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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on January 28, 2007, at 20:18:26
As much as we all hate to think about termination and endings, I know we all think about it at some point for various reasons.
Can I ever really terminate with my T? She means too much to me. But when things aren't going as smoothly as I'd like, I always think, well maybe it's time to terminate and maybe this should be the year.I was recently *thinking* about termination and wanted to look up a book that might be helpful.
'Good Goodbyes': Knowing how to End in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis
I guess I'm not good with posting a link for this book, but...I ordered this from Barnes and Noble and picked it up on Friday. It was released in 2006 so it's fairly new. I've read through some of it and I like it. I feel like it gives a pretty good overview of what happens in therapy, the pretermination phase and the termination phase and how you can plan it etc. I don't want to get too carried away with what I've read, but just thought I'd share this with anyone that might be interested.
And no, I'm not interested in termination yet. Maybe I'm waiting to perfect myself to a place that isn't ever going to be. I think we think our T should make us whole and complete, but we won't be prefect. I know I'll always struggle with certain issues and therapy has taught me to deal with those things in a way I didn't know before.LadyBug
Posted by frida on January 28, 2007, at 20:48:04
In reply to Termination Thoughts/Book, posted by LadyBug on January 28, 2007, at 20:18:26
Ladybug,
Thank you for sharing...It is such a painful topic.
I've been seeing my T for 7 years. I don't think I could imagine her not being part of my life in some way. She's been like a mother to me and we've been through so much together. I can't imagine not having her in my life somehow. Fortunately,she has told me that as long as we are alive =), she thinks that we will always be part of each other's lives in some way.
I don't believe in terminating completely..
I think I would still see her once in a while just to check in.. I love her too much, and I hope she'll still be there for me no matter what.
I hate to think about finishing a relationship that has taught me so much. I know some may think it is not healthy, and maybe I should be able to live without her in my life, but I can't imagine that...we've shared so much, and I feel I know her heart too and I care about her and i don't think I could ever be ok with not seeing her ever againhoping you are ok,
frida
Posted by LadyBug on January 28, 2007, at 22:34:09
In reply to Re: Termination Thoughts/Book » LadyBug, posted by frida on January 28, 2007, at 20:48:04
frida,
I'm ok. Not really considering termination yet, but someday I think I will have to face it. I've been seeing my T for 10 years now. So I can relate to every word you wrote about you and your T. You do get really close to a T when you've shared so much and they've become so important in your life. I love my T also, with all my heart. We are very close and we can read each other's mind most the time. That's what lots of hard work can do. I don't know what I'd do without her because my life has had many hardships in it and continues to have major heartbreak. She helps me stay balanced and I need that.
I just thought I'd share about the book in case anyone is interested in it. I am, but only for future reference.
My T told me that even when she retires, which is probably over 10 years from now, that I can call her if I need to and just check in and she'd arrange for a meeting if I needed too. And she has assured me that if I do terminate and have a need to see her, she'll be available for me. That is so comforting to me. In the beginning she would tell me that once our therapy ended, that would be it.....no more communication. She has since changed her tune. I'm glad for that.LadyBug
Posted by 10derHeart on January 28, 2007, at 22:50:06
In reply to Termination Thoughts/Book, posted by LadyBug on January 28, 2007, at 20:18:26
That's ok, LadyBug, I'm pretty good at the links and helping with them satisfies some sort of OC urge for me, and it helps out Dr. Bob at the same time....so everyone wins?!! :-)
Here's the Amazon link:
"Good Goodbyes: Knowing how to End in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis"
Termination....<sigh>.....ugh :-( I can't think of it for very long. I guess I'd have to admit I love my T. on several levels. (I may have never said or written that anywhere before!!) And my T., well, he scares me about this for a weird reason. Which is that he always says not to worry about it, that it doesn't need to be any time soon, that the subject is "off the table," so that I'll never have to worry he's sick of me, thinks I'm wasting his time, not doing it "right," not progressing enough, or being "too well," to continue....all that stuff he knows I worry about sometimes. But it's weird, I'll ask him, "then how will you/we *know* when it IS time? Just when I quit crying immediately any time I even think of not seeing you?" And to this he sorta agrees, but sorta avoids...and I don't get it really. He seems so totally unconcerned. <shrug> Maybe it's time to bring it up again.
LB, have you and your T. discussed her views on it? Does she believe there must be a clean break....someday? Or is it more like with frida's T.? I really hate talking about it, but then I feel wrong and weird if I never do.
Posted by LadyBug on January 28, 2007, at 23:54:34
In reply to Re: Termination Thoughts/Book » LadyBug, posted by 10derHeart on January 28, 2007, at 22:50:06
Thanks so much for adding the link, I'm usually able to figure those things out without a problem?
We haven't really talked about termination lately, but we have in the past. I told her I wanted to start the termination process and she told me with the level of work that we've done it would probably take a year if I wanted it that way. She's told me she'd be there for me if I ever needed to return even if she's retired she told me I could call her and talk to her if I needed too. This is comforting to me. But I agree if it seems to painful to think about termination, then it's not the right time. At least that's what she's told me. I don't plan on doing anything about it soon, but after 10 years of being with her, I have to wonder how long we can go on? I guess as long as I have issues which seem to be endless. One thing after another. And I'm not ready to say goodbye to her. She helps me stay balanced.
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on January 29, 2007, at 0:01:23
In reply to Re: Termination Thoughts/Book » 10derHeart, posted by LadyBug on January 28, 2007, at 23:54:34
A wonderful thought that I read is in this book; in therapy we are trying to help our "emotional muscle" grow. I loved that idea. Because it's so true. We are working out our emotional muscle trying to become stronger where we are weak.
Another thought I read about is how therapy continues on in ourselves even when we have had a termination. We use what we learned and we use our T for a resource when we need too, (call them up in our minds). I know many of us do that now, in between our appointments. It's how therapy is supposed to work.
LadyBug
Posted by pegasus on January 30, 2007, at 9:09:55
In reply to Re: Termination Thoughts/Book, posted by LadyBug on January 29, 2007, at 0:01:23
Hi LadyBug,
Thanks for mentioning this book. I've been doing a lot of reading about therapy terminations, and I hadn't run across this one yet. It's funny, because when my old T was preparing to move to another state, he kept talking about how we could have a "Good Goodbye". I thought he was basically full of it. In that situation a good goodbye didn't seem possible to me.
In the other books I've read about termination, they all talk about the ideal therapy termination, where the client chooses to terminate because they've accomplished their goals for therapy. Then the client and T work on an extended process of terminating gracefully. Seems to me a fair number of therapies don't end that way, and no one has anything to say about that in the literature. I'll look forward to reading this book.
peg
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