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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by frida on June 9, 2008, at 8:51:36
Hi,
Just thought i'd share something that's on my mind...
Last week I went through something really, really hard. I went to see my T and she didn't show up. At first I thought maybe i had done something wrong, but then I started to get worried that something could have happened to her or someone in her family. My T had never done this before,ever in almost 9 years I've seen her and she always encouraged me to get angry if she was late 5 minutes..it was so unlike her..I left her messages begging her to please let me know she was ok, that i hoped it was just a misunderstanding and nothing bad had happened..that i was SO worried.
I didn't hear from her that same day. I spent the night worrying and imagining the worst situations.
The following day I left another message, I kept calling to see if someone had changed her message..well at noon she did call me.
I was so relieved to hear her voice. She sounded really, really concerned and caring on the phone and said she was sooooo sorry..that she had left messages in my previous cell phone because at the hospital she didn't have her diary and couldn't check, but that she thought it was the right number..she explained that they had to take to the hospital one little one in her family as an emergency..she explained it all to me, she kept explaining and apologizing for how I felt until i heard from her. She told me how she had spent these hard days and that now she was ok and everyone was ok because the danger was over.
I told her how worried i had felt. I felt so relieved to hear her and felt so close to her.I see her this week.
This got me thinking into what i'd do if something happened to her, i felt so awful thinking that something could have happened ....i was so worried about her..
and also about me and what i'd do...i started thinking of all i haven't told her...of all the deep hard work we've done together...how giving she's been...
i'd be devastated if i lost her.has any of you in long-term T talked about something like this with your Ts?
i wish i could just die before something happens to her, she's been like a mother to me. i feel that losing her would be like losing a part of me forever...
thanks,
Frida
Posted by raisinb on June 9, 2008, at 9:31:39
In reply to worried about sth happening to T(She's ok now), posted by frida on June 9, 2008, at 8:51:36
Hi Frida,
I think it is totally normal to feel that way. The first time my therapist had to cancel for an emergency, I freaked and said, "are you okay??!!" on the phone. The couple of times she's had to do it again, she always reassures me in the message that she is fine, not hurt or anything, but that she has something to deal with. I'm sure your therapist will now be attuned to this fear of yours and will reassure you more promptly in the future.
Posted by Nadezda on June 9, 2008, at 10:20:13
In reply to Re: worried about sth happening to T(She's ok now) » frida, posted by raisinb on June 9, 2008, at 9:31:39
That was such an unfortunate coincidence that your T should have lost your information-- and also not be able to handle the situaton a little better. That something should happen to her is a frightening thought-- but it's a thought, not a reality. However awful, it's one of these possibilities we live with-- things that would be extremely difficult to handle-- but they are only possibilities...things in the future that may not happen, and whose happening our fears don't affect.
So the fear is there-- but it doesn't help to cope-- and there's a lot of evidence that people cope much better than they fear or believe they will. The only thing I can offer is that you have to accept the fear, but not focus on it. Suspending it-- putting it into a place where it doesn't get in the way of what's happening in your life-- and trusting that it wont happen-- but that it does, you'll find your way through.
Your T is okay; and the fears will recede. I would definitely accept and express them, but try not to let them take over--
You have so much more worthwhile and good things to do with your energy,
I'm very glad that everything did work out well-- and hope that your T gets your contact information correct-- you might make sure she has your cell number in her book-- and am sorry that you went through such a disturbing, and exceptional, disruption with her.
Nadezda
Posted by Dinah on June 9, 2008, at 10:26:15
In reply to worried about sth happening to T(She's ok now), posted by frida on June 9, 2008, at 8:51:36
Absolutely we've had this conversation. We had it as part of the conversation on termination just this week, but we've also had it before.
I'm really glad we did, too, because he'd never thought about it before and he hadn't made arrangements with a colleague to call his clients to cancel. (Instead of having them show up to an empty office.) He used to work with an agency, where they presumably had procedures, so it hadn't occurred to him to set anything up as a private practitioner.
He's also got a pda cell phone with all numbers on it, and I periodically check he's got every single number I've got and an email address to boot. Since he probably wouldn't want to give out client information if he was able to call himself, I think that's a good idea.
It's a worthwhile conversation to have both in terms of your feelings and in terms of practicality.
((((Frida))))
((((Frida's Therapist))))
I'm sorry you were scared, and I'm glad everything's ok with your therapist now.
(And it's also ok if you're angry with her, even if you don't think you "should" be.)
Posted by Annierose on June 9, 2008, at 19:06:29
In reply to worried about sth happening to T(She's ok now), posted by frida on June 9, 2008, at 8:51:36
Yes, I had the "what if" conversation with my t. My brother died suddenly a year ago and it brought up so many fears about death.
I asked my t if she had a plan. She said she often thought about it but put nothing concrete into place. Her husband would probably call me if something happened. I asked her if she would think about a plan for me that would include a referral to another therapist. She said, "absolutely".
With the anniversary of his death nearing, we talked more about death recently. It turned into a wonderful conversation about spiritually that brought me feeling closer to her.
I think it's an important discussion, especially when both parties are healthly and it's a "what if" conversation.
Posted by Dinah on June 10, 2008, at 12:12:28
In reply to Re: worried about sth happening to T(She's ok now), posted by Annierose on June 9, 2008, at 19:06:29
Annierose, I really like this post.
You haven't posted as much lately, but from what you have posted it sounds like there's a richness and depth to your therapy sessions lately. I'm sure there are still tough times, but I just get the impression that something has changed in a good way.
This is the end of the thread.
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