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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 14, 2007, at 19:45:55
to all who read this...
do you ever feel like never going back even if it'd good...?
or maybe because it's so good...?
I mean the attachment thats developed, and the theraputic bond..
has anyone ever just not gone back..?
and if so, what happened..?do you think you therapist was or would be terribly hurt.. or angry or what..?
I ask because i think i cannot go back myself...
the crying the foreboding feeling, as each day passes nearer the appt...The pain inside the inner most parts of my soul..
I can't face the end... even although it may not be for lots more months...it's dropping to monthly anyway so what good is that..?why drag out the pain of a long goodbye...
but i dont want to hurt her...
i love her))
thankyou - SG
Posted by canadagirl on January 14, 2007, at 21:31:43
In reply to ever feel like never going back even if its good?, posted by Scentedgarden on January 14, 2007, at 19:45:55
HI Scented Garden, yes I have felt that way. (I'm currently out of therapy but I only take it in small doses due to my insurance plan so I stop and start every once in awhile). The attachment is hard but it's important to finish and have an ending, not just to bolt and never show up again. I don't know why, but it just doesn't work as well, painful as it may be. It is that "love" that heals. When we get what we need it's so hard to give it up isn't it. But it doesn't have to be forever. You can always go back if you need to. You will have accomplished something worthwhile in your life (and yes it hurts but it gets better, it really does). It's hard for the therapist in some cases too. I hope I'm not being too wishy washy here. But I want you to know I can relate.
Posted by annierose on January 14, 2007, at 22:27:44
In reply to ever feel like never going back even if its good?, posted by Scentedgarden on January 14, 2007, at 19:45:55
If you quit, I think it would disappoint your therapist but she would accept your decision. It is afterall, your therapy, your decision. As much as she cares, and she does, she isn't as emotionally invested as you.
I think you should continue to go. Keep telling her how painful it is. See where that conversation leads you.
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 15, 2007, at 10:04:29
In reply to Re: ever feel like never going back even if its good?, posted by annierose on January 14, 2007, at 22:27:44
***Thankyou for your reply and concern for my situation and your honesty, tuff as it is to take...i know im just a patient, actually i dont know that...I actually believe she has much more feeeling s for me than her others...she does thing s for me she says she would never do for another patient, and she says she makes exceptions with me..and lets things slip...boundaries etc, she even said she'd go for coffee with me if we bumped into each other..so im hurting real bad right now...but i dont think its easy for her either...anyway she prob only said that to make me eel better altho i dont believe that either as she said it way at the beginning years ago when she hardly knew me and i had no feeling s for her at all..
***the more a patient complains the more the patient is seen to be ill or sick... at least that is my experience...and im sick to death with the whole psychological roller coaster...i back off she pursues....she backs off i pursue...who cares anymore..??!!! the relationship is hard as she is ethical and morally sound so she has to be boundarful and thats always going to hurt...both people if they both genuinely care about each other...i know im just her job, and she has been my life for a while so i can see the diff i can see it...it just hurts like agony, and all i fel like doing is never seeing her again...that way i will make some impression on the end, and i will have been able to make her think of me and wonder why it went wrong..
i know i sound like a fool now for saying all this...but ive been struggling with ending this ever since i grew to like her....and its not easy...ive been reading peoples post here on termination for a while..!! and, ... oh whats the use..?
See where that conversation leads you.
****I imagine it will be some well rehearsed jargon i get from her in a conversation like that...no the only way is to say im over her..and just say nothing and get on with getting over it...***im sorry my reply is hectic...plz forgive me, but im getting confused and so on with this in my life each day...
***and i dont know what to do...im sorry for being a pain...to her and to you...thank you for helping me.
scentedgarden
Posted by annierose on January 15, 2007, at 13:48:29
In reply to Re: ever feel like never going back even if its good? » annierose, posted by Scentedgarden on January 15, 2007, at 10:04:29
SG -
I responded to your post because I was there long ago. I did quit therapy mid-treatment. I didn't quit to see to see how she would feel - afterall - if you quit, you don't get to see the therapist again and/or know what they are thinking about your quitting. However, I did wonder what she was feeling - - - if it bothered her, sadden her, disappointed her, brought happiness, whatever - - I wondered if she thought about me and what were those thoughts.
Years later when I saw her again I did ask those questions. Hence my first reply. And it resonated as true. Yes, she thought about me and wondered what happened, what overwhelmed me so that I had to leave, but she accepted that decision. She called me once - the first appointment that I missed to see if I was going to come and talk to her about my decision. I didn't. So she accepted where I was at and moved on to her other clients and life.
I hope this answers your question. Of course, every relationship is different. This was my experience. And like I said, I didn't quit because the relationship was too intense. I didn't quit to get a reaction out of her - or to make a point. I quit because I was tired of talking about life and I wanted to start living my life.
From what you told me, I think you should continue to talk things out with your T. Quitting will bring another set of issues to the forefront - you may feel abadoned - even though it was you that terminated the relationship. She isn't going to rescue you.
Good Luck.
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 15, 2007, at 20:21:57
In reply to Re: ever feel like never going back even if its good? » Scentedgarden, posted by annierose on January 15, 2007, at 13:48:29
> SG -
>
> I responded to your post because I was there long ago.
Annierose
thanks for your time and care to share this with me it means alot..and is a huge help...so thank you very very much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>
> She isn't going to rescue you.thank you but she already has...!!
>
> Good Luck.much appreciated...
SG
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 15, 2007, at 20:43:06
In reply to Re: ever feel like never going back even if its good? » Scentedgarden, posted by canadagirl on January 14, 2007, at 21:31:43
> HI Scented Garden, yes I have felt that way. (I'm currently out of therapy but I only take it in small doses due to my insurance plan so I stop and start every once in awhile). The attachment is hard but it's important to finish and have an ending, not just to bolt and never show up again. I don't know why, but it just doesn't work as well, painful as it may be. It is that "love" that heals. When we get what we need it's so hard to give it up isn't it. But it doesn't have to be forever. You can always go back if you need to. You will have accomplished something worthwhile in your life (and yes it hurts but it gets better, it really does). It's hard for the therapist in some cases too. I hope I'm not being too wishy washy here. But I want you to know I can relate.
CANADAGIRL !!!!!!!!!
thanks canandagirl...i liked reading you post,as it brings comfort to me...im hurting thru this right now too much..and i dont seem to know where i will find the support and comfort i need...but i have read your post above again and although im crying as i type this ..i have found your words to be encouraging and loving..and gentle...and kind...
thanks for saying it can be hard on them too...as this helps me not feel so frewaky or weird for thinking that too...
and thanks for saying you can relate... somehow that just means alot...
sorry i took so long to reply. you're verymuch appreciated...
i hope your well.....are you in Cananda? daft question i guess..!! anyway i know someon who has a house in Banff Canmore..
and if you have anything else you'd like to sy plz get intouch...many thanks!!!!SG
Posted by happykat on January 16, 2007, at 15:40:29
In reply to ever feel like never going back even if its good?, posted by Scentedgarden on January 14, 2007, at 19:45:55
Scentedgarden,
I've recently quit therapy twice and gone crawling back and was fortunate that my therapist understood and let me continue. Therapy really is hard and some days it really sucks. After today's session I want to quit again but I know that I'd just be running.
If you want to quit you owe it to yourself and your t to at least take a session and discuss it. Sometimes I think it is hard on t's if you quit. They have invested time in seeing you and trying to help you but it's never as hard on them as it is on us.
When you say she's rescued you what do you mean?
I think I wanted mine to rescue me and finally realized that the only person that can truly save me is myself. Which is terrifying because I don't have alot of confidence in myself.
I'm not sure if any of this helped. Probably not but whatever its worth...Hang in there! Quitting isn't going to make things any better probably only worse.
Regards,
happykat
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