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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 12:44:17
and she left me one!
She kinda screwed it up, but thats my fault cuz I mumbled when I left the message for my T to lv a message.
I wanted her NOT to say my name in the message, cuz then it could be more to my inside kid. So initially it was a dissapointment, but now its good.
Cuz mostly, well theres a few good things bout it in parts.
But she talks slow, and is encouraging, and so its OK.
I like best that she talks slow. I like that its long, and she was obvo trying really hard to have a nice message for me.
She says some nice things which is hard for me to hear. But its getting easier.
I am so sleep deprived, and have arrived at that state where its actually kinda fun. I feel stoned.
I gonna try sleep meds I guess, but they mess with my sleep cycles and don't actually give me a good nights sleep.
So I going to T next Tues, and then she gone 2 wks.
She says I doing way better at ID emotions and sharing them w/her (in writing).
So I guess she's got a point.
I've gone from chronic dissociating, perpetually confused, self injuring, very risky behaviors, no clue of what emotions I was having, thinking I was evil, thinking I had evil inside and that I was 'tainted', etc etc to much calmer, RARELY self injure, MUCH less dissociating, understand whats happening inside me WAY more, not risky behaviors much, less confused, I know I not evil, and all that weird scary evil that was inside were just my emotions.
So while I still struggle terribly AT TIMES, I am doing much better on the whole.
So thats good.
Good T.
M
Posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 12:58:34
In reply to I asked my T for a message,, posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 12:44:17
only thing is in the message T talks bout 'healing'.
I am not broken. Just slightly defective brain. I goto learn to live with it is all. Cuz it messed me up cuz it don't work right.I don't like that word heal. I am NOT broken.
But T say I brave, cuz I keep comming, even when I want to run so bad.
I was gonna run.
But now I not.
So thats good too.
Good Muffy.
M
Posted by Daisym on September 21, 2007, at 14:11:35
In reply to healing?, posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 12:58:34
You "fix" broken things.
You "heal" wounded souls.
It is OK to want to heal.
Posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 14:54:49
In reply to Re: healing?, posted by Daisym on September 21, 2007, at 14:11:35
> You "fix" broken things.
>
> You "heal" wounded souls.
>
> It is OK to want to heal.*OK.
Thanks daisy.
I am so dizzy. I think mebbe hubby should get kids.
I gonna try and nap.
But OK. So I need fixing cuz my brain was born broken and so I screwed up alot. Any soul woundedness is my own fault, or perhaps the fault of my defective brain. I dunno, could be my brain got hurt when I was little too or something.
I have no clue bout that. Mebbe I was dropped on my head.
Just know my brains not quite right somehow.
And its just the way it is.
So mebbe insteada always blaming myownself for all my pain, then I can blame mother nature for my defective brain.
Thats all I have.
I do NOT have memory of nothing.
Random emotions that scare me, make me feel bad. But none makes any sense. Triggers don't make sense. Nonsense.
There's places my brain don't go.
But I can be assured nothing happened to me.
Cuz I would know.
You can't just not know.
That is not possible.
I think its just faulty wiring in my brain.
Its just so hard cuz nothing makes sense why I feel what I do.
But I keep going for my kids.
They need their Mom. Defective brain and all.
Ramble.
This why I can't sleep.
I am afraid.
But I dunno why.
I don't want to go to sleep.
Nonsense.
M
Posted by arora on September 21, 2007, at 15:44:12
In reply to Re: healing?, posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 14:54:49
Muffled-
several years ago, I saw a white peacock at a farm.
Now, a white peacock might not be considered 'normal' by a lot of people... but he certainly wasn't defective. I thought he was unique, (and so did he!)Your brain ain't defective... it's unique.
And your soul-wounding is no more your fault than that bird's color was his fault. His genetic 'flaw' made him special. And so are you.
arora
Posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 21:54:33
In reply to Re: healing? » muffled, posted by arora on September 21, 2007, at 15:44:12
This is the end of the thread.
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