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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on May 11, 2007, at 22:56:31
But I can't quite put a finger on it...frustrating. This is from my journal:
I wrote bout someone struggling...
I thinking. I don't struggle. Or do I? What a strange thot.....I wouldn't have said I struggled...maybe I am mentally a little FU, but not struggle...weird.
Like T say last session, she say it was hard......hard? I don't understand that. It was not hard. There was some discomfort perhaps, but not much. It passed. Hard? No.
I feel there is something I supposed to see here...something I not getting....
Like I would not say my life has been hard, but I would say I have HAD struggles......this is weird. I do not struggle yet I have had struggles....
But no hardness. Sigh. I dunno what I'm missing here, maybe one day I will figure it out.
Maybe its got to do w/the fact that all my difficulties in life are my own fault. I hurt myself w/my drinking. My mental health is my body, which I am responsible for. So maybe thats why struggles don't fit. Cuz struggles sounds like a cop out, I don't struggle, I get what i deserve by my own genetics and stupidness. Maybe thats it.
And if That Kid gets weird feelings, and if its history is of me? then the feelings are not really valid, as they are deserved. They should not make me feel sad or pity that kid, cuz she is of this body, and whatever happens/ed to this body, well, this body got what was comming to it. Genetically, mentally, intelligencely speaking. Therefore all bad feelings that this body has are deserved and should be borne with dignity. They are our penance, and we will carry them. They are our load alone. Even if we dunno whats in that sack we carry, we must carry it. If we stop and try and look at it, cuz its heavy, then we get in big sh*t. It is our sack. Our responsibility. We must carry it, no complaints. SHUT UP. NO complaints. If stuff leaks outta it, never you mind you stupid f*cker. Never mind if its on your skin, stop freaking, shut the f*ck up and keep going. And NO you will NEVER see in that sack. NEVER. And NEVER forget, whatever happens, you deserve it. You always do.
?????????????????????????????????
Muffled
Posted by littleone on May 11, 2007, at 23:09:09
In reply to I am SO close to 'getting ' something...., posted by muffled on May 11, 2007, at 22:56:31
The thing that really came to my mind was that your sack sure sounds heavy. Heavy and hard to carry, but you're gonna keep carrying it no matter what. I think anyone would struggle to keep holding up such a heavy sack. Anyone would struggle under it's weight. Anyone would struggle to keep going with it when all they want to do is just drop the d*mn thing.
It would be a huge struggle to keep the responsibility of moving forward with that sack.
Posted by sunnydays on May 12, 2007, at 10:26:55
In reply to I am SO close to 'getting ' something...., posted by muffled on May 11, 2007, at 22:56:31
I felt like I was so close to something really important once, too. It was weird, because as soon as I told my T that and we both just said, "Huh, that's interesting," because I didn't know what it was that was important, I had the most amazing session I had had in a long time. I made HUGE progress in two sessions. Now I feel like I've taken a step backwards, but my T doesn't seem disappointed at all, and he was really reassuring last session. He told me he's in it for the long haul and said that even if I'm not in this area for graduate school we can still do phone sessions and he won't leave me.
Anyway, this is rambling, but kind of what made me 'get' what I was looking for was to acknowledge it and then relax and stop looking for it for a little bit. Then it just hit me, and it was amazing. I don't know if what you get will be positive or not, but if you can just sort of let it be there without trying to look at it or push it away it might come. Just an idea.
It sounds like you are doing really intense, good work in T, muffled. You are really doing the hard work. Good job.
sunnydays
Posted by gazo on May 12, 2007, at 11:30:32
In reply to I am SO close to 'getting ' something...., posted by muffled on May 11, 2007, at 22:56:31
the struggle isn't a cop out.. it's just trying to understand why you got this sack and who the hell told you that you earned it anyway? who wrote that rule? why do you got sh*t in yours and somebody else got roses? THAT is struggle.. figuring sh*t out. i think you think about struggle in T like two people fighting and you gotta be tough and defend.. you gotta bring it. But it isn't.. it's you looking through the woods for something you lost.
"it's amazing, in the blink of an eye you finally see the light,
it's amazing, when the moment arrives that you know you're gonna be alright." - Aerosmithmuch love and peace
Posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 15:44:33
In reply to Re: I am SO close to 'getting ' something...., posted by littleone on May 11, 2007, at 23:09:09
Posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 15:45:16
In reply to Re: I am SO close to 'getting ' something.... » muffled, posted by sunnydays on May 12, 2007, at 10:26:55
Posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 15:47:47
In reply to Re: I am SO close to 'getting ' something.... » muffled, posted by gazo on May 12, 2007, at 11:30:32
> the struggle isn't a cop out.. it's just trying to understand why you got this sack and who the hell told you that you earned it anyway? who wrote that rule? why do you got sh*t in yours and somebody else got roses? THAT is struggle.. figuring sh*t out. i think you think about struggle in T like two people fighting and you gotta be tough and defend.. you gotta bring it. But it isn't.. it's you looking through the woods for something you lost.
**Good points Gazo.
REALLY good point about defend....
Hmmmmm, gonna have to think on that one.
>
> "it's amazing, in the blink of an eye you finally see the light,
> it's amazing, when the moment arrives that you know you're gonna be alright." - Aerosmith
>
> much love and peace**Cool song.
L&P to you too Gazo.
Muffled
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