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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by nychick on February 22, 2007, at 10:38:24
Hi there! Some time about 3 or 4 weeks ago I posted about my emerging feelings for my couples therapist. I wanted to post an update and get some feedback...
RECAP: My man and I of 7 years are getting married in 7 months and we wanted to do some couples counseling before we "took the plunge" just to cover all angles of self awareness and to work out any issues "just in case!" Well, we landed in a University program with a counselor in training (she will have her phd in May, when our therapy ends) We have been in session now as a couple for about 11 weeks. It is going well and we are working very hard to tie up loose ends etc, and it has been successful, we also enjoy learning about ourselves and look forward to going every friday. Well, about half way into all this, my man and I started to feel affection for our therapists who we will call "S." She is our age, similar to us in personality, very sweet, and very cute. (in a non traditional way) She does NOT share much self disclosure so the NET sleuth that I am, took matters into my own hands and googled her every which way to learn more about this girl. Now let's just say I know A TON of things about her now just by doing a few free internet searches on her life! I also happened to stumble upon her wedding website and it turns out she is recently engaged as well, JUST LIKE US! Always the professional, of course she keeps the focus on us and doesn't talk about her life much, but she does share tiny snippets about herself before and after session as we are either starting/closing. She makes little jokes that hint to us she indeed really likes us too. NO, we aren't looking for a threesome here because it would never happen, but after our therapy is finished, I would really like to be friends with her in some form, even though it isn't most likely "allowed." When we asked her if she would like to come to our wedding, her eyes lit up and she was like "I would LOVE to!" Which we thought was endearing. She also admitted last week after being VERY unnecessarily hard on me regarding a particular subject, that she really likes us a lot and that it is tough for her to not see us as fellow peers whom she would like to just be able to grab a bite with after session. I thought that was sweet. I also made a joke about let there not be any transference here, and she admitted there was a little of that going on with her on her end, which I thought was HOT HOT HOT!! Now, I am a straight girl, always have been, let's say a strict sausagarian. But in the panic of oh my God, I am getting married this year, I had been having thoughts since BEFORE WE STARTED THERAPY, "what if? what am I missing out on, did I do everything I wanted to do as a singleton, etc etc..." And one of those questions was "I have never been or even kissed a woman before, I think I may like to try that someday" and now its too late, <panic!> I kept the thoughts to myself for the last 6 months, until I started feeling my first genuine attraction to a woman: our therapist! And just 4 weeks ago!! I thought through it in my head and shared my feelings/thoughts on it with one friend who I knew would not judge me and she said it was quite normal. I have also posted this situation on a few boards like this to get common feedback. How do I deal with these feelings? How can you talk to your therapist about feelings for your therapist? It sounds crazy! Well, the first thing I did was sit my man down about 3 weeks ago and we had a very, long, intimate, and kind of hot chat about my bi curiosities (aside from "S") and I also did not mention that she had anything to do with my bi-ness. But we discussed the situation thru and thru and bottom line is he is very supportive of me in every way, whether I want to try messing around with women or not. I told him that if it did get sexual with a woman that he could be there in the room, at least, watching. He was VERY happy with that, but I also told him not to get all excited about something that may also NEVER happen...because this could just be some mental fantastical phase I am going thru, or maybe it is just feelings for "S" and NOT women in general, or perhaps my feelings for "S" will transfer back to to other women, or just my man where they belong. I don't know. But as it stands, my man is so awesome for being so open and kind with me on the subject and that makes me love him more. On the same token, ALL week long I OVERLY look forward to friday therapy when I can see and interact with "S". I don't think I can or will ever tell her about my little crush, as it would really invade a lot of situations. I also don't think she has enough experience in bi/homo sexuality issues yet and how to handle them. Last week I divulged my curiosity briefly and she changed the subject all together and didn't say a word about it! Which I thought was odd. My partner said he watched her body language very closely while I was mentioning it and he said she was squirming all over the couch and flipping her hair, etc. lol. Anyhow, I will be talking more about in session tomorrow friday, it will be VERY interesting to see where she goes with this subject and how we will work this thru as a couple with her guidance!! :) Anyone want to know what happens? If so I will keep posting updates. Thanks so much for reading all this! Look forward to making new friends here! NY CHCIK
Posted by Jo U.K on February 22, 2007, at 11:47:57
In reply to I still have a crush on my same sex therapist HELP, posted by nychick on February 22, 2007, at 10:38:24
Wow NYC, you have a great man there!
You know, the trouble with being married (I've been with my bloke for nearly 17 years and married for 5), is that you dont just stop finding other people attractive. So the fact that you can be so open with each other is a huge bonus. I wonder if it's possible to get your interest in women 'out of your system' as there's no guarantee that once you've done it you'll never want to do it again.
I've found that one of the hard things about being wed is ensuring you dont overstep the line. Where that line is drawn is for you and your husband to decide.
Let us know what happens........
Best wishes
Jo
Posted by scentedgarden on February 22, 2007, at 13:13:05
In reply to I still have a crush on my same sex therapist HELP, posted by nychick on February 22, 2007, at 10:38:24
*NYchick*... ive read ur post with interest... as I'm a woman with a transference thing going on with my Therapist... - I'm glad u posted, and I'M VERY INTERESTED TO HEAR IN HOW THE NEXT APPT SESSION GOES..!!! -Welcome to Babble..Im sure loadz of people will also welcome you..as this is a cool website where people genuinely care and share good stuff, good advice, and are very freindly like in a supportive way... -Sorry i cant add much to your thread, im just happy to read...as i've got lots on my plate at the mo... but if you want to check out any of the things ive felt for my same sex therapist im sure you will find them without any trouble on here...as ivre posted tons about my feelings for her, and what i wanted to do to her... -Sorry to say now i feel sick... as its all heading in a bad way... and i love her mare than i can say..so that makes me a fecked up loser...!!! -How could i ??...hurt her if i love her..??? sorry if ive hi-jakced ur post!!! ...I apologise profusely!!...good luck at your next session, and i will hopefully read your post again soon... and hopefully i will ahve some good news to share about my situation...as i dont really want to hurt her...i just want it all to end well...for you and for me - God bless you...!!! scentedgarden
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