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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 8:07:05
I hope I wrong somehow.
But i been having many negative thots.
Mebbe i just afraid.
But I been thinking.
What is T 'attachment'? I been thinking its not so much as attachment as dependance.
Or I been thinking I like a life sucking leech to my T.
Other wise why does mt T have to take breaks? With no contact orders? Of course if I terribly desparate its OK to call mebbe, she occasionally will check her messages..
But mostly she would rather I didn't call I would think.
I would not be welcome. She'd proly get mad unless i had good reason somehow.
I am her work. Thats what I am. Thats it. And everybody goto have a break from work. I am a burden.
So I don't understand this.
I am confused.
I see T tomorrow.
I don't wanto suck the life from her.
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on January 8, 2007, at 9:34:50
In reply to ***T relationship trigger***Negative thots, posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 8:07:05
I'm wondering how much of this is something she actually said, and how much is what you think she's thinking. My therapist actually gets annoyed with me sometimes for thinking I'm such a burden. He tells me I'm not even close to the line of being a burden, that if I need him call him, and that he doesn't need time away from me, he needs time with his family away from it all. He generally gives me carte blanche to call him wherever he is, although he admits that depending on his schedule he may not be able to get back to me promptly.
Have you talked to her about this? What does she say about it?
(Mind you, I still get a bit affronted when he talks about how he's looking forward to a holiday with no work, and remind him that his work is having relationships with people, including me, and that if he's looking forward to getting away from all that, it might be more discreet to not say so in front of his "work".)
Posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 13:36:32
In reply to Re: ***T relationship trigger***Negative thots, posted by Dinah on January 8, 2007, at 9:34:50
Thanks Dinah, you so sweet.
Its proly all in my head this stuff.
I am just totally pannicking and freaking out cuz I got appt w/T tomorrow after 3 wks, and we left off at a bad spot, and I really freaking and mebbe I go back on seroquel a bit cuz I frozen in terror or something. Can't think, just sitting here getting nothing done.
I am trying to cobble together a not too long fax to send today for tomorrow.
Nothing controversial, just the way the holiday went(not bad) and stuff.
Also GLAD, sooooooooooooooooooooo glad your lump is gone (((Dinah))).
I wonder as I sit here, is T worth it?
I can only say I hope so.
And think of my dear irl kids......
Sh*t anyways.
Thanks Dinah.
Muffled
Posted by canadagirl on January 8, 2007, at 16:20:55
In reply to ***T relationship trigger***Negative thots, posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 8:07:05
I can only speak for myself here but when my work has involved helping people, it is definitely to me like treading on sacred ground when I enter someone's life. To see the person they are and to witness their struggles and growth (even to see the worst when things are going not so good for them). So in my opinion yes it's work but it is a privilege to have this type of work and the people we grow to care for. I'm sure your therapist feels the same (especially you say she is a pastoral counsellor. Even more so.) And yes, there are breaks but then we come back refreshed and renewed right? That's probably the same for her.
Posted by mair on January 8, 2007, at 17:34:27
In reply to ***T relationship trigger***Negative thots, posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 8:07:05
I think what you're feeling is pretty typical with some of us. My T and I have been around and around this issue so many times. I've felt at different times that I was sucking the life out of her; that I was way more trouble than I'm worth to her; that she would love to figure out a way to terminate me but couldn't because of the intense rejection I'd feel. After endless discussions about this, these feelings are not as prevalent as they used to be.
However, the issue of calling her has been particularly thorny because she finally realized a few years into my relationship with her that my definition of an emergency was that I would have to be poised to kill myself before I thought it was ok to call her. She's tried to reassure me so many times that it's all right for me to call her whenever I'd like to talk to her. She's pointed out to me, correctly, that I don't mind it at all when my own clients call me at home because it isn't an everyday occurence.
Still for all of her reassurances, and in spite of the positive evolution of our relationship, I found that I was really annoyed recently when she left a message on my voice mail at home and at work about rescheduling an appointment time and told me in the message that I should call and leave a message on her office voice mail to confirm the time. I'm sure the suggestion was pretty innocent and maybe she put it that way because she wasn't going to be home if I did call there. All I heard, loudly and clearly was the message of "don't call me at home," which is probably why in over 8 years of seeing her, I've only called her at home once.
This is the type of issue that you really do need to discuss with your T.
mair
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on January 8, 2007, at 18:27:12
In reply to Re: ***T relationship trigger***Negative thots » muffled, posted by mair on January 8, 2007, at 17:34:27
muffled,
hope things go well at your appt. I think once you reconnect with her you'll feel better about where you stand.remember, she will come find you if you try to go into hiding?
she's okay, your T. really.
affectionately,
Lurpsieb
Posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 22:03:10
In reply to Re: ***T relationship trigger***Negative thots, posted by canadagirl on January 8, 2007, at 16:20:55
> I can only speak for myself here but when my work has involved helping people, it is definitely to me like treading on sacred ground when I enter someone's life.
*My T says something like that. Like she says she is honored that I sharing my journey w/her. I just figgered thats a thing T's say.
>To see the person they are and to witness their struggles and growth (even to see the worst when things are going not so good for them). So in my opinion yes it's work but it is a privilege to have this type of work and the people we grow to care for. I'm sure your therapist feels the same (especially you say she is a pastoral counsellor. Even more so.) And yes, there are breaks but then we come back refreshed and renewed right? That's probably the same for her.
**Yeah, she always seems more refreshed after a break.
My T has said similiar stuff to you.
I guess its just my own stuff showing :(
I guess I truly find it hard to beleive that sharing anything to do w/me could possibly be a priveledge. I guess I still getting over my leperousness feelings.
My T says thank you to me for me letting her into my inner world. I never could get that. My world is not special or nothing. So this is where I get confused.
Fortunately my T seems to have the patience of a saint.
And she alot tougher than she looks.
I guess I gonna have to start actually hearing and beleiving stuff she says.......
Just so hard for me to beleive.
I working on it.
Thanks CG.
Take care,
You sound very kind.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 22:10:24
In reply to Re: ***T relationship trigger***Negative thots » muffled, posted by mair on January 8, 2007, at 17:34:27
> I think what you're feeling is pretty typical with some of us. My T and I have been around and around this issue so many times. After endless discussions about this, these feelings are not as prevalent as they used to be.
**Sigh. I wish i was a faster learner. But its good to know it gets easier...
>
> However, the issue of calling her has been particularly thorny**Yeah, thats always a tough one. I have called my T a few times, when I didn't know what else to do. She's OK bout calling mostly. Though I get the feeling she would rather I didn't, but that may just be me, I dunno.
> Still for all of her reassurances, and in spite of the positive evolution of our relationship, I found that I was really annoyed recently when she left a message on my voice mail at home and at work about rescheduling an appointment time and told me in the message that I should call and leave a message on her office voice mail to confirm the time. I'm sure the suggestion was pretty innocent and maybe she put it that way because she wasn't going to be home if I did call there. All I heard, loudly and clearly was the message of "don't call me at home," which is probably why in over 8 years of seeing her, I've only called her at home once.
**Yup, the phone things a tough one. My T has a cell, so I never have reason to call her home phone.
>
> This is the type of issue that you really do need to discuss with your T.**Thanks Mair. So much to discuss, so little time!
I dunno if I talked to you b4 mair? I get confused sometimes. If not, then nice to meet you. If I have, well...nice to see you again!
Thanks for sharing your stories, it helps,
Muffled
Posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 22:16:22
In reply to gonna be ok, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on January 8, 2007, at 18:27:12
> hope things go well at your appt. I think once you reconnect with her you'll feel better about where you stand.
*I think you right on that one Ll.
>
> remember, she will come find you if you try to go into hiding?**Now THAT made me smile, ALOT. Thank you for reminding me of that. So simple, but huge to my ikid, and thats the one thats most scared I think.
>
> she's okay, your T. really.**Yeah, I think she proly is. I just getting myself all crazy. She phoned tonite cuz she was afraid she could possibly be a wee bit late due to a dentist appt b4 my appt. Dentist is at 8:10 and my appt is 9:30, so she not likely to be too late. But it was REAL nice that she phoned just in case. REAL nice.
Yeah, that was good.
>
> affectionately,
> Lurpsieb**affectionately back at ya Ll.
So have you posted at all bout your trip?
And 'stuff?'
I stay mostly here cuz I get too lost going all over.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on January 9, 2007, at 21:21:59
In reply to Re: gonna be ok » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by muffled on January 8, 2007, at 22:16:22
> > hope things go well at your appt. I think once you reconnect with her you'll feel better about where you stand.
>
> *I think you right on that one Ll.
> >
> > remember, she will come find you if you try to go into hiding?
>
> **Now THAT made me smile, ALOT. Thank you for reminding me of that. So simple, but huge to my ikid, and thats the one thats most scared I think.
> >
>Oh good :) glad I could help :)
> So have you posted at all bout your trip?
> And 'stuff?'http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061228/msgs/720584.html
I feel like Dr. Bob posting a link to a psychobabble post.
> I stay mostly here cuz I get too lost going all over.
Me too, but sometimes I like getting lost.
Saw my T today. I should've told her I missed her, but I forgot. damn. Oh well. my mom disappointed me again, but my T didn't :)
hope your T was (will be?) nice to you. you deserve it. all the parts of you deserve it. (((((muffled)))))
-Ll
Posted by muffled on January 9, 2007, at 21:54:22
In reply to Re: gonna be ok » muffled, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on January 9, 2007, at 21:21:59
This is the end of the thread.
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