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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Paxo on May 4, 2007, at 17:13:34
I have been feeling extremely hopeless about my prospects of ever having a normal social life. I am just about finished with my first semester in college away from home and I feel I haven't made much, if any progress with my social skills.
I've always been a quiet person, and starting in middle school I became more and more isolated from my peers. I had maybe 1 or 2 friends from then on and into high school. 10th grade I started feeling depressed and was prescribed many different medications. I switched schools my junior year, thinking the people at the previous school were just stuck up. I realized I was wrong, and it was just something about me that kept me from making friends. I basically lost all my motivation for everything, barely making it through my senior year in high school. I decided to stay at home and go to the local community college while I try to figure things out. But instead of working anything out, I would just ignore my problems and play the computer or sleep all day. After two years at the community college I decided to go to the state university and this is where I am now.
Right before leaving home I saw a pdoc. I figured my problem was social anxiety, so I tried the Klonopin and Provigil combo. It helped a little, but I still wasn't making friends at the university. Even with the anxiety removed, I just don't know what to say in conversations. I feel my social development is so far behind everyone else, and I just get overcome with feelings of inferiority.
I try to never turn down any chance to do something social, and the other night a girl on my floor asked me if I wanted to hang out at her friends apartment. I ended up smoking pot there and it seemed like all my problems I've been trying to ignore surfaced. I've smoked before, and only a few ocassions has the high been pleasurable. I always think, "maybe this time it will be different", but it rarely is. When I'm high I feel like I get insights, very depressing ones. Such that I have no freewill, that my social akwardness and lack of skill in conversation is permanent. When I'm high it is so difficult for me to speak, I become extremely self-conscious as my voice seems to tremble. And I feel so inferior to everyone else as they carry on conversation and I'm just sitting there staring at the table.
I just don't know what to do, I can't go on feeling so alienated. I started seeing a therapist, and she suggested cognitive behavior therapy. It sounds interesting, and I'm definitely looking for some kind of social practice program. Maybe I should try medication again?
Sorry for the long, rambling post. I'm just trying to figure out exactly what my problem is, why I have trouble expressing myself and relating to others. Anyone else ever feel the same way?
Paxo
Posted by canadagirl on May 4, 2007, at 18:25:11
In reply to Feeling Hopeless, posted by Paxo on May 4, 2007, at 17:13:34
You know, I'm going to come across as a mom here (and my kids are still in elementary school) but the school years including college and graduate work, are really tough sometimes, the ages of finding yourself, of discovering who you really are and having to fit in with the crowd in a structured kind of environment all seems to work against us sometimes.
Sometimes it's good to reach out in a different way..you know, instead of hanging out, maybe doing something for others (maybe even forcing ourselves to do it sometimes) giving some of our time to a cause we are interested in, a charitable organization, the environment, tutoring computer classes, whatever, etc. That does help us feel more included in life sometimes and get to know others out of our own regular sphere. Just a suggestion. I understand it's hard.
Posted by Poet on May 4, 2007, at 18:25:14
In reply to Feeling Hopeless, posted by Paxo on May 4, 2007, at 17:13:34
Hi Paxo,
Welcome to Babble.
I have social anxiety and I understand what it's like to want to be involved in something, but at the same time be scared out of my mind. Meds have helped me, therapy has helped me.
Also understanding myself a little better has helped: I don't like crowds, I don't like noise, and I'm only comfortable with a small group of friends who I have things in common with. If I can talk about movies I'm in my element and I stay within that element.
What are things that you feel comfortable doing or talking about? Music? Movies? As a writing instructor once told me, write what you know, well I've adapted it to talk about what I know.
Meds wise, I just started on Lexapro more for anxiety than depression. I take Clonazepam when my anxiety really is high and I take Seroquel to sleep. I've been in therapy for 4 1/2 years and it has helped my anxiety and depression. Lately we've been working on reframing my negative thoughts. Talk about hard work!
Good luck.
Poet
Posted by canadagirl on May 4, 2007, at 19:57:50
In reply to Re: Feeling Hopeless » Paxo, posted by Poet on May 4, 2007, at 18:25:14
And forgive me if I sound like Little Mary Sunshine. LOL
I know it must be a difficult situation for you.
Posted by muffled on May 4, 2007, at 23:52:56
In reply to Feeling Hopeless, posted by Paxo on May 4, 2007, at 17:13:34
Hi Paxo, welcome to babble.
You write a good post.
I think you will find yourself quite at home here!
I think CBT is good stuff, I find it hard to figger, but if you get a good patient T they can help you thru it. It has helped me.
T is good, and if you need meds as well there's nothing wrong with that.
Mebbe once you find a T you can discuss these things w/him/her.
There is a board here, psycho-babble that deals more with meds specifically.
And just to be social theres social, and to keep up with stuff admninistratively(and if you want to torture yourself!) there's admin.
Look forward to hearing more from you.
Muffled
Posted by DisTraught on May 5, 2007, at 5:36:37
In reply to Feeling Hopeless, posted by Paxo on May 4, 2007, at 17:13:34
Hi, Paxo
Sorry to hear you feel cut off (which is quite normal during a depression anyway). Your pdoc's suggestion for seeing a Cognitive shrink sounds very good.If you can manage, go ahead and see what it has to offer.Penny
This is the end of the thread.
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