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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2008, at 19:49:02
Last session we talked about some problems I was having with my husband.
This time we talked about an extremely delicate topic. One that I am always reluctant to discuss with him.
Both times he was great. Very therapist-like. But also very him. He knew I was worried today about whether he'd think badly of me for what I'd told him, so he really did a good job of reassuring me before I left. And even asked if I'd like a hug. It really was a tangible and visceral way to say he didn't find me disgusting. And absolutely right in this situation.
Aside from psychicly checking out how he felt at the beginning of the session, I didn't really need to discuss him or our relationship at all. He felt like his usual self, and he was not only Therapist X, but also X the therapist.
It is so nice to get back to normal.
Posted by Daisym on June 27, 2008, at 20:31:57
In reply to Back to real therapy :), posted by Dinah on June 27, 2008, at 19:49:02
I'm glad for you Dinah. Not that you have hard stuff to discuss but that you've found the connection and right rhythme again. You don't seem to be bracing for a relapse either, which is excellent.
These ups and downs just drive me crazy. But I guess it is what happens when human beings are helping other human beings. All that humanity just gets in the way.
Bibliotherapy seems like a much calmer way to go. :)
Posted by rskontos on June 29, 2008, at 15:59:51
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :), posted by Daisym on June 27, 2008, at 20:31:57
Well at least you were able to see him through a hard time and stay connected to get to this point. That must be a growth in and of itself.
I am thrilled for you.
rsk
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2008, at 9:57:05
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :), posted by Daisym on June 27, 2008, at 20:31:57
Bibliotherapy would have sounded really good a couple of weeks ago. Right now I'm so sure that it's the real life connection that leads to real change. It *is* the fact that there are two human beings in that room - however much trouble that brings.
I managed to make some changes since the last session. Not based on what he said precisely. There seems to be something magic about the therapy relationship, at least when it's going well. I often refer to it as a sacred space, a sacred encounter. I am usually afraid that my therapist will laugh, but he says that he sees it that way too. He doesn't always act as if he sees it that way, but I suppose it's wearing to maintain a sacred space full time.
Still, it does occur to me that the worse was over in less than two months this time. That it could have been, and has in the past, been far worse. And that I have no way of knowing, each time, how long it will last. It's scary.
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2008, at 10:00:02
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :)Dinah, posted by rskontos on June 29, 2008, at 15:59:51
The therapist I saw briefly, T3, told me something I'll never forget no matter how much I want to. She said "Things will never be the same again, because you'll remember that this *did* happen, that it *can* happen."
I was never quite sure if that was an insight or a curse.
Posted by raisinb on June 30, 2008, at 13:54:41
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :) » rskontos, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2008, at 10:00:02
"Never be the same??!" Yikes. Why don't therapists think before they speak?
It reminds me of my first bad car accident. Suddenly, I understood that I could really get hurt, that I wasn't just sailing along invincibly on a nice, safe, road. But since then, I'm a much more careful, considerate driver, and I appreciate every drive more deeply. So...maybe there's a little bit of a positive side to that...just thinking aloud.
Posted by rskontos on June 30, 2008, at 15:09:47
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :) » rskontos, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2008, at 10:00:02
Doesn't that sum up life in general though?
rsk
Posted by rskontos on June 30, 2008, at 15:11:07
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :) » rskontos, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2008, at 10:00:02
And I suppose it can be both at times.
rsk
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 16:36:40
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :) » Dinah, posted by raisinb on June 30, 2008, at 13:54:41
Well, what she said was certainly true. And while I worried and worried about abandonment, somehow what she said made it all so real for me. I had been stubbornly insisting that we would work it out somehow and put it behind us.
It's not that it happened so much. It's that he was ok with it happening. That I wasn't really on his radar with deciding to leave. That I was just a client.
Not that I didn't know that. But I guess somewhere somehow I thought that the force of my caring for him could awake a response.
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 16:39:12
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :) » Dinah, posted by rskontos on June 30, 2008, at 15:11:07
It was definitely both an insight and a curse. I really have trouble getting her words out of my mind.
Yet as things calm down with my therapist, I find that I'm unwrapping myself from around his leg and able to consider things like how much easier my financial situation would be if I went to once a week therapy. Things must be really back to normal.
Posted by Lucie Lu on July 1, 2008, at 23:25:44
In reply to Re: Back to real therapy :) » rskontos, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 16:39:12
Dinah, if you can consider dropping back to one session per week in the interests of healthy finances, things must not only be going back to normal, they must be positively copacetic!
Wish I could do it :)Seiously, glad to hear your T is settling down and acting more like his own self again. Sounded very alarming from what you described.
Lucie
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