![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 4 to 28 of 28. Go back in thread:
Posted by madeline on December 20, 2006, at 5:54:20
In reply to 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by happykat on December 19, 2006, at 23:32:58
Are they both psychiatrists? That would be a big no no as one could double up on meds.
If not, I say go for it, but don't keep it a secret. There should be no demands for exclusivity. After all, this is YOUR therapy and YOUR recovery.
You have the right to decide what you think is best for you.
I would also be very honest with yourself and make sure that you aren't running from something, or trying to water down therapy. However, if you think both bring something to the table, then do it.
Maddie
Posted by vwoolf on December 20, 2006, at 8:07:34
In reply to 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by happykat on December 19, 2006, at 23:32:58
When I first started therapy, I decided that I was going to do therapy with a woman because I had been sexually abused as a child and I knew I would have a lot of sexual issues to deal with. I found a woman who was highly rated and started. I did not like her very much, but I put that down to transference and decided I would have to work through it. She subsequently referred me to a pdoc who is also a psychoanalyst. After one session with him I felt incredibly attached. I felt sure he could save me.
I spoke to my t about it, and told her I would like to do therapy with both of them. She refused. She said I would have to choose. She said it would not really matter who I chose, that I would work through the same stuff, but that I could not split this way.
To work through transference, you have to face up to all the good and bad stuff that you project onto others, which is based on your early childhood relationships. By working with two t's, you would never be able to integrate the split off parts of yourself, which is the aim of therapy - or at least it's the aim of my therapy. To become fully integrated, to accept myself in all my aspects.
I opted to work with her, simply because the other option seemed too wonderful to trust. I know I would have tried to seduce the pdoc, and he might have succumbed - it has happened to me before. It was very, very, very hard to not see him again. It took me a few years to get over my yearning.
Now, four years down the line I see what she meant. I am working through my
abusive parts in the transference, and it is hard to have to face these things in myself. If I had half a chance, I know I would still be avoiding it. Which I would do if I had someone else I could go to.I think that therapy is a subtle, hard art, and I think we should trust our therapists if they tell us clearly that something is not in our best interests. I think you should talk it through with both of them and take the advice they give you. Apart from a few rotten exceptions, they do know what they are doing most of the time. Trust them.
Posted by wishingstar on December 20, 2006, at 8:39:23
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by vwoolf on December 20, 2006, at 8:07:34
There have been brief times where I have been seeing two therapists at once, but it was never planned as an ongoing solution. Both knew about each other. At one point, I saw 2 seperate therapists for 4-6 weeks or so before one dropped me. I had been seeing the first in another town while I was away for 2 months, and didnt ler her go when I came back home (it was only a 2 hour drive). The other T dropping me was unrelated to seeing the other, but I knew things were bad in that relationship and I think that is why I held onto the first T after I moved back. The T here never said I needed to get rid of the other T, but I found out later (from my new T, after they spoke) that she was very unhappy about it.
I continued seeing the T from the other city while I tried out new Ts in my home town. I saw my new T (Ginny) for about a month before I let go of the T from home.. more because I had to that I wanted to though.
For me, the T in the other city helped bridge a lot of gaps I guess. So maybe you wouldnt even call it seeing 2 at once. But many times I did feel like I was doing "regular old therapy" with 2 people in one week.
For me, I think they did get in the way of each other a little bit, especially in the first relationship. I had a lot of problems in the relationship with the T who dropped me (Anne) and I think I tried to pit the other T against her, get her on "my side", more than once. She wouldnt play that game, but even by trying to be supportive, she was inadvertently getting involved and affecting my relationship there. I think it's very easy for that to happen.. you're bound to "like one better" or have an issue with one that really needs to be dealt with with that person, and no one else should really be involved. I also expereinced occasionally the feeling of "well she does it this way/suggests this/says this is ok" when "you" dont. Not helpful for me.
It wasnt a terrible experience all in all. In fact, at the time, I liked it. But I'm not sure I'd do it again. However, I suppose it could be helpful if you're careful to do it the right way, discuss expectations and possible issues with both Ts in the beginning, etc. I absolutely wouldnt do it if youre planning on not telling them. That's just too big of a secret to keep from someone you tell everything to in my opinion.
I know I'm rambling, but those are my thoughts. Either way, good luck. :)
Posted by Dinah on December 20, 2006, at 13:47:37
In reply to 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by happykat on December 19, 2006, at 23:32:58
I don't think I'd keep a secret like that from my therapist. It wouldn't seem right in the relationship we have.
I've had several short term adjunct therapists during the time I've seen him, with his encouragement.
And over the years, I'd kind of bugged him about having two therapists, or at least a backup therapist I'm comfortable with. Because he does go on long business trips sometimes, and I don't think that's really fair to me.
But when he moved to another city, then left the country for effectively six weeks, I told him that was it. I was going to find a therapist for while he was gone, and not necessarily get rid of said therapist when he returned to the city three hours away, even if we also tried to work something out between us. He very reluctantly agreed.
In the end, by the time he came back, we used the fact that this therapist was a sex therapist as well as a regular therapist to justify the fact that I had two therapists at once. But in reality it was more than adjunct therapy.
It frankly was a problem. They were two different people with two different views of what it meant to be healthy, and how I best ought to go about achieving it. She was telling me things in direct contradiction to the things he told me, and while my first loyalty always lay with him, it was confusing to me, and it caused me to doubt myself, doubt my therapy, and get very angry with both of them at one point or another.
I quit seeing her when I discovered that my therapist planned to move back, and I think that was for the best.
In my experience, it just didn't work. It might be different if the two therapists had similar styles and viewpoints, and if they worked together to present a less chaotic whole.
That being said, I still wish I had a backup therapist that I felt comfortable with. My therapist still goes out of town as often as he can. And he admits to always being on the lookout for a real job. Sigh.
Is there any particular reason you're wanting to do this at this point?
Posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 16:58:46
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time » happykat, posted by Lonely on December 20, 2006, at 1:56:48
Hi Lonely,
Thanks for your post.
>>I think it's a good idea albeit expensive.<<
**Definitely. That part sucks. :(>> I agree that what I got from one therapist helped me to deal better with the other one.<<
**That's kind of how I'm looking at it too. My reg. T is more humanistic/bodywork oriented and the new one is more psychoanalytic.
>>It is strongly frowned upon.
** That's my impression too from what I've read. I've got an appt with my regular T in 2 wks and i'm afraid she's going to be mighty upset when i tell her I'm seeing someone in addition.
Regards,
happykat
Posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 17:34:58
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by annierose on December 20, 2006, at 3:39:17
Hi annierose,
Thanks for your post.
>>A golden rule of therapy is not keeping secrets.<<
** I know. I'm unfortunately learning this the hard way. This should have seeped into every molecule of my being by now, but hasn't. Keeping secrets is so ingrained in me, that when I do divulge I immediately feel extreme guilt and remorse. :( But I'm getting better at it!
>>It typically dilutes your therapy if you see two therapists at the same time unless they (the therapists) are working together as a team (such as art therapy, sex therapy, etc).<<**My regular T does bodywork with talk therapy and the new one does regular psychoanalysis. So there is a little difference, in that one is bodywork oriented.
Regards,
happykat
Posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 17:54:20
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time » happykat, posted by madeline on December 20, 2006, at 5:54:20
Hi Maddie,
Thanks for your post.
>>Are they both psychiatrists?<<
**No. Just psychotherapists. No doctor shopping involved.
>>If not, I say go for it, but don't keep it a secret.<<
** I saw my new T for the 2nd time this afternoon and fessed up about my regular T. The new T was totally understanding and said o.k. if I want to do talk therapy with her and let the other T just do bodywork.
>>I would also be very honest with yourself and make sure that you aren't running from something.<<
**Mmmmmm. That's a very distinct possibility. I found myself obsessing over my transference with my regular T during today's session. And actually spent most of the session talking about it.
Regards,
happykat
Posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 19:38:58
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by vwoolf on December 20, 2006, at 8:07:34
Hi vwoolf,
Thanks for your post. I've actually been meaning to post to you about the publishing conference you went to. (You mentioned it in a post last month.) Are you by any chance published? I've been approached several times about having my therapy experience written up and I'm looking for others who have done the same.
I am really interested in what you wrote about integration and transference. I'm working through similar issues. I found the following very helpful:
>>>To work through transference, you have to face up to all the good and bad stuff that you project onto others, which is based on your early childhood relationships. By working with two t's, you would never be able to integrate the split off parts of yourself, which is the aim of therapy - or at least it's the aim of my therapy. To become fully integrated, to accept myself in all my aspects.<<<
I saw the new T for the 2nd time this afternoon and talked with her about my regular T and my transference issues. Surprisingly, she said she doesn't mind if I keep seeing my reg. T for bodywork as long as I see her for talk therapy. (My regular T is a bodyworker and a psychotherapist.) She said I could keep track of my transference reactions and then discuss them with her. I'm not sure how that will really work out. I plan to tell my regular T on next visit.
Regards,
happykat
Posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 19:51:57
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by wishingstar on December 20, 2006, at 8:39:23
Hi wishingstar,
Thanks for your post.
>>you're bound to "like one better" or have an issue with one that really needs to be dealt with with that person, and no one else should really be involved.<<<***I can definitely see this happening. I'm already considering the fact that I may be running and not dealing with the appropriate party.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like you've been through alot lately. I hope your new T is good.
Regards,
happykat
Posted by wishingstar on December 20, 2006, at 20:59:21
In reply to 2 Therapists At Same Time » wishingstar, posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 19:51:57
Yes.. running and not dealing with the appropriate party is exactly what I meant, I just didnt really have the words for it. That is exactly what I did and in a way, I think having two therapists almosts sets you up to, because if you didnt mention a major source of your feelings one week (assuming it was related to the other T) that wouldnt be productive, but at the same time, mentioning it could be counterproductive... blah. I think I'm talking to you and understanding for myself in the same post. Hope thats okay. :)
Good luck with whatever happens.
Posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 21:55:17
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time » happykat, posted by Dinah on December 20, 2006, at 13:47:37
Dinah,
Thanks for your post. That would drive me up a wall if my therapist was constantly going out of town.
Also, I never stopped to consider how disconcerting it might be if both therapists have differing viewpoints and thoughts about how I should approach my problems.
>>>Is there any particular reason you're wanting to do this at this point?
Between overidealizing my regular therapist and the infantile fantasy of wanting her to be my mother I find myself feeling empty. Of wanting more from her in the way of analysis, guidance, feedback. I feel like there is something missing. And maybe that is just part of the transference. I've always felt that something is missing in my relationship with my mother.
Ever since the transference surfaced I've been consumed with how psychotherapy works. I often wonder if I'd be better off with a traditional psychoanalyst, yet I'm torn because of my attachment to my regular therapist. I can't imagine therapy without her. I feel like a five year old going through separation anxiety whenever I can't see her for an extended period of time. I have been astounded and humbled by this experience.
I went to see the new therapist for the 2nd time this afternoon and told her about my regular therapist and she engaged me in a lively discussion about transference. She suggested I keep seeing the regular t for bodywork sessions only and just keep a mental note of the transference that comes up and discuss it with her.(the new t) She said working through the transference will afford me the opportunity to heal my past relationship with my mom.
Maybe I'm just seeking the impossible. A therapist who has all the answers.
Regards,
happykat
Posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 22:02:38
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time » happykat, posted by wishingstar on December 20, 2006, at 20:59:21
Hey wishingstar,
>>I think I'm talking to you and understanding for myself in the same post. Hope thats okay.<<
That's so funny. I just spent 4 hours writing and rewriting and figuring myself out as I was trying to answer the final post from Dinah. All the stuff from all the posts above just kind of hit me and everything I'm doing started making sense. I think I actually made more progress today from answering all the posts than I did in therapy. : ) LOL!
Regards,
happykat
Posted by wishingstar on December 21, 2006, at 7:09:47
In reply to 2 Therapists At Same Time » wishingstar, posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 22:02:38
Haha glad you understand! I've felt that way sometimes before too... that some insight or help I get here is more helpful than I got from my T in some weeks! I guess it's a good balance. I'm glad things are starting to come together for you.
Posted by sunnydays on December 21, 2006, at 8:48:32
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time » Dinah, posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 21:55:17
I really would advise staying with the T you already have a relationship with. I don't think it would be possible at this point for her to 'only' do bodywork given the relationship you have. Bring up the transference with her - working through it with her, not another therapist, is going to be most beneficial for you, even though it might be harder. I truly believe that.
sunnydays
Posted by happykat on December 21, 2006, at 16:20:05
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by sunnydays on December 21, 2006, at 8:48:32
Thanks sunnydays!
>>>I don't think it would be possible at this point for her to 'only' do bodywork given the
relationship you have<<<** You're right. I spent all day reflecting on the progress I've made with her. All the ups and downs. (I have this highlight reel in my head of all my best and worst therapy moments that I tend to play over and over)
She knows far too much about me and I care far too much about her for our relationship to ever be anything less than therapist/client. You're right. I don't think I could see her as just a 'bodyworker' and NOT talk about what is going on in my life.
I did talk to her about the transference during my last session and I think it went well. She said sometimes therapist have counter transference reactions too. She even brought up the fact that its not uncommon to have crushes or strong romantic feelings for a therapist although I assured her that I'm quite certain my feelings are maternal. (I feel like a five year old every time I lay on the table.)
So yes, maybe I should try to work it out with her. Yet I want more guidance and feedback from her which she refuses to do sometimes. And thats frustrating.
Thanks for your input. : )
Regard,
happykat
Posted by vwoolf on December 22, 2006, at 9:18:29
In reply to 2 Therapists At Same Time » vwoolf, posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 19:38:58
Hi happykat
The conference was not a publishing conference, to be honest, although I have been to several of those too. I live in a developing country which was under a very reactionary racist regime until about ten years ago. A process was started after the change in government to give a public voice to anyone, on either side of the political spectrum, who had suffered torture or pain under the previous dispensation. Perpetrators were also invited to the hearings, where they were allowed to apply for amnesty for crimes they had committed. It was known as the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and the idea was to promote national healing. The conference I went to was a follow up after ten years.
Some of the victims were unhappy at the way their stories had been used for the benefit of a larger, public good, while they personally had found no catharsis or healing or financial benefit from the process. There were many sessions about ownership - who owns the story, and who should be allowed to benefit from it. They felt betrayed and helpless.
When you mentioned in your post that your therapist wanted to use your story, these victims came to mind. I know there may be a big difference, but the fundamental issue remains the same - your life, your personal history, what has shaped and made you what you are, being taken by another person for their purposes not yours.
The great care in therapy is always that the therapist's needs should be kept outside the room. Therapy is all about you. This is one of the reasons that therapists may not have sexual relationships with their clients, because then their needs would be brought into the room.
Publishing your story would satisfy your therapist's needs. I think you need to explore carefully what it might satisfy for you. I don't doubt that there might be some pleasure in knowing that you are so important, or have had such a bad experience, or such a remarkable healing, or whatever, that many psychologists would want to read about your case. But you are more than a case, and you should not have to be anything particular for your therapist to provide you with unconditional caring. I believe it would skew the whole relationship.
But then, I have strong views about these things. I hope I have not been offensive by insisting that you look after your own rights. You do, of course, have the right to allow your story to be published.
However what I am saying is something that is fiercely debated amongst therapists. There are many articles and papers on the topic - browse online and I'm sure you'll come up with a few.
Have I published my story? Yes, but I wrote it. And even so it was very hard, and I had to distance myself, so that the story doesn't really feel like me any more. I did it under a pseudonym which gave me some protection, but still there is a sense of exposure that is unbelievable.
Sorry this has been so long. I think I've told you a lot more than you were asking for. Possibly I'm trying to work things out for myself still.
Posted by vwoolf on December 22, 2006, at 10:07:02
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by vwoolf on December 22, 2006, at 9:18:29
I was too dogmatic in my last message. Whatever you choose is fine as long as you are very clear what you hope and expect to get from allowing your t to use your material. It is obvious what she will gain, perhaps not so clear what the advantages and disadvantages will be for you. I think you should spend a lot of time discussing this before taking any decision.
Posted by happykat on December 23, 2006, at 15:39:49
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by vwoolf on December 22, 2006, at 9:18:29
Vwoolf,
I truly appreciate your response. I follow international news closely and truly appreciate the gravity of the issues dealt with at the conference you attended.
I also found what you wrote about therapists keeping their needs out of the therapy setting interesting.
Initially I was angry that my therapist brought up the subject of audiotaping me for the purpose of a book. It had a direct impact on my therapy for at least several sessions. I just talked about superficial stuff or didn't talk at all. She eventually discussed it more indepth and clarified what aspects she was interested in. She also went to great lengths to reassure me that she would never tape me without my permission or use any of my story without my written consent.
I am conflicted about how I feel regarding this. On one hand, I look up to her as a maternal figure, and I'm eager to please her. And yes, it is nice to feel special. Like I'm more than just another number to her. But on the other hand, I'm uncomfortable about putting my story out there, even if its done under a pseudoname, which, by the way, is the only way I would do it too.I'm curious about your experiences. Were you glad that you published your story? Did you have any regrets? Were there people who were able to connect you with your story even though you used a pseudoname? Did your story encompass the therapeutic relationship? Did your therapist know you were writing a book and was he/she supportive?
Regards,
happykat
Posted by vwoolf on December 25, 2006, at 11:54:10
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time » vwoolf, posted by happykat on December 23, 2006, at 15:39:49
Hi happykat, yes, I can understand how you would have conflicting feelings about your t's request, and that is precisely why many t's would have avoided the situation.
Of course that leaves a problem for the development of psychology as a discipline - t's can't talk about what goes on in therapy, because they can't legally use case material without written consent from the client, and when they do ask it mixes up the therapeutic relationship. I don't have any answer to the problem. I just know I would have objected if I was asked to be used in this way.
My story? It was a memoir about a part of my life. It did not talk about my current therapy although it did touch on some bad experiences I had with the psychiatric profession as a teenager but in a very peripheral way. My t knew I was writing it, and I took bits of it in to her when it felt as if I was touching on things I needed to discuss, but I didn't want her to comment on the style or content in any way.
In the beginning I was very careful not to let anyone connect me to the book. It felt good to have been published, but I felt almost cheated in a strange way, because nobody knew what I had done. Then I was asked to give a public reading in a bookstore. After much thought, I turned them down, but I felt sorry, so when a few months later they asked again, I agreed. I selected a very unemotional part. The reading went down very well, people who had read the book came up and told me how courageous they thought I was, and I felt very good about myself. It felt though as if I were reading someone else's words, talking about someone else's life. I couldn't really remember these things happening to me.
Then I was asked again, and this time I went for the jugular. I chose the most difficult, exposing part of the book. Why, I don't really know. One woman in the audience burst into tears and rushed out of the room, and others were visibly moved. When I finished I left without talking to anyone, I just felt I had to run. People wrote and told me how much they had appreciated it, but I felt naked and self-pitying and so exposed and ashamed I thought I would die. It took me quite a long time to get over that. The woman who had run out wrote and said that she hadn't been triggered by my reading because she had been through anything similar, but she had felt that my pain was unbearable.
It's funny. I couldn't accept their refelction of my pain.
Now I don't often acknowledge the book. I don't talk about it, I don't lend it out. When I go into a bookstore it gives me pleasure if I see it on the shelves, but I don't go and look for it. I am very glad I did not put my real name on it.
Posted by happykat on December 29, 2006, at 21:29:29
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by vwoolf on December 25, 2006, at 11:54:10
vwoolf,
Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I appreciate your candor in regards to how you felt upon publishing your book and the subsequent readings that you gave.
Your description of the readings and the audience response was very powerful. What an amazing experience! I've got to hand it to you, you have far more intestinal fortitude than I could ever see myself having. It sounds, from the audience's response, like just writing the book took an enormous act of courage. And although the readings were emotional and gut wrenching, who knows how many people you have inspired or helped by telling your story.
It scares me though, to think that once you put your story out there in print, there is no going back.
Your post has given me alot to think about. Thank you.
Regards,
happykat : )P.S.-I love your name!
Posted by Lonely on December 29, 2006, at 23:43:32
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by vwoolf on December 20, 2006, at 8:07:34
This sounds like a recipe for more pain and anguish. I'm seeing a therapist in part to recover from the first one. Also, it's due to a complex family situation that involves several serious physical diseases as well as serious mental illness.
T's do use their patients and mine (first) admitted that I would hate her some day when I realized what she did to me. I was deeply attached to her and hurt at the same time. The end result was a loss of self confidence surrounded by confusion and way too much focus on therapy and not enough with getting on getting on with my life. Frankly, a professional friend had (a few years earlier) done far more for me in terms of "raising me up" to new heights I did not know were possible. The T did the opposite.
Therapy is a contrived situation at best.
My first T had serious issues herself (I think all T's do) and in order to control me constantly harped at me about childhood experiences (eventually that has to be left behind) and often wouldn't let me even finish a sentence or a thought. She missed appts - was snide - the current one is too sometimes.
I was going through a personal family situation that was overwhelming and her emotional abuse was not helpful. I don't believe this bull about "working through" something with a T - I find they either want to control for their own satisfaction or they have no interest. That's the big reason why I saw two T's at the same time. I hardly knew which way was up emotionally. I guess this is a little bit of a muddled trigger for me (strictly me - not the responsibility of anyone else on this thread) and I'm reacting accordingly but right now I would say "lose her" because it doesn't sound like your best interests are truly reflected. Nonetheless, you'll have to find your own way and fulfill your own needs.
Posted by sunnydays on December 30, 2006, at 10:54:34
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by Lonely on December 29, 2006, at 23:43:32
> This sounds like a recipe for more pain and anguish. I'm seeing a therapist in part to recover from the first one. Also, it's due to a complex family situation that involves several serious physical diseases as well as serious mental illness.
**** I'm sorry you're having such problems.
> T's do use their patients and mine (first) admitted that I would hate her some day when I realized what she did to me. I was deeply attached to her and hurt at the same time. The end result was a loss of self confidence surrounded by confusion and way too much focus on therapy and not enough with getting on getting on with my life. Frankly, a professional friend had (a few years earlier) done far more for me in terms of "raising me up" to new heights I did not know were possible. The T did the opposite.
**** I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely does not sound right.
>
> Therapy is a contrived situation at best.**** I disagree with this. I think it is contrived at worst. At best, one can feel deeply connected to one's therapist and have them feel deeply connected to you and this can be a healing relationship. Granted, it has stricter boundaries than most, but I think it still has the potential to be very real and very healing.
>
> My first T had serious issues herself (I think all T's do) and in order to control me constantly harped at me about childhood experiences (eventually that has to be left behind) and often wouldn't let me even finish a sentence or a thought. She missed appts - was snide - the current one is too sometimes.**** That doesn't sound like she was a good therapist. Missing appointments isn't good. As for snide - have you checked out her intent with your current therapist? Sometimes I think mine is being sarcastic, but that's not how he meant it at all, and asking about it has been incredibly healing for me. He apologizes when he says something that doesn't come out right, but I have to ask, or he doesn't know how I interpreted it and he thinks it came out the way he meant it.
>
> I was going through a personal family situation that was overwhelming and her emotional abuse was not helpful. I don't believe this bull about "working through" something with a T - I find they either want to control for their own satisfaction or they have no interest.**** I'm sorry that has been your experience. It has not been mine. I'm still a little bit in the middle, but I can definitely see progress I have made since where I started, and I think I am in the process of working through. I have been helped immensely by therapy, and my life has been tremendously improved because of decisions I have made because of being in therapy. My T never tries to control me. He takes painstaking care not to, and sometimes that's frustrating for me because I just want him to tell me what to do. But I think a good T will let you come to important realizations yourself, rather than forcing them on you. They may have techniques to accelerate the process, but ultimately I think it can be so so helpful.
That's the big reason why I saw two T's at the same time. I hardly knew which way was up emotionally. I guess this is a little bit of a muddled trigger for me (strictly me - not the responsibility of anyone else on this thread) and I'm reacting accordingly but right now I would say "lose her" because it doesn't sound like your best interests are truly reflected. Nonetheless, you'll have to find your own way and fulfill your own needs.
**** I hope you are able to find help that works for you. It doesn't sound like you have found that yet.sunnydays
Posted by Lonely on December 30, 2006, at 22:27:56
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time, posted by sunnydays on December 30, 2006, at 10:54:34
Hi Sunny,
Somewhere - and now I can't find it of course - perhaps it was under Administrative - someone had written a blurb about research and/or papers written about online psychiatric groups/websites/message boards. The point was that they were being investigated as to any harm done, ethics, and so forth. The part that caught my eye was a poster mentioning something about their therapist (psychiatrist, probably) and others in mental health not approving of online psychiatric message boards.
I DO approve of online psychiatric message boards such as this one although I could see the potential for harm for some people at some times. Perhaps there needs to be some sort of safety valve for that issue.
BUT my REAL tie-in here, and I have alluded (come out and said it!) in my 2 posts under this thread, that therapists often want complete control over their patients. Message boards are a threat to that absolute authority. It happens a lot. My "T" sort've grimaced when I mentioned going to mental health type message boards once-in-a-while although she never said that I shouldn't. When I come here I believe I'm receiving "peer" feedback - no one who identifies themself as a therapist is telling me what to do or how I should feel. So, that threat to the "T" is more based on their own insecurities for the most part. (I leave open that there are always special cases).
So, in a way, I feel that your response was standard political party line in this field - with some good reasons - but also not altogether realistic.
I haven't had the greatest experiences with "Ts" ... and although I probably am projecting here, I'm also not about to accept the blame although I felt it was subtly pushed in my direction.
So, for now, Happy New Year, and look forward to seeing your posts next year! <smile>
Lonely
Posted by Dinah on December 31, 2006, at 11:02:16
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time » sunnydays, posted by Lonely on December 30, 2006, at 22:27:56
I think she was just saying that not all therapists are as you described.
My therapist strongly encourages my involvement here, and is adamant about not controlling my life in any way. It's darn annoying, really.
You *have* had bad luck with therapists. So have I, but I've had good luck as well.
Posted by sunnydays on December 31, 2006, at 16:58:09
In reply to Re: 2 Therapists At Same Time » sunnydays, posted by Lonely on December 30, 2006, at 22:27:56
I'm sorry you felt I was blaming you. I really wasn't at all. It really was more what Dinah said, I was really trying to show that not all therapists try to control their patients, although I would certainly believe that many do. But there are people in all sorts of professions that don't act as well as they should. It's not your fault at all if you happen to have had some bad luck. I was just showing my perspective, which is that my therapist has been really sensitive and caring and has not tried to control me in the least. I remember the post you're talking about, although I'm also not sure where it was. I have never told my therapist about my involvement here, but more because I've never felt the need to and there's never been an occasion where I thought it would be useful or in any way relevant to what we are working on. At some point I'm sure I will mention it, and I'm really pretty confident he'll be fine with it. Anything I find helpful he's pretty much in favor of. But I do know he's a little more relaxed than some therapists, so there are certainly therapists that wouldn't agree. Anyway, I wasn't trying to push the party line, I was just trying to share my experience and how there are other possibilities for people in therapy besides being controlled by their therapist.
Happy New Year to you as well.
sunnydays
This is the end of the thread.
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