![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by anneofkana on May 5, 2007, at 10:25:46
I have been married for 17 years and have never cheated. I did have a strong emotional affair one time and a few flirtatious encounters, but nothing on a serious nature.
I went to see t for issues in my family. I am not depressed or suicidal at all. I too am a mental health professional and realized that I needed some help.
After spending some time with him in therapy I felt like he didn't like me. I addressed this with him. He was cool and distant, much like my bio father, whom I have not seen in years. I gave t a small gift once, to break the ice and get some approval. He almost humiliated me about it, which made me seek his approval even more.
I have been through extensive intensive therapy and felt like "my" issues were resolved. Apparently not. My dh picked up on something and slipped a bugging device in my handbag. After listning to a few sessions he realized that I was very attracted to t. There was a lot of eye contact between me and t. I told him I was attracted to him and he told me he felt the same but that he was terrified of losing his liscence. A real concern in this day and time we live in. I asked him for hugs at the end of our session and they became more lingering with stroking and a brief kiss a few times.
T and I talked about it and decided that I should stay away for awhile. He didn't address the transference stuff, really. I went back after about 3 weeks. I could not stay away from him. I was becoming more obsessed with conquering him and getting his approval. I began to write him erotic poems, reading them to him during session and enjoying his trying to hide getting turned on by them. He would look at me and say, I feel the same way, you know I do, but I am terrified of the ramifications.
DH pressured me into discontinueing my sessions. I continued contact with t by phone and email. He agreed to meet me one night to discuss my feelings for him. We both had too much to drink and....... the rest is history.
I talk with him via telephone 2-3 times per week and email him the same. We meet every couple of weeks or so, when ever we can. I feel like he is a drug to me and I can't stop. I also love him even though I love my DH very much. It is all so crazy.
I don't see him anymore professionally. I do know that all of this stems from my own erotic transference stuff and his erotic countertransferece. I also know that there are some needs that we are both meeting for each other. He is not happily married, stays for the kids and material things. On the other hand, I love my husband and stay because I love him and don't want to destroy the family unit. I must admit I have thought about what it would be like to leave DH and live with t.
I am a mess and don't feel safe to go to another t to discuss it.
I have thought about leaving the city for awhile until I can get myself un-addicted, if that is a word.If my marriage was great this would not have happenend and I am having to come to terms with that too.
Please give me some feedback, I am in a deep forrest and can't see anything but trees.
I do love t and love the sex.. I know this is a bad scenerio and to make matters worse I have become friends with his wife over the past several months. I can't blame t, he is after all just a man and a human being. I don't want to see him hurt or his family.
I do want to get my life in order and be healthy. I also feel very bad about betraying my dh, who is such a wonderful man and good father. I feel bad about betraying my friendship with t's wife, who I like very much. I have gone against my beliefs, my faith, my principals and my own sence of integrity.
The only positive thing that has come out of this for me is that I am now a much less judgemental person, accepting my own failures and brokenness. I look at people in addictions much differenct, with more compassion and a deep knowing that they too are people with fractured souls in need of healing.
Posted by muffled on May 5, 2007, at 11:17:29
In reply to Having an affair with my therapist......, posted by anneofkana on May 5, 2007, at 10:25:46
Hi, welcome to babble anneofK.
You wrote a beautiful post.
I think your bang on with alot of stuff from what you have said.
I am alcoholic(dry). One of the tricks of addiction is all the BS excuses we tell ourselves to get the next binge going. Like I HAVE to, I can't stand living w/o, I can't survive, just one last time, I'll be careful, I won't screw up, nothing will happen etc etc etc.
One of the best things that helps keep me dry is to remember the bad stuff that happened. I hope there will be no bad stuff for you. That you can stop, that you don't have to destroy what you have and hurt your family terribly to make you come to your senses.....
Maybe you could make a list of pros and cons, and consult it whenever you feel weak....write out the terrible hurt that would result to so many that you love. Do you want to hurt them this way?????? Visualize it in your mind. Take time to realize that pain would be so real and hurtful. Is all this worth it??? REALLY??(remember, ignore the lies that your mind will try and tell you).
Try and find some alternate coping strategies to help you thru the rough times.You can make a list to consult of those too, so when your not thinking clearly you can consult list. Do you have a trusted friend you can turn to for help? Or clergy, or T? Do not be ashamed, stuff like this happens, but you are in a position to stop this.
You CAN stop this. You just have to REALLY want to. You need to look at the ramifications.
I hope things go OK for you I really do.
Babble is a good place, but keep in mind this is a sensitive topic and we are dealing with real people here. Some of who are hurting badly. So I think you will get some good feedback, there's alot of smart people here. Remember to actually read the rules here! LOL! I didn't at first and got blocked! Ouch. Oh well,
Best to you,
Muffled
Posted by Happyflower on May 5, 2007, at 14:55:27
In reply to Having an affair with my therapist......, posted by anneofkana on May 5, 2007, at 10:25:46
Welcome to babble Anne, I hope you will like it when you get to know everyone.
THe only thing I know is that you are not alone with your situation. Their are even other babblers that have the same situation, some good situations and bad ones. My T even knows of many that have done it too in college and out of
college. It isn't rare, even if it goes against the rules. My T and I are probably in the begining stages of it , but I won't go into that on this site.The one thing about your DH , he could get angry and turn your T if he finds out about the affair. Even if you no longer see him professionally, he can still get into a lot of trouble, but I am sure you know that since you are in the field too. Actually anyone can turn him in, even his wife. You never know what an angry spouse would do or a friend trying to help you. That is why I am not talking about my situation, at least that part of it,
it anymore on this site, you never know what might happen or what people might do.I think you know your options, but there are no easy options. Is there more to your relationship other than attraction or physical stuff or is their emotional stuff too?
I am actually glad you posted, because it shows that T's are human too, and just because there are rules, they sometimes are not followed. I am a little surprised that your T acted on it, especially knowing you are in the same field, that sure was bold. But do I believe there can be true feelings both ways, and yes it can happen. My T always said that you can't help who you fall in love with. ;-)
Best wishes to you, I hope you post more, because I find it helpful since I can relate to a lot of it.
Thanks,
Happyflower
Posted by anneofkana on May 5, 2007, at 17:33:19
In reply to Having an affair with my therapist......, posted by anneofkana on May 5, 2007, at 10:25:46
Posted by DisTraught on May 7, 2007, at 9:07:37
In reply to Having an affair with my therapist......, posted by anneofkana on May 5, 2007, at 10:25:46
I empathise with you, especially having been there myself. But I recently read in Jeffrey Young's book Reinventing Your Life that :"Avoid inappropriate "chemistry" in therapy that might be generated by your lifetraps.If you have a defectiveness liftrap, you'll feel a lot of attraction to a critical, "superior" therapist even though this is destructive to you."
That made a tremendous amount of sense to me, right on the spot! I wish you well and hope that the feelings will reside, or as it is written:"This too, will pass."
Penny
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.