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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on May 7, 2007, at 22:36:03
I am so tired of this. I felt so confident for a whole week this past week, and like I really could handle my life and things have been moving in a positive direction in therapy. But now I feel like I'm going backwards. I got angry this week and expressed it instead of bottling it up, which is kind of a first for me. I also have made some huge insights about how I interact with people - I realized someone in my group reminded me of my mother based on a reaction I had to something she said/did. I just have been moving forward in leaps and bounds in the past two sessions. But tonight I feel so sad and back in the little girl part that thinks that being angry is bad and something bad's going to happen to me.
My T is so nice to me, and he keeps saying that that's because there's no reason not to be. I really feel like he's been in tune with me the past couple sessions. Except that I feel so fragile and I wish he could save me. I don't know how to sit with and tolerate my feelings. I'm trying so hard.
This post is rambling. I just don't know how to put the little girl part aside and go back to feeling confident. I liked that feeling. My T says it's my defenses coming back trying to pull me into the sadness because it's what I've always known and I have to try to put it aside if I can after I acknowledge it. I just don't know how.
This is all a big jumble of thoughts, but if you made any sense out of it or want to post something that might help me feel free. I feel really vulnerable and need all the help I can get.
sunnydays
Posted by Daisym on May 7, 2007, at 23:41:10
In reply to inconsistency in my moods, posted by sunnydays on May 7, 2007, at 22:36:03
Sunny,
I think it is so great that you've found some strength and inner peace that is serving you well as you face anger and other kinds of scary emotions. You want it to last ALL the time...but I don't think that is possible for anyone. Everyone feels sad, gloomy, upset and other things from time-to-time. I think for those of us who are working on all these hard issues we forget that. We see all our negative moods as pathology that must be stamped out. Any respite from the pressing fog feels so good and is so novel, that we want to embrace it, hold it tight and never, ever let go.
But moods are aptly named. They change and morph, sometimes in minutes.
You can't control the fog - it drops in and settles on everything. But it also lifts and blows out again. No mood is permanent. More and more you will notice shifting out of a good mood as different, instead of shifting into it as different.
You are still fragile and doing such hard work. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up so much. Comfort that little girl who misses her therapist and needs protection. She didn't get sad overnight, it will take a while to undo this.
Posted by peddidle on May 7, 2007, at 23:55:34
In reply to inconsistency in my moods, posted by sunnydays on May 7, 2007, at 22:36:03
I am not in the best state of mind right now either, so I don't know how much help I can be, but I wanted to respond because I am dealing with similar issues about sitting with my feelings.
I haven't been working on sitting with my feelings for very long, so I don't really know sure which of my T's suggestions work and what do not. I think these things are geared more towards obsessional thoughts, but maybe they'll work for you. When I recognize that I am having a bad thought, my T has told me to literally picture the word "STOP," and then switch my attention to something else, like TV, sudoku, a magazine, etc. She has also told me to try to recognize the difference between my own thoughts, and the obsessional thoughts (if that makes any sense), and to then detach myself as much as possible from the obsessional thoughts.
As far as wondering why your T is so nice to you, I wonder the same thing about my own T. Sometimes I feel like she thinks less of me when I tell her certain things, or that she'll think "wow, I thought you were somewhat normal, but I guess you really are crazy." I know it's irrational, and I know she's never run out of the room screaming after I've revealed something to her. I guess we just have to get past our own insecurities and trust that our T's tell us exactly how they feel, and that they don't hold any silent judgment in their heads.
I also get really discouraged when I've been doing well, and then all of a sudden, feel like I'm going backwards. Obviously I don't like feeling bad in the first place, but I also feel like I'm somehow disappointing my T. I have to constantly remind myself that psychology, by nature, is very inconsistent and unpredictable, and that "going backwards" doesn't necessarily mean that therapy isn't working, or that my T is thinking that she isn't helping me.
I hope I was able to help a little bit. Take care!
Posted by gazo on May 8, 2007, at 8:15:55
In reply to Re: inconsistency in my moods, posted by peddidle on May 7, 2007, at 23:55:34
i thinking going "backwards" is not only natural, it is a good sign.. like daisy said about fog settling and lifting.. it's like waves on the shore you know? when a wave recedes we don't think it's gone forever... having the movement back and forth means there is movement. hang on and be good to yourselves
Posted by muffled on May 8, 2007, at 9:15:18
In reply to inconsistency in my moods, posted by sunnydays on May 7, 2007, at 22:36:03
Sigh. Me too SD. Sometimes I am SO well adjusted. Its so great while it lasts. Then I make some progress, freak myself out entirely, and it all falls apart.
However, as my t said, it IS so great to know that I have it within me to function so well for periods of time. And hopefully those times will become more frequent and last longer........so supposedly I am doing good things....
But right now I am in shut down fear mode.
T sucks.
But it IS working.
At least it is and thats SO huge.
Take care SD. Sounds like you getting there too.
LOL! One day we will meet, a coupla well adjusted ladies!!!
More of the time anyhow!
Ha!
Muffled
Posted by sunnydays on May 8, 2007, at 18:53:35
In reply to Re: inconsistency in my moods » sunnydays, posted by Daisym on May 7, 2007, at 23:41:10
> Sunny,
>
> I think it is so great that you've found some strength and inner peace that is serving you well as you face anger and other kinds of scary emotions. You want it to last ALL the time...but I don't think that is possible for anyone. Everyone feels sad, gloomy, upset and other things from time-to-time. I think for those of us who are working on all these hard issues we forget that. We see all our negative moods as pathology that must be stamped out. Any respite from the pressing fog feels so good and is so novel, that we want to embrace it, hold it tight and never, ever let go.**** Exactly. I kick myself every time I start feeling bad, because there must be something I'm doing wrong not to feel good all the time. I think it must mean something is horribly wrong with me. But my T tells me it's perfectly understandable.
>
> But moods are aptly named. They change and morph, sometimes in minutes.
>*** Really? For everyone? Because it seems like a lot of people sort of feel the same a lot of the time, but I seem to shift a lot. Maybe I just pay attention to it more.
> You can't control the fog - it drops in and settles on everything. But it also lifts and blows out again. No mood is permanent. More and more you will notice shifting out of a good mood as different, instead of shifting into it as different.
**** Yeah. Although I guess my T and I are working on getting me to be able to control the fog a little more, being able to get it to leave a little sooner rather than just sinking into it. It's so hard, though, and I can't say I've managed it yet.
>
> You are still fragile and doing such hard work. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up so much. Comfort that little girl who misses her therapist and needs protection. She didn't get sad overnight, it will take a while to undo this.
>**** I wish I could do this. I want to so bad, but I can't stop being so critical of myself. I think I should be able to pull out of this so much more quickly than I am. It's all obvious stuff, I just can't seem to make myself believe it. Thanks for replying Daisy.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on May 8, 2007, at 18:57:29
In reply to Re: inconsistency in my moods, posted by peddidle on May 7, 2007, at 23:55:34
> I am not in the best state of mind right now either, so I don't know how much help I can be, but I wanted to respond because I am dealing with similar issues about sitting with my feelings.
**** Thanks for making the effort to respond to me.
>
When I recognize that I am having a bad thought, my T has told me to literally picture the word "STOP," and then switch my attention to something else, like TV, sudoku, a magazine, etc. She has also told me to try to recognize the difference between my own thoughts, and the obsessional thoughts (if that makes any sense), and to then detach myself as much as possible from the obsessional thoughts.**** I think that might be a little harsh for me. Telling myself stop would feel like I was yelling at myself, I think, and that might upset me more. But I have heard of that technique before.
>
I guess we just have to get past our own insecurities and trust that our T's tell us exactly how they feel, and that they don't hold any silent judgment in their heads.*** Yeah, and isn't it hard, even when they tell us explicitly that we're wrong and they really don't think anything bad about us at all?
>
> I also get really discouraged when I've been doing well, and then all of a sudden, feel like I'm going backwards. Obviously I don't like feeling bad in the first place, but I also feel like I'm somehow disappointing my T. I have to constantly remind myself that psychology, by nature, is very inconsistent and unpredictable, and that "going backwards" doesn't necessarily mean that therapy isn't working, or that my T is thinking that she isn't helping me.
>*** Yeah. My T is so much better at finding the positive than me. And he never thinks I'm going backwards. He always sees it as a plateau, not as a dip - I've learned something in the in-between that stuck with me, even if I can't access it right then. And I know he's right about that too.
> I hope I was able to help a little bit. Take care!
*** Thanks!
Posted by sunnydays on May 8, 2007, at 18:58:18
In reply to Re: sunny + pediddle, posted by gazo on May 8, 2007, at 8:15:55
> i thinking going "backwards" is not only natural, it is a good sign.. like daisy said about fog settling and lifting.. it's like waves on the shore you know? when a wave recedes we don't think it's gone forever... having the movement back and forth means there is movement. hang on and be good to yourselves
**** Yeah, it's like I said in my post to pediddle. I guess it's not really a dip, but a plateau. But I just want to go up and up forever!
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on May 8, 2007, at 18:59:58
In reply to Re: inconsistency in my moods » sunnydays, posted by muffled on May 8, 2007, at 9:15:18
> However, as my t said, it IS so great to know that I have it within me to function so well for periods of time. And hopefully those times will become more frequent and last longer........so supposedly I am doing good things....
**** Yeah, I guess that's the idea of therapy. I just wish it could be faster. Sigh...
> But right now I am in shut down fear mode.
> T sucks.
> But it IS working.
> At least it is and thats SO huge.**** That's so good that you can see that even if you are in shut down mode. I hope you can trust your T and talk to her about why you got afraid.
> Take care SD. Sounds like you getting there too.
> LOL! One day we will meet, a coupla well adjusted ladies!!!
> More of the time anyhow!
> Ha!**** Thanks muffled. You're a dear.
sunnydays
Posted by antigua on May 9, 2007, at 11:47:26
In reply to inconsistency in my moods, posted by sunnydays on May 7, 2007, at 22:36:03
My hynotist suggested once that when I get overcome by anxiety or feel like I'm being pulled downward, to SING outloud. It requires a whole different set of breathing, etc. and as silly as it sounds, it works for me (when I remember to do it!)
antigua
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