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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by allisonf on January 25, 2007, at 23:44:47
I posted here a long time ago about an ongoing transference issue I have with my therapist. I am still on and off having difficulty with that. But tonight I am just having difficulty generally. And I don't quite know where to go. I hope it's ok that I reach out to the PB community again.
I just called my T and left a message on her machine because I felt like hearing her voice. I am so badly wanting to die at this moment. I read some of the earlier thread about what keeps you going, and that was helpful. I think of my family too, my kids, my father.
I am freezing cold. I just feel at a loss, I don't know what to even write. Small things triggered this episode tonight, but it has been building these past few days. Saw my T today and we talked about it, but it just got worse anyway.
I feel like this is the most boring post in the whole world. I'm sorry.
Thanks for listening.
Posted by cubic_me on January 26, 2007, at 8:33:47
In reply to Having a hard time **trigger**, posted by allisonf on January 25, 2007, at 23:44:47
Hi Allisonf,
I don't know what time it is for you now, but I'm sorry if no-one was around when you were feeling so low. How are you feeling now?
It's always ok to write here...and your post isn't boring. I think most of us here have been through something similar, where, like you say, you just feel at a loss.
What things normally cheer you up? For me it's sometimes a great TV programme (if I can concentrate long enough) or some chocolate icecream (if I'm hungry enough). I know those things only seem like a temporary fix, but it can get you through the worst of things when you run out of hope.
I hope you're feeling a little better today.
Posted by Dinah on January 26, 2007, at 9:10:51
In reply to Having a hard time **trigger**, posted by allisonf on January 25, 2007, at 23:44:47
Allison, it's really good to see you again. I remember well how your discussion of transference issues helped me so much with my own. I'm glad yours have settled down a lot. So have mine with a lot of discussions with my therapist and bringing them out in the open.
I'm really sorry you're feeling so rotten this evening. I so understand about the small things igniting the building tension. I have that problem too, and that's why therapy is so helpful to me, although it's not perfect and doesn't always work.
Is there any way you can soothe or distract yourself? Hot bubble baths, or what I do usually is make myself fall asleep although I'm not sure how, a good movie - especially one that's the direct opposite of how you feel, like a really silly one when you're feeling tense.
Posted by allisonf on January 26, 2007, at 9:40:32
In reply to Having a hard time **trigger**, posted by allisonf on January 25, 2007, at 23:44:47
Thank you, cubic_me and Dinah, for your messages. It was really nice to wake up this morning and find your messages...I really appreciate it. It was a rough night, but I got thru, I know you understand how it goes.
I will try to take your messages to heart and think of things I can do today to make myself feel better. I promised to take my kids ice skating today and I totally feel like sleeping, but I'm going to go. I think sometimes things like that distract me from what's making me down. And I've already dipped into the chocolate--it's only 10:30 in the morning here!
Dinah, it was good to hear from you. I remember talking about the transference issues a few years ago and it was very helpful to me too. Things with that have settled down somewhat, but it's amazing how the littlest thing that my T might do or say to me, will set me off again. Do you find that too?
Thanks again for your messages.
allison
Posted by Gee on January 26, 2007, at 15:27:31
In reply to Re: Having a hard time **trigger**, posted by allisonf on January 26, 2007, at 9:40:32
I hope you had fun skating. Sometimes the littlest things can make me feel better for a bit when I'm really low. And it's never too early for chocolate!!!!!!!!
As much as little things can be triggering, little things can also bring me back to reality. I use to find that just cuddling with my dog a huge help. Or playing cards with my friends. You have kids? Could you play a game with them? Or finger paint? or something?
Posted by mair on January 26, 2007, at 15:57:41
In reply to Having a hard time **trigger**, posted by allisonf on January 25, 2007, at 23:44:47
Alison, it's sounds like you live in a cold climate. Do you have a fire place? I really got mine going last night, and it seemed to help. Blankets, fires, dvds, and chocolate - all good things!
mair
Posted by allisonf on January 26, 2007, at 18:05:53
In reply to Re: Having a hard time **trigger** » allisonf, posted by Gee on January 26, 2007, at 15:27:31
I am feeling a little better now, thanks. I did go skating. It is freezing here (I am in the Philadelphia area) and so making a fire tonight sounds like a wonderful idea. It did help to do something with my kids. After we got home I made us hot chocolate with marshmallows. I have been taking it easy today.
Also, I spoke with my therapist this morning. That helped too. She was very kind and caring and talked to me about the behavioral things that I can do to get myself out of this (like exercise and thought stopping and that kind of thing). She thought we should give it a few more days and then if I'm not better, call the pdoc. I think that's a good idea...
The only thing is that my father (who is elderly and has been quite sick this past year) just fell and needs to go to the hospital tonight. He lives nearby so I am just about to leave to go with him. I am trying not to overreact, maybe it is nothing.
Thanks again for your helpful thoughts!
Allison
Posted by happykat on January 26, 2007, at 20:59:15
In reply to Re: Having a hard time **trigger**, posted by allisonf on January 26, 2007, at 18:05:53
allisonf,
I'm glad you were able to get out with your kids. I think it always helps to mobilize oneself when possible. I always find things are easier once I get out the front door.
Hot chocolate and marshmallows plus a fire sound first rate. Also good that you got a hold of your t this a.m.
I am however sorry to hear about your father and hoping that he is o.k.
I hope you are hanging in there!
Regards,
happykat
Posted by Dinah on January 27, 2007, at 10:19:38
In reply to Re: Having a hard time **trigger**, posted by allisonf on January 26, 2007, at 9:40:32
> Things with that have settled down somewhat, but it's amazing how the littlest thing that my T might do or say to me, will set me off again. Do you find that too?
I think it's gotten a lot better, because I've learned to recognize it and speak of it immediately in most cases, and he's learned to understand why I react the way I do and to be fairly understanding about it. I think our relationship still has its ups and downs. Right now we're in an up phase, most of last year was a down phase. But I find that true of any long term relationship.
Do you find the nature of the issues you're having with her changing?
I hope your dad is ok.
Posted by allisonf on January 27, 2007, at 19:25:01
In reply to Re: Having a hard time **trigger** » allisonf, posted by Dinah on January 27, 2007, at 10:19:38
I do find that that nature of our issues has changed somewhat. I think just like you, I am more apt to tell her when something sets me off and we talk about it together in the context of the bipolar disorder. Just like your therapist, she has really firm boundaries, and overall, that is a good thing for me. (though sometimes I still have fantasies that her boundaries weren't so firm! :) ) I like how you refer to the ups and downs with your T like in any relationship--I think that is true. My T has had a very bad year personally, and while I would never wish her to go thru what she has been thru, I love how she says she is almost better able to empathize with me when I am depressed. I love how she talks to me like we are a team in my recovery.
I think overall, I am not set off as easily as I used to be. Or maybe we have just evolved into a new place, kind of like what you are saying. I don't think the transference is ever a completely resolvable thing. Maybe you begin to accept the limitations of the therapy relationship more (after running into the wall over and over again!!)? I don't know. I am totally just rambling. Does this make sense?
Thanks, Dinah, and to everyone who has given me support these past few days. My dad is still in the hospital, but didn't break anything from his fall, so that's good. I am definitely feeling a little bit better.
Posted by allisonf on January 27, 2007, at 19:26:11
In reply to Re: Having a hard time **trigger**, posted by happykat on January 26, 2007, at 20:59:15
This is the end of the thread.
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