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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2008, at 21:10:53
My therapist seemed struck with the difference between me today and Tuesday. A few days at the office, with headaches and overstimulation and sugar lows, has totally robbed me of my confidence and exuberance. I barely even remember Tuesday, never mind remember what feeling confident and exuberant felt like.
Now I feel so discouraged. Sure I felt good, but that's because my life was quiet. Add the least bit of disquiet to it, and I fall apart.
I guess it's possible that it's the transition that's bothering me. Once I learn new habits, things will be ok again. I can't even figure out quite what's so darn overstimulating. Our office is not exactly a bustling hive of activity. Yes, there are flourescent bulbs and people moving around. But no one's shouting (or at least not the last three days). And the bulbs aren't flickering that I can tell.
Maybe it's just the stress of knowing that I can be attacked at any moment. Well, attacked might be a strong word. But people can come up and disturb me while I'm trying to concentrate. Or catch me in the halls to ask me questions about stuff.
I was so enthusiastic about going back to work and getting lots done and being caught up. Now I'm afraid to wake up in the morning.
I hate hate hate this about myself.
And I blew my therapy session entirely. Muttering too low for him to hear. Phrasing things in ways he didn't quite understand. Staring moodily into space.
And he's unhappy about something I did, which will add more overstimulation at a time when I already have too much. He was trying not to fuss at me since it was near session end, and he doesn't like to fuss at session end. But I can hear fussing in my immediate future.
I really hate this about myself. How can I change so much so quickly.
Posted by star008 on January 19, 2008, at 7:26:18
In reply to What a difference three days makes, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2008, at 21:10:53
dinah,.,
don't worry about blowing your session... There is really no such thing, is there?? You are what you are and why try to fake it?? Sounds like it was a rough one for you. maybe there has just been too much going on for you.. He was probabbly fussing about something tht isn't so big anyway so try not to worry.
sorry it went so badly for you..
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 10:21:55
In reply to Re: What a difference three days makes, posted by star008 on January 19, 2008, at 7:26:18
I understand why he was fussing. And I know I'll hear about it again. He's probably even right. Ok, I know he's right. But having gotten myself in this position, I'm not sure I can get myself out. And I need to figure that out without his highly slanted help.
I guess it matters more blowing my session because I'm feeling so very down about work. I really needed to address that issue better, but just couldn't find the words I needed.
I just want to go to bed and sleep forever.
Posted by seldomseen on January 19, 2008, at 15:51:38
In reply to What a difference three days makes, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2008, at 21:10:53
I think that's how life is sometimes, it's up and down. One day we are flying high, the next it's flopping around in the mud time. I know.
I know people who just take it all in stride, are just unflappable. I'm not one of those people but I am getting better.
I'm really not as labile as I used to be. I don't know if it's because of therapy or that I just got tired.
I think it's probably true that it's not as bad as you think it is. You'll feel better soon.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 16:10:02
In reply to Re: What a difference three days makes » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on January 19, 2008, at 15:51:38
I know. At least I think I know. Goodness knows I've been avoiding the office for years. I try to pin it down. I know I worked there happily enough after Daddy retired. I'm not sure about after he died. Is it the reminders? The people?
All I know is that I've felt like crying for days, and think rather extreme things like I'll quit if I have to work there. Things like that. Silly, since it was my own idea to spend more time there.
I hate it there.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 18:33:51
In reply to Re: What a difference three days makes, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 16:10:02
Actually, the change was so sudden that I probably should consider hormones. :(
I was talking to my husband just now about how it wasn't the same without Daddy at work, though, and started crying. It seems silly. But since I also paper my workplace area with photos of Daddy, I guess it's safe to assume that the office is strongly connected in my mind with him. And that it's possible that I get angry when I'm there and he isn't.
It's really not that working for him was a bundle of joy. It wasn't. But taking care of him was my main purpose in being there. I liked taking care of him. Even when he yelled.
This is the end of the thread.
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