![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 15:51:15
T said today that when I came in a week ago and told her that I had talked to my parents that she just about fell out of her chair!
haha!!
unfortunately, the stock market of my emotional stability is undergoing a "correction" a "restructuring" of sorts.
She told me that I have different aspects of my Self, and that one of the hardest things is for me to be able to "come out" to myself.
So here goes:
There's the perfect. The one that is agreeable, and gets good grades, and knows how to cook haute cuisine for company, and plays violin recitals in ballgowns.
There's the angry. The one that is so outraged and upset and angry that she wants to destroy everything in her wake
There's the weak. The one that is vulnerable and small and needs to be nurtured and nourished.
There's the hater. The one who hates herself and loathes herself and wants to destroy herself.
****
I would like to add:
The thirsty. The one that enjoys drinking water, tea and other liquids
The goofy. The one that enjoys laughing at her own foibles, and even better- her own humor
The stoopid. The one that huh?****
she said "integration" ugh. yuckiepoops.
I was kind of out of it today. let her do the talking.
lurpsying about to the tune of a jig
-Ll
Posted by muffled on December 12, 2006, at 16:19:05
In reply to stuck out on a limb? where's the fireman? meow :(, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 15:51:15
Ha, ha!!! Lurpy, you got 'people!!!'
Ain't it great!!!!
Sure helps to figger stuff.LOL!!
I dunno bout you but the i-word is a dirty word to my folk.
Very , very nasty.
Ohhhh, love your T!
Actually, some peoples people are more split than others. So don't sweat it.
Its kinda a trip really.
I dying to hear more!
Take care Lurpy etc
Muffled
Posted by Poet on December 12, 2006, at 17:08:15
In reply to stuck out on a limb? where's the fireman? meow :(, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 15:51:15
Hi Lurpsie,
I don't like the term *integration* either. I'm not terribly sure I like *come out to myself* much better. Then again I deny so many things my therapist says I am/have/do that the only self she sees is my depressed and angry self.
How about if we change integration to blend. Like blend together ingredients or a drink in blend?
I'm not afraid to climb ladders, hang on I'll be there with the extension ladder as soon as I can figure out how to strap it to the roof of my car.
Poet
Posted by Phillipa on December 12, 2006, at 21:22:06
In reply to Re: stuck out on a limb? where's the fireman? meow :( » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by Poet on December 12, 2006, at 17:08:15
I think we all have different aspects of ourselves and we act according to the role we are in. As there is a work Lurpsie, a child lurpsie, a mad lurpsie, a smart lurpsie. What I saying is we are all like this . We have different parts of ourselves that we show at different times. As well as different emotions. Love Phillipa
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 22:17:28
In reply to Re: stuck out on a limb? where's the fireman? meow :(, posted by muffled on December 12, 2006, at 16:19:05
> Ha, ha!!! Lurpy, you got 'people!!!'
> Ain't it great!!!!I'm in strong denial and strong acceptance. yes. no.
> Sure helps to figger stuff.LOL!!No way, that's impossible. You're absolutely right.
> I dunno bout you but the i-word is a dirty word to my folk.
I just want to be the conductor of this little trio. but I know that trios don't get a conductor. the players have to argue out the tempos and the articulations amongst themselves. And one of them keeps bashing her violin and then running off and charging a new, nicer one on daddy's credit card.
> Very , very nasty.
> Ohhhh, love your T!
> Actually, some peoples people are more split than others. So don't sweat it.
> Its kinda a trip really.
> I dying to hear more!
> Take care Lurpy etc
> Muffledi hope your cave is big enough...
grrr.
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 22:30:37
In reply to Re: stuck out on a limb? where's the fireman? meow :( » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by Poet on December 12, 2006, at 17:08:15
> Hi Lurpsie,
>
> I don't like the term *integration* either. I'm not terribly sure I like *come out to myself* much better. Then again I deny so many things my therapist says I am/have/do that the only self she sees is my depressed and angry self.I guess we here on pbabble are lucky to see so many of the nicer sides to poet :)
>
> How about if we change integration to blend. Like blend together ingredients or a drink in blend?okay, but some drinks are yummy and some are just plain ick! If I could be a blended drink, I would be a virgin pina colada
-pineapple is tart and sweet but contains destructive enzymes
-coconut is creamy but contains saturated fats
-ice is refreshing, but is also brittle and cold
-virgin is because we don't want to go crazy!and hopefully the resulting concoction (in reasonable amounts) will improve the quality of the pinapple,coconut, and ice's life?)
> I'm not afraid to climb ladders, hang on I'll be there with the extension ladder as soon as I can figure out how to strap it to the roof of my car.
>
> Poet
>
>duct tape.
*grin*
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 22:33:36
In reply to Re: stuck out on a limb? where's the fireman? meow :(, posted by Phillipa on December 12, 2006, at 21:22:06
> I think we all have different aspects of ourselves and we act according to the role we are in. As there is a work Lurpsie, a child lurpsie, a mad lurpsie, a smart lurpsie. What I saying is we are all like this . We have different parts of ourselves that we show at different times. As well as different emotions. Love Phillipa
so true Phillipa, so true. I have gotten really good at denying these facets of ME. I need to be reminded sometimes. wish the reminders weren't so painful.
-Ll
Posted by sunnydays on December 13, 2006, at 7:35:51
In reply to stuck out on a limb? where's the fireman? meow :(, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 15:51:15
Okay, I find this book most of the way kind of boring, but it talks about towards the end a different way of viewing aspects of yourself that might seem easier. It's not they're totally separate people, Li, it's just a different way of conceptualizing things. I talk about the sad part of me, the anxious part of me, etc., but they all still feel completely like me. Just they're more intense, so that's a clue they've been split off. Anyway, the book is "Healing the Shame that Binds You" by John Bradshaw. If you could find it at a library and just read the last section, it might help. Although, if you find it interesting, you may want to read the first section too.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on December 14, 2006, at 18:10:20
In reply to stuck out on a limb? where's the fireman? meow :(, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 15:51:15
> So here goes:
>
> There's the perfect. The one that is agreeable, and gets good grades, and knows how to cook haute cuisine for company, and plays violin recitals in ballgowns.
>
> There's the angry. The one that is so outraged and upset and angry that she wants to destroy everything in her wake
>
> There's the weak. The one that is vulnerable and small and needs to be nurtured and nourished.
>
> There's the hater. The one who hates herself and loathes herself and wants to destroy herself.
>
> she said "integration" ugh. yuckiepoops.
>
**Tell her NOT to say the I-word if it upsets you.
I had a question re: the hater.
Why a hater? I have part of myself that wants to destroy me. One way or another. But the motivations for this hater seem mixed. In its purest form, it just loathes me, thinks I gross and should be destroyed for that reason. But I don't know why?
Do you know why with yours?
Your awfully good at figuring stuff out it would seem.
Far better than I. Exponenetrially better than I.
If it weren't for the munchies, I'd take that seroquel.
Muffled
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 14, 2006, at 18:56:04
In reply to Why? ** 'hater' trigger** » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by muffled on December 14, 2006, at 18:10:20
> > So here goes:
> >
> > There's the perfect. The one that is agreeable, and gets good grades, and knows how to cook haute cuisine for company, and plays violin recitals in ballgowns.
> >
> > There's the angry. The one that is so outraged and upset and angry that she wants to destroy everything in her wake
> >
> > There's the weak. The one that is vulnerable and small and needs to be nurtured and nourished.
> >
> > There's the hater. The one who hates herself and loathes herself and wants to destroy herself.
> >
> > she said "integration" ugh. yuckiepoops.
> >
> **Tell her NOT to say the I-word if it upsets you.
> I had a question re: the hater.
> Why a hater? I have part of myself that wants to destroy me. One way or another. But the motivations for this hater seem mixed. In its purest form, it just loathes me, thinks I gross and should be destroyed for that reason. But I don't know why?
> Do you know why with yours?
> Your awfully good at figuring stuff out it would seem.
> Far better than I. Exponenetrially better than I.
OMG. you are SO wrong muffled. You know a lot about a lot. You're just not getting that sense of "Ah HAH!". The truth is that your gut is very very savvy.I will also have to tell you that I learned a lot about ME from people like YOU. so take that!
> If it weren't for the munchies, I'd take that seroquel.
> MuffledOkay. today I started off the session calling her bluff on the "integration" word. She saw my skepticism and said, how about if we think of it like a bringing-together, or a gathering? I said, I'm not really sure about it. I'm not sure if it's chamber music, or an orchestra with a conductor. I don't know if it's helpful to think about these aspects as separate identities, separate persons? like students in a classroom all facing the chalkboard and seeing the same thing, but different thoughts going on in their little heads. She said we'll think about this, but for now, just keep in mind that different parts of you react to situations in certain characteristic ways ... (I was kind of zoning out... sorry.)
Okay. here's one possible (and very artsy fartsy psycho-babbly) take on the HATER.
My mom is a very very sweet caring loving mom. When she remembers. She forgets though. She forgets that I exist and that I'm dependent on her (as a child). So when she gives me the love and the promises, I feel her love and I really really want to believe her promises. The HATER hears her love and becomes cynical, malicious. The HATER whispers in these moments of tenderness "but remember the time that she...?" Then weeks go by, and the sweet tender mom is a fragile memory. The stressed angry mom is ever present, and my gift to her is to calm her down and get her out of danger. Meanwhile, the HATER reminds me of her earlier promise. The promise of love and care. The moment when I believed her with hope in my heart. The HATER tells me that I don't deserve that love. That she's forgotten about me. That I'm THAT insignificant.
To remind Mom of her promise to love me and take care of me is to cause that sad look in Mom's eyes, when she realizes that she failed. I would rather do ANYTHING than make my mom feel that way. I would rather die.
The HATER tells me that dying is an acceptable solution to an unacceptable situation. The HATER asks for the death penalty, because I wasn't good enough for mom to remember her promises- even basic promises like food and shelter.
MEanwhile, the PERFECT reminds me that I have promises to keep, places to go. That I cannot disappoint my 2nd grade teacher, or my therapist, or my friends, or indeed, even my mother. Unbearable guilt and shame.
An awkward compromise is worked out between the PERFECT and the HATER. Punishment is limited to psychological assaults on my self-esteem, self-induced ostracism, and hurting my skin, inside and out. And life goes on...
I'm pretty satisfied with that interpretation. Now I need to figure out how to get out of this cycle. Tough, huh?
Posted by Daisym on December 14, 2006, at 20:08:35
In reply to Re: Why? ** 'hater' trigger** » muffled, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 14, 2006, at 18:56:04
I have so much to say that I haven't said since you called your parents. I'm glad your therapist almost fell out of her chair. My mouth dropped open. But my thoughts are kind of harsh -- they might feel like criticism so I want to ask my thoughts as questions. Gently.
But if you really aren't in a good place, I can be quiet. We can talk another time about telling, and parts and pieces, and being perfect. I'm around, sort of floating out here.
Let me know.
Daisy
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 14, 2006, at 20:40:52
In reply to Re: Why? ** 'hater' trigger** » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by Daisym on December 14, 2006, at 20:08:35
> I have so much to say that I haven't said since you called your parents. I'm glad your therapist almost fell out of her chair. My mouth dropped open. But my thoughts are kind of harsh -- they might feel like criticism so I want to ask my thoughts as questions. Gently.
>
> But if you really aren't in a good place, I can be quiet. We can talk another time about telling, and parts and pieces, and being perfect. I'm around, sort of floating out here.
>
> Let me know.
> Daisythanks for your sensitivity.
I'm on therapy break for the next few weeks, so probably not a great time for me to think about things right now. Also, I see my parents in 48 hours. solo.
later, okay?
thanks,
-Ll
Posted by Daisym on December 14, 2006, at 21:56:47
In reply to questions » Daisym, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 14, 2006, at 20:40:52
Glad I asked.
Good luck with your visit. Remember that visiting is temporary and problems don't or shouldn't all be solved in one sitting. Be clear about your limitations, perhaps saying, "I'd like to give this a break for awhile, can we do that?" and see what happens.
I'll be thinking about you.
Daisy
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.