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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
I feel like a shouldn't even post because I can't think of words to describe how really, really, really bad I feel. Maybe anguish? My insides hurt. I'm not sure if I feel like I'm going to die or if I just really want to. I think I want to. And lonely, lonely, lonely.
Anguish
Hurt
Lonely
Torment
Misery
Pain
DespairAnd my IRL people just suck. They are so damn selfish. I'm sick of people expecting me to give and then not offering anything in return when I have a need because it doesn't fit conveniently into their schedules. Well F*CK them. F*ck them all.
Posted by anneke06 on January 18, 2007, at 19:02:23
In reply to End of my rope, posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
I am so sorry everything is so sucky right now. You have been through a lot recently (and not so recently) and deserve better.
I also wish I had something better to offer than the usual suggestions of distraction, hot baths, hot chocolate, bad tv, etc. etc. etc.
Feelings DO pass, but I always really hate being reminded of that when I'm in the midst of them.
But, I care about you and want nothing more than for you to be able to tie a knot at the end of that rope and hang on tight. I'll help you tie it if you want, but I never went to girl scouts or anything and when I was a camp counselor I was always a "girly-girl" and made my big strong guy co-counselor do the knot-tying thing.....but for you, I'll tie the best dam* knot I know how....
((((((jammerlich)))))))
Posted by Daisym on January 18, 2007, at 23:36:32
In reply to End of my rope, posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
I know how you feel. It hurts too much to explain or live through. And yet we do. We get up each day and make it through. Nights are the worst for me.
No one told me before that loneliness could hurt like this. I'm sorry you feel it so deeply. Can your therapist help at all with any of this?
Today my therapist left me a voice mail for the weekend. He said, "I know you are in a very dark place and don't believe there is anything good in the future. But you can't see the future I see for you. So for now, you just have to believe in me and I'll believe in the future. I'll hold the hope." Jammer - hold on to me who is holding on to him. We can share his hope.
Keep posting. I find it helps to let it out some.
Posted by muffled on January 19, 2007, at 9:57:15
In reply to Re: End of my rope » jammerlich, posted by Daisym on January 18, 2007, at 23:36:32
I'll help w/rope too (((((((((((((((((Jammer)))))))))))))))))))
I kinda screwed up a bit, but i will help too.
I like you Jammer.
You in a hard place.
Let T help, mebbe meds change?
Mebbe this a byproduct from seizures?
Hows that stuff going?
I remember feeling so bad,walking around town, I not on any drugs, just real emot f*cked up, and some kids said as I passed by,'whoah, that lady is sure wacked on drugs'.
It sucked.
But I don't feel THAT bad no more.
I rarely curl up in a ball w/my bible on the floor wainting for the torment to pass.
I getting better.
Its slow.
Hard.
But I glad I here.
I glad you here Jammer.
Glad you reaching out.
Take care
Hang on
Muffled
Posted by Honore on January 19, 2007, at 12:44:14
In reply to End of my rope, posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
So sorry, jammer.
I wish people weren't so disappointing now. You deserve to have someone who's able to be there. It's awful to be so alone.
Keep trying. This will pass and better things will happen.
Don't give up on coming here and writing, even if the words are hard to find.
{{{{Jammer}}}}
Honore
Posted by Deneb on January 19, 2007, at 13:04:59
In reply to End of my rope, posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
((((((Jammer)))))))
I wish things weren't so rough for you right now.
Deneb*
Posted by Poet on January 19, 2007, at 15:35:00
In reply to End of my rope, posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
Hi Jammerlich,
I don't have terribly much energey these days, it took me an hour to write a post, today, but I will tie that rope around my waist and hold on tight.
Sorry your IRL people suck.
((((Jammerlich)))))
Poet
Posted by happykat on January 19, 2007, at 16:13:49
In reply to End of my rope, posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
((((((Jammerlich)))))))
I'm really, really sorry that things aren't going well right now. :( I'm sending out loving, comforting hugs and vibes.
Be well. Stay safe.
Regards,
happykat
Posted by Declan on January 19, 2007, at 18:55:35
In reply to End of my rope, posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
Maybe your anger is the thing you should hold on to here?
It might help you deal with these people and also set boundaries that are better for you in the long run?
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 19, 2007, at 20:25:14
In reply to Re: End of my rope » jammerlich, posted by Declan on January 19, 2007, at 18:55:35
Jammer,
I wish you weren't hurting so bad. Right now, focus on you. Don't worry about how other people are going to react to you (easier said than done, right?).If people disappoint you, tell them. You are a very very kind person. I'm sure you won't offend them. Stand up for yourself and say, "Actually it's NOT okay to stop by 3 hours late. I was expecting you hours ago, and I don't feel well. I was hoping that you would be more considerate of my feelings."
There are a lot of scripts like this for dealing with "difficult" people. You need to work on your scripts. Even if it comes out in a tremulous voice. Even if it hurts to say it-- it needs to be said. You WILL feel better if people treat you better, but you need to be honest and straightforward about what you expect from them.
I deal with this issue from my parents (mom). I expect her to do something as promised. When she's late, or reneges, I feel really upset, but I blow it off, with a mild annoyance. Deep inside, though, that anger festers. And sometimes the festering anger and rage can turn on you and become depression.
It's a dangerous cycle, but you are halfway there to breaking it. You recognize the problem. You feel justified in receiving more attention and consideration than you are receiving. Now the next step is communication. consistent communication of your expectations. You may be surprised at the results. I've been pleasantly surprised that my advisor started respecting her appt. times with me instead of blowing me off to buy flowers for her garden, or double scheduling me with someone more "important". You deserve better, and if you don't tell them, then they will try to ignore the fact that you DESERVE better.
anyways, take care of your cranium, my dear. It has a lot of good things inside it, and with some TLC, you will start to feel more "normal"
your friend,
Ll
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2007, at 11:16:16
In reply to End of my rope, posted by jammerlich on January 18, 2007, at 17:50:55
I don't know what to say, except that when I was at the end of my rope just a little bit ago, somehow a little more rope was added.
Keep holding on.
Dinah
Posted by muffled on January 21, 2007, at 23:19:46
In reply to ((((Jammer))))) » jammerlich, posted by Dinah on January 20, 2007, at 11:16:16
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 21, 2007, at 23:50:21
In reply to Thinkin of ya Jammer (nm), posted by muffled on January 21, 2007, at 23:19:46
Mee too jammer,
hope your head slowly and steadily returns to normalish.and I'll look forward to having my cleaned and folded laundry sent back to me soon
(joke)
'night (hugs)
Ll
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