![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on May 9, 2007, at 13:58:33
So, in my last session, we talked again about the same things. We talked a little about how I reacted to certain events, which showed even me that I was already primed to go straight to shame by the time I was five years old. (Earlier, but the specfic memory was from about 4 and a half.)
For some of it, I asked and my T answered -- I love that she will give me straight answers, and not just ask something back. Turns out, the things that I felt shame and guilt over, for not being "a big girl" and "making my mother do too much for me," were actually age appropriate. Children of that age don't do those things for themselves. (Cryptic, I guess -- it was my mother's boyfriend saying I needed to be a big girl and get myself a glass of milk, so nothing life-changing. Except that apparently that's not something 4 year olds are expected to do for themselves. I felt ashamed of being spoiled, a baby, and inappropriately dependant on my mother, because of what that man said.) So, getting some objective feedback, from a woman with two kids, helped a little. Although I'm still experiencing some of the guilt and shame, at least now I can get a little more perspective on it.
And even a little more perspective on the whole dynamic, since I know that man didn't like children, and that it affected my mother's interactions with me. She was insecure, and felt as though she had to take what was offered her, and do whatever was necessary to hold on to a man. And I was secondary to that, partly because I was only an extension of her anyway.
The good news from that session is that I didn't break. At the end, I even felt a little comforted, in a weird sort of way. I'm not sure I can quite put my finger on what it felt like, but it was good -- despite how painful it was.
And I felt very, very brave for even attempting it.
Thanks for reading.
Posted by gazo on May 9, 2007, at 14:40:13
In reply to The Next Installment, posted by Racer on May 9, 2007, at 13:58:33
very brave.. this is a milestone is it not?
Posted by Honore on May 9, 2007, at 16:26:21
In reply to The Next Installment, posted by Racer on May 9, 2007, at 13:58:33
It's funny, though, how we remember tiny bits and pieces of things, and somehow, even when they're very trivial sounding, they carry tremendous meaning.
I think whatever the boyfriend said, and you felt, was something that had happened many times before and after, and was a repetitive experience that somehow got stored or recalled through the eyeglass of that one quick recollection.
It is a new step to be able to talk so much more freely and without being mired down in the feeling itself-- about such awful old experiences, that are carried with great authority into our lives. It only comes after a lot of work and growth, so it is great!
But I know with myself, I tend to fall back into thinking-- but that was such a minor event-- you much have been exaggerating, making it up-- to think that one little comment about a glass of milk should be so bad. That's why I wanted to say that I'm sure it's not a single comment, but countless comments, and experiences full of unrealistic expectations, and criticisms that must be behind the way it affected you.
I'm so glad you had such a better appointment, and are keeping going in working on such difficult emotions.
Posted by madeline on May 9, 2007, at 16:33:14
In reply to The Next Installment, posted by Racer on May 9, 2007, at 13:58:33
Hey - that's wonderful Racer. Not that you are having to go through this right now, but that you are willing to go through it.
I'm also glad you can feel comforted when talking about it.
This is tough stuff, but you are the woman to do deal with it.
Madeline
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.