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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 11:30:17
Why did I forget something that is such a normal part of my leaving routine?
My T didn't say anything. I just realized it this morning (my session was on Saturday morning).
I'm such a dork.
Posted by annierose on July 16, 2007, at 14:17:12
In reply to I forgot to pay my T, posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 11:30:17
Nope not a dork. Just had your mind on other matters. He's not worried. He knows you will pay next time you see him.
Do you normally pay each session?
Posted by DAisym on July 16, 2007, at 15:14:52
In reply to I forgot to pay my T, posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 11:30:17
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But sometimes not...
The classic interpretation is that you are withholding something symbolized by the payment. Or you don't want to pay him - because it "taints" the feelings somehow. (he should do this because he cares about you, not because it is his job, etc.)
There are theories on unconsciously wishing to pick a fight, or stir things up by altering the routine.
Personally, I'm in favor of the plain old, "I have too much to think about right now" explanation.
Awhile back I forgot to deposit my paycheck. I was having a really bad couple of weeks, and I just spaced it. My therapy payment was returned -- I was mortified. But he didn't make a big deal out of it, he said he knew where to find me. :(
Will you call him or wait for next time?
Posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 16:53:55
In reply to I forgot to pay my T, posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 11:30:17
Not at all!
It's interesting that he didn't remind you, though. My therapist lets me know if I haven't handed him my check, or if I've handed him my parking stub or something instead of a check. He's really gentle about it, but he does remind me. Once I actually forgot my purse at home, and was horrified (on several grounds). But he was very nice about it, and let me know it was fine to pay him the next time.
Maybe it was just a forgetting. But maybe there was more. Something about trust, or wanting to be cared for without compensation.
Posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 16:58:28
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T, posted by annierose on July 16, 2007, at 14:17:12
> Do you normally pay each session?
I do. At the end.
Since I had given him a therapy anniversary gift earlier, maybe I thought that should be enough? ;)
Posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 17:09:17
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T » All Done, posted by DAisym on July 16, 2007, at 15:14:52
> Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But sometimes not...
>
> The classic interpretation is that you are withholding something symbolized by the payment. Or you don't want to pay him - because it "taints" the feelings somehow. (he should do this because he cares about you, not because it is his job, etc.)Generally, I don't think much about the money/paying him. At least I try not to. But maybe that's for exactly this reason. I don't want it to feel like he's just doing a job or something.
> There are theories on unconsciously wishing to pick a fight, or stir things up by altering the routine.Consciously, that's the last thing I want to do. It makes me so nervous when anything feels different in therapy. What my subconscious (did I use that correctly? Subconscious/unconscious??) wants, who knows. I did spend almost the entire session talking about a fight with my mom, which is pretty out of our (mine and my mom's) "routine".
> Personally, I'm in favor of the plain old, "I have too much to think about right now" explanation.
>
> Awhile back I forgot to deposit my paycheck. I was having a really bad couple of weeks, and I just spaced it. My therapy payment was returned -- I was mortified. But he didn't make a big deal out of it, he said he knew where to find me. :(
>
> Will you call him or wait for next time?I already emailed him (for the third time since Saturday afternoon - probably a record). One email was about losing my earring and I wanted to know if he'd found it in his office. I don't know where it fell off. He hasn't responded to any of them, yet, but I didn't request a response, either. I just apologized and told him I'll bring the check on Wednesday rather than mail it.
Posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 17:13:28
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T » All Done, posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 16:53:55
> Not at all!
>
> It's interesting that he didn't remind you, though. My therapist lets me know if I haven't handed him my check, or if I've handed him my parking stub or something instead of a check. He's really gentle about it, but he does remind me. Once I actually forgot my purse at home, and was horrified (on several grounds). But he was very nice about it, and let me know it was fine to pay him the next time.I think it's weird he didn't say anything, too. I'm glad I realized before I see him next. I would have felt even worse. I forgotten my money or checkbook a couple of times, actually. He's really nice about telling me just to bring it next time.
> Maybe it was just a forgetting. But maybe there was more. Something about trust, or wanting to be cared for without compensation.Maybe I just wanted to get out of there after spending so much time being upset about my mom?
Posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 17:27:09
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T » Dinah, posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 17:13:28
> Maybe I just wanted to get out of there after spending so much time being upset about my mom?
Seems reasonable to me. Sometimes I want to zoom out of there with no stops along the way. :) Mothers would definitely qualify.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 16, 2007, at 18:06:22
In reply to I forgot to pay my T, posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 11:30:17
This has happened to me at least a couple of times in all these years.
But one time was interesting. It was a few months after my former boss committed suicide and I was having a terrible time. My T had taken two weeks off (I think for her daughter's wedding) right before my company's annual meeting, which was even more stressful than usual. I had one session at a weird time before the meeting. And I left without paying her. I realized it as I drove out of town for the meeting and called to leave her a message about it and somehow just started bawling and promising that I would mail it to her and I was just so very sorry, blah, blah, blah. It was quite out of character and embarrassing. She called back and said to just bring the check the next week that she wasn't at all worried about it.
One session last summer, when my little guy was getting ready for his major heart surgery, I showed up an hour later than my appointment time. We had the whole session and she never mentioned it. I didn't realize it until the next day when I got my calendar out for something else. So I called and apologized (this time without crying) and offered to pay her for the extra time because I was the last appointment of the day, which meant she sat there for an hour waiting for me. She handled it well and said that of course I didn't need to pay for that. She said she didn't bring it up because she remembered that we had talked about both times and she thought she might have written the wrong one down.
I always give her the check at the beginning of the session now just so I don't forget if things get wild during the session.
Posted by Fallsfall on July 17, 2007, at 8:05:21
In reply to I forgot to pay my T, posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 11:30:17
If he sees the check sticking out of my pocketbook he'll say something gentle. I don't know what makes me forget on those days. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't feel like he earned his pay that day...
I run out of checks, or forget my pen on a regular basis, and bring the check the next time. He's fine with it.
Posted by sunnydays on July 17, 2007, at 10:22:09
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T » Dinah, posted by All Done on July 16, 2007, at 17:13:28
I see my T twice a week and I pay him once a week - less for him and me both to keep track of. One time I almost walked out without paying him when I was supposed to, I just wasn't even thinking about it. He just asked me, "Do you want to pay me today?" I apologized, but it really was no big deal. He's even offered that I could pay once a month or he could send me a bill, but I like this schedule best.
sunnydays
Posted by All Done on July 18, 2007, at 23:32:26
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T » All Done, posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 17:27:09
> Seems reasonable to me. Sometimes I want to zoom out of there with no stops along the way. :) Mothers would definitely qualify.
Yeah..I haven't been real happy with her lately. And now, among other worse things, I found out she's called a bunch of my relatives and told them how horrified she is that I let my son have Gatorade because it's "spiked with caffeine". I don't know whether to scream or roll my eyes.
Sorry, though. This is a topic for different board. Do we have a crazy mom board? ;)
Posted by All Done on July 18, 2007, at 23:40:30
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T *slight trigger* » All Done, posted by TherapyGirl on July 16, 2007, at 18:06:22
Hi, TherapyGirl. Sounds like you had some pretty rough stuff going on when you forgot to pay and got your appointment time mixed up. I'm glad she understood and was so nice about it. How great that she stayed for you when you needed her so much.
And I understand about the message you left for her. Even though I only sent one email to my T about the check, I managed to email/call him four times since Saturday. I never contact him that much unless I'm feeling really lousy. I'm not sure what's up, but I'm definitely feeling "off" since Saturday. One little bump in my routine, I guess...
Posted by All Done on July 18, 2007, at 23:45:33
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T, posted by Fallsfall on July 17, 2007, at 8:05:21
> If he sees the check sticking out of my pocketbook he'll say something gentle. I don't know what makes me forget on those days. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't feel like he earned his pay that day...
That's an interesting theory, falls. :)
I apologized again today and told him he can remind me, if I ever forget again. He said he realized I hadn't paid (I don't know at what point, though) and made a note of it to mention the next time he saw me.
> I run out of checks, or forget my pen on a regular basis, and bring the check the next time. He's fine with it.
Yeah. My T didn't seem very concerned about the whole thing. (And, whew, he didn't make me talk about it.)
Posted by All Done on July 18, 2007, at 23:49:55
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T » All Done, posted by sunnydays on July 17, 2007, at 10:22:09
I think a long time ago, my T said I could pay monthly or something. He would give me a bill? I don't exactly remember. So far, this has worked for me.
I see him every Saturday and every other Wednesday. Since insurance only covers 26 visits, I worked it out so that I give him the copay on Wednesdays and the full fee on Saturdays. I used to make every other Saturday an "insurance" visit. It was really easy to forget which amount I was supposed to pay. This works out much better.
Posted by Seeking Peace on July 25, 2007, at 13:03:32
In reply to Re: I forgot to pay my T » All Done, posted by DAisym on July 16, 2007, at 15:14:52
I forgot to pay on my last/termination session and felt bad. Maybe i wanted to hold something back, not 'finish'....
This is the end of the thread.
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