![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by peddidle on May 8, 2007, at 18:36:37
I decided to make a new thread, so as not to distract attention from sunnydays' topic. I think the whole "going backwards" issue deserves it's own thread anyway. Also, thanks for the reassurance gazo, it was especially needed today.
My T told me that she feels like if I keep getting worse, that maybe she is "blowing it here". That one statement made me feel terrible. I know what she meant, and I think she was just feeding off my own frustration and stuff, but it still felt like I'd let her down. I may be getting worse, but I have never felt so comfortable with a therapist in my life. It's like I feel comfortable enough to allow myself to show her when I'm getting worse. I wish I had the courage to tell her that, because I think that, in and of itself, is improvement.
Oh, no, now I'm feeling all sentimental... Who knows, I may end up sending her an email later tonight about that (I hate how it's easier for me to communicate through email).
On some level though, I feel like I may be either making myself worse, or pretending like I'm worse. Today was my last session until late August/early September... my T isn't thrilled about me not being in therapy all summer, so I agreed to set-up a weekly phone call with her. I'm glad I'll still be in touch with her on a regular basis over the summer, but I can't help but feel like maybe, subconsciously, I manipulated her into it. I did something kind of bad to myself a few times, and I told her I didn't know why I did it. After asking about several different reasons why I might have done it, she asked me if I did it to freak her out before I left for the summer. Of course, I told her I didn't, but I truly believe that that's not why I did it. I have to admit though, it felt kind of good in a strange way when she had difficulty finding the exactly the right words to tell me that she would be completely devastated if anything happened to me. Even though she's said it several times before, it just felt good to know that she genuinely cares about me, and that I'm not just another client on her list.
Posted by gazo on May 8, 2007, at 18:54:35
In reply to going backwards- gazo and sunnydays, posted by peddidle on May 8, 2007, at 18:36:37
you really should write that email.. it's an important insight for you. It's also ok to acknowledge that whether deliberate or not, "screaming" louder to get the emotional attention you need is a natural reaction... or at least it was for me. Explore the how and why.. let her help you with it.
i am glad you will have this connection over the summer.
much love and peace
Posted by peddidle on May 10, 2007, at 15:42:57
In reply to Re: going backwards- gazo and sunnydays » peddidle, posted by gazo on May 8, 2007, at 18:54:35
Thank you so much for your support. I had to email her anyway, so I also told her that "I realized something kind of suprising/interesting/slightly unsettling/weird" while I was thinking about something she said that day. I know she loves my cryptic emails. :P
She wrote back: "Of course I want to know what you realized....I assume it is more likely that you will tell me over email than in person. So spill the beans!"
I wrote back and told her that, actually, this time she assumed wrong. I want to tell her in person, but realistically, that probably won't happen because, as she knows, I'm better at "show" than "tell." I think I really confused her, because she wrote back saying that I could still explain what the visual would be.
So, anyway, I've been trying to perfect this email for two days-- well, not "perfect", exactly, but just make sure it sounds the way I want it to. I thought about maybe sending it and asking her to read it while we're on the phone. I don't know, it's just the kind of thing that I want to be with her (or, at least on the phone with her) while she hears/reads it. I guess I could send her a different email telling her that. haha
I didn't realize that "screaming" louder to get what I need is a natural reaction, but it makes sense. Obviously I can't understand it alone, but mabye telling her all of this will help me to let her in a little more, and let her help me figure out the "how" and "why".
side note: my T just walked by when I was writing this. That means that she left for the day without responding to my email about setting up a time to call her. Hmmm.... I hope she didn't read it, plan on figuring it out later, and then forget about it...
Posted by peddidle on May 11, 2007, at 23:47:56
In reply to going backwards- gazo and sunnydays, posted by peddidle on May 8, 2007, at 18:36:37
I mentioned gazo and sunnydays, specifically, because this is sort of an off-shoot of a discussion from another thread, but I would appreciate anyone's input.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.