard. Especially the stuff surrounding T's. I'm going on a trip to see my family tomorrow and the first thing I made sure I packed was my T's business card, brochure with her picture on it, and small momento she gave me. I wish she had been my mom instead of the one I have to go see. :(
The only thing that keeps it realistic for me is knowing that there is no way my T could be that perfect all the time. Even she admits that her relationships with her kids are not perfect.
> And I'm missing my T a lot. I wish I could live with him.<<
But what if the reality is that he leaves the cap off the toothpaste, throws his clothes on the floor, snores, is grouchy in the morning, etc..
I think its so easy to put our T's up on a pedestal because we only see them at their best. We get their full undivided attention. Their families probably rarely get that.
What takes the sting out of not having my T for a mother is the notion that I would like her a lot less as a mother because I wouldn't get the attention that I get when she's my T.
I hope you are feeling better! :) Try to hang on and keep the happy feelings with you as long as you can! I know its really hard.
Feel Better (((sunnydays)))
happykat :)
Posted by sunnydays on December 8, 2006, at 22:16:08
In reply to Re: happy -- sad.... why so fast? » sunnydays, posted by happykat on December 8, 2006, at 21:52:20
> hi sunnydays,
>
> > I was so happy for a few hours this evening. Just bubbly and bouncy and happy. Why is the sadness creeping back?
> >
> I'm sorry that its creeping back. I've been going through alot of that lately too. When I do get a period of happiness and I notice its waning I try to do everything possible to keep myself from sliding. Whether its indulging in lemon loaf and a hot caramel apple cider from Starbucks, or taking a bubble bath, watching a movie, or exercising like a maniac. (Yoga and meditation are also very good.) Try finding something that you love to do that makes you happy deep down and indulge!**** Yeah. The problem is I have no car and things I would love to do kind of require one. But I tried to make hot chocolate and indulge a little if I could.
>
> I know it's hard. Especially the stuff surrounding T's. I'm going on a trip to see my family tomorrow and the first thing I made sure I packed was my T's business card, brochure with her picture on it, and small momento she gave me. I wish she had been my mom instead of the one I have to go see. :(**** Yeah, I wish my T was my father so much.
>
> The only thing that keeps it realistic for me is knowing that there is no way my T could be that perfect all the time. Even she admits that her relationships with her kids are not perfect.**** I know he's not perfect, but just a few little things he's said are so different from the way my parents are that I know it would be so much better than my parents were, even if not perfect. I know he wouldn't hit me, and I know the rules would be fairly consistent and I would be in a safe, fairly predictable environment.
>
> > And I'm missing my T a lot. I wish I could live with him.<<
>
> But what if the reality is that he leaves the cap off the toothpaste, throws his clothes on the floor, snores, is grouchy in the morning, etc..***** See, that's the thing. Because I know it will never happen in reality I can make it perfect in my head. But really, in a lot of ways I wouldn't care. Still sounds better than my family.
>
> I think its so easy to put our T's up on a pedestal because we only see them at their best. We get their full undivided attention. Their families probably rarely get that.
>**** I'm sure that's true. I know I put him on a pedestal, although he's made a few mistakes around me and I know he can be a little forgetful/disorganized, but I still don't care in a lot of ways. It's those moments of gentleness and caring I crave so much and I could take a lot of mistakes along with that.
> What takes the sting out of not having my T for a mother is the notion that I would like her a lot less as a mother because I wouldn't get the attention that I get when she's my T.
>**** Oh, I wouldn't get 100% attention, but I'd get a lot, and not for the wrong reasons.
> I hope you are feeling better! :) Try to hang on and keep the happy feelings with you as long as you can! I know its really hard.
>
> Feel Better (((sunnydays)))
>
> happykat :)
>***** Thanks happykat. I don't mean to be contrary. Just kind of trying to hang on to my little fantasies. Sometimes they help me feel better and sometimes not. Thank you so much for your post. I never feel like I'm going to get replies or that I deserve them. Thank you.
sunnydays
Posted by happykat on December 8, 2006, at 22:32:02
In reply to Re: happy -- sad (maybe abuse trigger?) » happykat, posted by sunnydays on December 8, 2006, at 22:16:08
sunnydays,
What do you mean you don't deserve replies. Of course you do. I'm sorry you're feeling sad. :(
I talk the talk but I actually prefer the fantasy of having my T as my mom too. And as much as I hate to admit it I spend alot of time envisioning what my life would have been like if I'd had her as a mom.
It kinda sucks having bad parents! :( Sorry about the hitting part. That REALLY sucks! :(
I know that doing all the things to try to force yourself to stay happy don't always work, but
I hope the hot chocolate is making you feel better! :)Have you been seeing your T for awhile?
Feel Better,
HK :)
Posted by sunnydays on December 9, 2006, at 10:18:02
In reply to Re: happy -- sad (maybe abuse trigger?) » sunnydays, posted by happykat on December 8, 2006, at 22:32:02
Thanks for the replies. Yeah, I've been seeing my T for almost two years now. Unfortunately I have to end in about a year and a half because I graduate, so I'm really sad and scared about that. But I don't want to bring that up with him yet because I don't want to dwell on it.
sunnydays
Posted by Happyflower on December 10, 2006, at 6:32:02
In reply to happy -- sad.... why so fast?, posted by sunnydays on December 8, 2006, at 21:10:02
Hi Sunny,
Do you think the holidays have something to do with what you are feeling? It seems to be affecting me this year. It is like all of sudden I get into such a happy mood, and then It think about reality, and I come crashing back.
I am really needing my T right now, and he is allowing me to do that, and I don't feel bad about it anymore like I used to do, I am just allowing it to be okay to lean on him and to need him especially now.
I think it is okay to need your T sunny, but it is hard to want to count on that because someday it will go away. So for me it was and still is hard for me to invest so much of myself into the the T relationship, I am like isn't this such a waste of time? But now I see that I need this relationship to help heal myself and having this "good corrective" relationship is allowing me to see what a good relationship involves. It has given me courage to find that outside or therapy. Plus it has shown me that I NEED to have this closeness with others, and I WANT it now, and that it is IMPORTANT, just like I feel about my T .
I was at the gym the other day and counted the people I knew and have talked to and that day there were 10 people not including the insturctors. Well before therapy I didn't know anyone since I was so issolated. I still have to trust to take some of these relationship to another level, but I will eventually.But what I am getting at (sorry I am on steroids and just so chatty lately) is that needed your T is a good sign. But it is bittersweet though in a way. But it is helpful. Can you call and listen to his voice or anything? I called my T once just to tell him I missed him on his voice machine, I didn't want him to call me back, but it felt good to get it off my mind a little. But one time when we were trying to space out my appointments to once a month, I called him after 2 weeks just to check in because I just missed him. He was so wonderful on the phone that day, and I will never forget it. I could hear his smile in his voice and I feel he knew what I was feeling because he was so gentle and caring.
So I say need your T all you need, it is okay. It is okay to reach out to them if you miss them, they might not always call back, but it will make you feel better just allowing yourself to feel okay to do this. Because in real life, realfriends like you to reach out and allow them to help you, and vice versa.
(((((((sunnydays)))))))) A hug for you because you reached out to us.
Posted by sunnydays on December 11, 2006, at 16:02:41
In reply to Re: happy -- sad.... why so fast? » sunnydays, posted by Happyflower on December 10, 2006, at 6:32:02
Hi Happyflower -
No, I don't think it's the holidays. I think it's got a lot to do with what's going on in therapy. But I've been doing well the past few days. Not as sad. Exceedingly anxious, but that may be because exams loom. I was even happy for a little while again! Thanks for the response, it's so quiet on this board with all the chaos on admin.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2006, at 23:23:17
In reply to Re: happy -- sad.... why so fast?, posted by sunnydays on December 11, 2006, at 16:02:41
Yeah, chaos.
But I glad you feeling a little better :)
Take care,
Muffled
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