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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by backseatdriver on June 25, 2008, at 15:20:33
Hi Babblers,
Well, it looks like I've reached a point in my therapy where I'm trying hard to connect with my T and the connection is working. He's under my skin. Better than that: I'd be surprised if he didn't feel the same way.
This is a huge step for me, because I have trouble feeling when people care about me. I can't really say how or why I know he cares, except that *I* care, and this feeling seems somehow too strong to be just me.
He apologized sincerely at our last session because we're going to miss our next appointment. I was able to take in the apology, another first for me. Something about the interaction seemed to point in progress along this axis -- feeling cared for, as opposed to just knowing it intellectually -- as well.
Now, though, I am longing to see him again. I find this position highly uncomfortable. Should I just go with it, holding on to the loving feelings even though they hurt? Or should I shut these feelings down, in order to spare myself the hurt? Two weeks is a long time to go without seeing him when I am feeling this way. At the same time, I don't want to set back my own progress by doing the old shut-down routine.
Hugs to all,
BSD
Posted by meme3842 on June 25, 2008, at 21:55:43
In reply to T under my skin - holding the session btw breaks?, posted by backseatdriver on June 25, 2008, at 15:20:33
Isn't it funny how progress comes in strange ways? Before you didn't feel anything and now you long to see him again, which is just as bothersome.
At least longing for a therapist it is for me. Sometimes I would rather not have a therapist, then i don't have to actually care. But I supposedly the caring, even though it could be painful, is better than the numb dead feeling. I guess I could agree. Working on that one.
meme
Posted by star008 on June 25, 2008, at 23:51:52
In reply to T under my skin - holding the session btw breaks?, posted by backseatdriver on June 25, 2008, at 15:20:33
The loving feeling will always be there but it changes with time into alove that is more reasonable..We are stuck in a shi**y situation where we almost have to bond in order to work on things but we also have to keep tht love in perspective. If you look back at posts you will see that lots of people have felt strong feelinbgs towards their therapists. It is sad, inb a way that we have to go through all this bonding for a relationship that is therapuetic.
Posted by Lucie Lu on June 26, 2008, at 23:09:10
In reply to T under my skin - holding the session btw breaks?, posted by backseatdriver on June 25, 2008, at 15:20:33
Given that effective therapy engages our deepest emotions, it is not surprising all of our fears, hopes and dilemmas about human relationships get played out with our therapists. For the first year and well into the second (in retrospect), I was unable to really form a therapeutic bond with him at all even though we liked each other and I was seeing him fairly regularly. In the second year, we started twice weekly sessions which greatly intensified our relationship, my trust was growing and defenses were weakening just a little, and that's when the real therapy began. As our bond strengthened, it awakened in me a spectrum of powerful emotions that were conflicted and uncomfortable. That strong sense of connection feels rewarding and gratifying and can awaken loving feelings (tenderness, concern, caring) in both participants. For me and my T, it was strongest when I was neediest when we were really dealing with the trauma issues and needed a very strong bond to get us through the muck. Now that our partnership is at a later stage, the loving relationship changes, and Star described that well. Working through that transition is one thing I'm struggling with now but that should be on a separate thread and not hijacking yours.
I think you are probably right that your T is feeling and responding emotionally to the increased connection strong feelings don't arise in a vacuum my T often says. And it can be confusing to realize that the exact nature of those feelings, though they may be strong for the two of you, are probably not the same for you both. We particularly experience longings for our T's and these longings can very powerful as you well know. But they are a normal emotional response to the therapeutic relationship and a good T is well versed; running from them or trying to bury them is counter-productive to your therapy. Hopefully you can discuss them with your T who can help you deal with them as you struggle to understand them. Have you told him about your new feelings about him, about your relationship, about your longings and response to separation? Your finding them uncomfortable is totally understandable. Being able to distract yourself with other things during such a separation may be helpful if you can do it.
Anyway, it sounds like you are taking a major step forward in your therapy congratulations! Making a strong connection should be one of the best things about being human anyway, so learning to connect and handle the feelings IS the therapy for many of us. Try to hang in there when it gets uncomfortable, that's where the greatest therapeutic opportunity probably lies. And talk about it, all of those conflicted feelings, with your T. Sounds like you have a good one and a great attitude.
Wish you all the best - Lucie
Posted by backseatdriver on June 27, 2008, at 7:50:29
In reply to Re: T under my skin - holding the session btw breaks?, posted by Lucie Lu on June 26, 2008, at 23:09:10
Thank you so much for your wise words, Lucie, and for taking the time to write. What you say sounds just right to me, and I'm going to re-read it. That reassurance -- that strong feelings don't arise in a vacuum -- is so welcome right now. Thanks again, very much!
Posted by Lucie Lu on June 27, 2008, at 22:08:34
In reply to Re: T under my skin - holding the session btw brea » Lucie Lu, posted by backseatdriver on June 27, 2008, at 7:50:29
Glad you found it helpful. -Lucie
This is the end of the thread.
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