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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:33:56
I said I was leaving but I am feeling so agitated right now, maybe it has to do with no therapy this week. Sometimes I wish I was in denial about people, people are good... blah blah blah Why do we hurt others? I just don't get what one gains over doing this. Is it power? Is it to take away pain?
I so want to believe people can be kind, a lot of people are, but it is the other side that comes out, that frightens me. If you met my mom, she would seem like the most friendly person ever, with a great sense of humor. But do you ever truly know a person? People didn't know what she has done. Do all people have a bad side that hurts others?
My T even told me that Mother Teressa got nasty when others criticized her missions.
So do we just need to accept the bad because we all have it in us and nobody is exempt from hurting others? I just feel like hiding again, I would rather hurt myself than allow myself to be hurt by others which makes me want to hurt them back. Why? Because of my ego. It is sad.
Posted by Tabitha on June 19, 2008, at 13:41:32
In reply to ya I know, posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:33:56
Happy, the only thing that helps me accept hurtful actions is choosing to believe that all people are basically the same inside-- they want to feel happy and avoid pain, and that doing hurtful things or acting out of anger is a misguided way to handle their own pain. With your history I can understand why you'd find it an especially difficult issue.
Posted by muffled on June 19, 2008, at 17:22:08
In reply to ya I know, posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:33:56
HF, I hope you read my post above.
I deal with it by knowing well all got bad in us, but some have evil. Your mother was evil. You have anger, but I have never had any sense of evil from you.
Evil is more rare, I am sad you got touched by it as a child, but you can get thru this. You have had many joyful times in your life, and there are many more to come. There is much joy. There's bad patches, but then its good again. I have my religion to help me, I am fortunate in that.
Its unquestionably a really hard time for you right now. Please hang on and call T, and do what you need to do to keep you and your family safe.
This bad time WILL pass and things WILL get better.
Just please let T know how hard it is for you right now.
Make it very clear to him.
Thanks,
M
Posted by raisinb on June 19, 2008, at 18:48:34
In reply to ya I know, posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:33:56
"Do all people have a bad side that hurts others?"
Yes, in my opinion, they do, unfortunately. I know that I do. Inside I am a vulnerable child, but outside I can be angry and distant when things are scary for me. And similarly, other people have qualities that hurt me, because of their own flaws, and my unique triggers.
The only thing I can think of is to try and keep the whole relationship in your head, and to support and care about yourself when you're hurt by someone else. Don't make their failings yours. (This is good advice, I wish I could do it more often :)).
Posted by seldomseen on June 20, 2008, at 9:04:25
In reply to ya I know, posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:33:56
First let me say that there are just some bad people in the world. People that have no empathy for others. They are definately among us, but fortunately I think they are rare.
The rest of us I think are pretty much good, trustworthy people.
However, I can promise you this HF, if you are around even these people enough - even really really good people - you will get hurt.
Good people can be selfish, thoughtless, arrogant annd just basically mindless sometimes. I think it's just the human condition.
I also think the key in trusting others and seeing the good in them lies in the ability to trust ourselves. We've got to have enough confidence in ourselves to be able to absorb these hurts without being devastated by them.
With this confidence, comes the ability to say "you hurt me, but it's okay I'm alright".
I think both you and I carry from our childhood a devastating hurt that we simply at the time could not absorb. It was overwhelming and completely swamped our ability to cope with it.
Personally, I spent years afraid of going back to that hurt and overwhelmed feeling - so I stayed away from everyone (emotionally at least).
As I progress more into adulthood (at least emotional adulthood) the more confidence I have to absorb whatever people can throw at me. I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way.
You've survived a lot, HF and you are a strong competent woman. You've got what it takes I think to weather this current storm and still be open to life and love.
Take care,
Seldom
Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 20, 2008, at 16:35:06
In reply to ya I know, posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:33:56
Happyflower, do you think that everyone is inherently evil? Are the people that consider themselves kind just delusional?
-Ll
This is the end of the thread.
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