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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on February 9, 2007, at 18:50:50
I been getting all weird.
I been settling myownself down.
I been making a fool of myself a time or two.
My T goes away at beginning of march, back mid april.
Its all screwed up, cuz I goto be OK.
I can do no work w/her, cuz I don't wanto stir stuff up.
And I am so glad for her to go and have fun.
And part of me is pissed.
And I don't need her anyhow.
She sorta said something bout when she away, but not much.
And I know she got some family hard stuff of her own right now.
And she getting ready for her trip on top of that.
And I trying to be good.
And i doing OK.
But inside I kinda churning.
And i'll do just fine.
And I saw her Tues, but not again till next Thurs. and WTF anyways. I don't see no point in going.
Cuz there's NOTHING she can do, cuz she leaving and she busy.
I think alls that can happen is I eitherr get mad, or do a flip, or just hide away cuz i know she leaving.
So why waste money.
We reading a book together.
But who cares.
I think I should lv a message that 'its been a slice, have a good trip'. And leave it at that.
Cuz going there will only hurt and accomplish NOTHING.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on February 9, 2007, at 20:23:21
In reply to And so, don't tell me to go, posted by muffled on February 9, 2007, at 18:50:50
I was trying to explain how a part felt and how it works and stuff. But WTF does it MEAN? WORDS. Whats the point of words when you don't understand? So why did I send this? What am I trying to communicate and WHY?????
It all means nothing. I am confused as to WTF T is supposed to do. Its all up to me. Its for me to make it go away. T is not magic. There is no magic. Why do I do this???
Toughie
*******
Curled up in a little ball.
Trying to hold onto that nugget of warmth.
Goto pee, goto pee.
CAN’T.
Don’t want to expose position, must remain still.
No movement.
Just breath little breaths.
Goto pee, goto pee, hurts.
Go pee, nugget of warmth gone, seeming safety gone.
Find safe spot.
Sit down.
High alert.
Nowhere is safe.
Can’t rock, must stay still.
Vigilant.This is Toughie. This is how she feels lotsa times.
And we have taken care of ourownselves a long time.
And mebbe what we want is to not be so alone.
But we scared.
Cuz really what we know,
Deep in our hearts,
Is that we ARE ultimately alone.
Completely and utterly alone.
Noone can touch us.
And we shrivell and are so sad with that knowledge.
And in the background Blossom howls.
Where is God?
And noone knows how to cry.
So inside we swirl with vomit.
And try and pretend everything is OK.
I trying so hard to be OK.
I supposed to comfort Bl but I run from her,
Intolerable. I don’t understand.
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 9, 2007, at 21:05:44
In reply to I sent this to T. WHATS the point?, posted by muffled on February 9, 2007, at 20:23:21
((((Muffled))))
I got a quote for you:
"I've come to realize that the real growth of character takes place in the valleys of life"
-Dave Dravecky
[it's the quote this week in my little planner organizer thingie]
This is an opportunity to grow, or to descend into difficulty. I think you will be amazed at how strong you are. Toughie seems up for the challenge. But not everything NEEDS to be a challenge. Get up and go to pee. close the door and turn on the faucet if it makes you feel less vulnerable. Take a magazine. or just sing to yourself.
Remember that you're only human. You've grown attached to this wonderful woman. She's grown attached to her wonderful Muffled. She likes you, and she wants you to feel safe with her.
Part of you is scared. I know you are. But you are a strong muffled. You are a mommy, and you have a strong streak of practicality in you too. When you're feeling a little more practical and a little less emotional, take some time to set up your supports. I'll help you get started
1) your doctor- pdockery can help with crises if they may arise
2) your diet- comfort foods, and nourishing foods to help you feed your soul.
3) your family- spend some extra time with them, and allow your little ones to play with your inner kids
4) psycho-babble- use us for distraction, for venting, for helping us. Allow us to help you too
5) distraction tools- I've taken up knitting. I also like long walks in sub-freezing temperature to help me snap out of a dissociation
6) a book or maybe many books
7) a stack of DVD's you can watch with or without your children
8) your husband- let him know that this is going to be a little rough, and that his muffled is going to need some extra tender care.
9) emails and bmails. you're NOT gross. you're NOT going to gross us out. I think you're a very clever muffled, and your writing is very original and cool. If you want to, send me a babble-mail to remind me to check up on you if I don't hear from you every few days. I don't wanna seem like a nag, though
10) worship. find a calm place in your heart by going to a place of worship and embracing some new ideas. Often we find new meanings in old words when we find ourselves in one of the "valleys of life".
your friend, who hasn't yet been grossed out by your person, your actions, or your words.-Ll
Posted by Gee on February 10, 2007, at 1:20:35
In reply to I sent this to T. WHATS the point?, posted by muffled on February 9, 2007, at 20:23:21
I really like what Lurpsie said. She just has a way of saying it all in such a nice compact way. So, listen to her. And the same goes for me with the bmails.
You're a survivor muff, and you will get through this. She can't be away anymore than 8 weeks at the most. And in the grand scheme of things, 8 weeks isn't that long. I find counting weeks makes time seem shorter and easier to get through.
Posted by Daisym on February 11, 2007, at 0:42:40
In reply to And so, don't tell me to go, posted by muffled on February 9, 2007, at 18:50:50
(((muffled)))
I always tell my therapist that I don't want to come and say good-bye when he goes away. I hate good-byes. But he always says that it is important and besides, it will just make it that much longer until we have time together again. I hate when he is right!
Try to use your time to just relax and feel her caring. You don't have to work on anything except knowing that she is coming back and you will carry her with you for the next 6 weeks. It *is* such a long time-- are you seeing her backup?
Let us know how it goes.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 11, 2007, at 7:38:45
In reply to Re: And so, don't tell me to go, posted by Daisym on February 11, 2007, at 0:42:40
Posted by muffled on February 11, 2007, at 12:31:05
In reply to Re: I sent this to T. WHATS the point? » muffled, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 9, 2007, at 21:05:44
> ((((Muffled))))
Thank you.
> "I've come to realize that the real growth of character takes place in the valleys of life"
> -Dave Draveckyyup
> I think you will be amazed at how strong you are. Toughie seems up for the challenge. But not everything NEEDS to be a challenge.I ALWAYS survive. ALWAYS. Interesting that third statement.....hmmmm
> Remember that you're only human. You've grown attached to this wonderful woman. She's grown attached to her wonderful Muffled. She likes you, and she wants you to feel safe with her.
dunno what the deal is w/her. Dunno if she truly gives a flying f*ck bout me. She SUPPOSED to show unconditional acceptance etc, its part of her TRAINING. Sometimes I wonder if its all some kinda big joke...
> Part of you is scared.hmmmmm, thems fighting words!!! Naw, I not hit me friends!
> 1) your doctor- pdockery can help with crises if they may arise
good thot. She always asks, I just don't quite trust her.
> 2) your diet- comfort foods, and nourishing foods to help you feed your soul.
yeah, gonna get me some vitamins
> 3) your family- spend some extra time with them, and allow your little ones to play with your inner kids
I already spend lotsa time w/kids, and make a fool of myself in public too...cuz my inside kid DOES come out and get a little crazy...
> 4) psycho-babble- use us for distraction, for venting, for helping us. Allow us to help you too
pros and cons to babble as we all know..
> 5) distraction tools- I've taken up knitting. I also like long walks in sub-freezing temperature to help me snap out of a dissociation
Goto clean up my disaster that is my life..
> 6) a book or maybe many books
> 7) a stack of DVD's you can watch with or without your childrenya, we don't have cable so we watch vidoes we get from library and rentals
> 8) your husband- let him know that this is going to be a little rough, and that his muffled is going to need some extra tender care.
sigh, I think he feels he carries me enuf already.
I don't cook. Won't 'do it' w/him. House is a mess.> 9) emails and bmails. you're NOT gross. you're NOT going to gross us out. I think you're a very clever muffled, and your writing is very original and cool. If you want to, send me a babble-mail to remind me to check up on you if I don't hear from you every few days. I don't wanna seem like a nag, though
thank you
> 10) worship. find a calm place in your heart by going to a place of worship and embracing some new ideas. Often we find new meanings in old words when we find ourselves in one of the "valleys of life".
I struggle w/worship and people these days.
> your friend, who hasn't yet been grossed out by your person, your actions, or your words.Thanks ((LL))
Muffled
Posted by muffled on February 11, 2007, at 12:37:54
In reply to Re: I sent this to T. WHATS the point? » muffled, posted by Gee on February 10, 2007, at 1:20:35
> I really like what Lurpsie said. She just has a way of saying it all in such a nice compact way. So, listen to her. And the same goes for me with the bmails.
thanks Gee. Ya, LL got good ideas.
>
> You're a survivor muff, and you will get through this. She can't be away anymore than 8 weeks at the most. And in the grand scheme of things, 8 weeks isn't that long. I find counting weeks makes time seem shorter and easier to get through.ya, i don't need her anyhow. I doing way lots better.
I will do OK.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by muffled on February 11, 2007, at 12:43:05
In reply to Re: And so, don't tell me to go, posted by Daisym on February 11, 2007, at 0:42:40
> (((muffled)))
thanks daisy.
> I always tell my therapist that I don't want to come and say good-bye when he goes away. I hate good-byes. But he always says that it is important and besides, it will just make it that much longer until we have time together again. I hate when he is right!I do not do good bye. I just leave. Ya guess he got a point. I think I would have max 3 more appts anyways.
>
> Try to use your time to just relax and feel her caring.hmmm. Interesting thot???????? never woulda thot of that in a thousand years????? Dunno. Sounds pleasant. Mebbe dangerous though.
>You don't have to work on anything except knowing that she is coming back and you will carry her with you for the next 6 weeks. It *is* such a long time-- are you seeing her backup?
Dunno wassup. She mumbled something bout collegue? I dunno.
> Let us know how it goes.
Ya.
Sucks.
Thx Daisy,
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by muffled on February 11, 2007, at 12:43:59
In reply to ((((((muffly))))))(((((hugs)))))) (nm), posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 11, 2007, at 7:38:45
This is the end of the thread.
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