![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 23:11:09
I am posting this in this section. hoping to find some kind solution or a listening ear or anything
I'm looking for support on how to deal with my spouse. She has been sick with depression and other issues. I find it harder each day to deal with her and give her the support that a husband should be able to give. Is there anybody else in this situation??Welcome to Babble, Breakfree. I hope you find what you're looking for here.
>
> There may be some others in that situation, but I would guess there are more here in your wife's situation.
>
> Maybe you can learn more about how she's responding and feeling from people-- which may help you respond better and also feel better about the responses you can give.
>
> I would try either the relationship page-- which doesn't get much traffic, so I'm not sure you would get many responses-- or the psychology page, which is much more active.
>
> There's also social, which is pretty much anything from the serious to the absurd. Or self-esteem, which could involve some of your, or her issues.
>
> I suggest that you look around and see where you feel most comfortable posting. If your wife has any medication issues, you can also use the main (or medication) board.
>
> Welcome to Babble, in any event. You'll find there are a lot of very understanding and thoughtful people here.
>
> NadezdaThanks for the welcome, There is quite the past with my wife and her problems. First was her getting the help from doctors and finding one that she is comfortable. Her siblings are on the same meds so it runs in the family.But she always had problem with her trust in anybody general. That was carried on in our relationship. But she was also dreaming things up that was happening around us and it affected our friends and family. She would tell me things that a certain person would tell her, some good friends of mine that I knew for years, I wouldn't believe her and approch this person and asked them what was said. They would tell me nothing like this was said. I lost some friends because of this.
It was getting better until she fell down and hurt her knee, ended up getting surgery, the doctor screwed up and she almost died, She got blood clots and other stuff. Now she is less mobile, getting depress about it. She has talked her doctor into lessing her dose for her meds. I think this has her dreaming things up again on what people are saying. I'm not sure what to do about it or where to turn. I know it has affected our family. but I don't want to hurt our family more than this has. Any kind of listening ears would help.
Posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 23:22:55
In reply to Help on my wife problem which is my family problem, posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 23:11:09
I am also wondering when it is time for me to tell her that these rumours that she thinks she hears are not true. Do I confront her about this? Some people tell me that I can't. But I can not keep on living like this.
We have two girls ages 19 and 9. My family lives close by but do not visit because my wife thinks they do not like her and have said some nasty things about her. I notice when ever she drinks , these "rumours" come alive and I do not know what to do. I know I am rambling so I will stop .
Posted by Maria01 on September 4, 2008, at 0:35:28
In reply to Re: Help on my wife problem which is my family problem, posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 23:22:55
Is your wife presently seeing a therapist or counselor? If she is, have you thought about scheduling an app't for yourself to discuss your concerns with them? Depression can affect an entire household, particularly spouses of the depressed person. If she isn't seeing a counselor or therapist, perhaps you can get a referral for yourself and for her..her doctor can maybe refer you to someone. If she doesn't want to see a therapist or counselor, consider going without her, so you can have support in addressing your concerns.
Best of luck to you.
Posted by JayMac on September 4, 2008, at 1:08:18
In reply to Help on my wife problem which is my family problem, posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 23:11:09
Breakfree,
You are going through a whole lot! It sounds like it would be best if you got some help for your own understanding of her depression and also so you can have a support system. Please remember to be sure to take care of YOURSELF.Many hugs to you,
Jay
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 4, 2008, at 9:58:23
In reply to Re: Help on my wife problem which is my family problem, posted by JayMac on September 4, 2008, at 1:08:18
Hi, and welcome! My first thought is that I would not repeat anything that your wife says to anybody else; as you can see, it results in other people being angry.
Is she in therapy?
Smiles, Sassy
Posted by Kath on September 4, 2008, at 15:14:31
In reply to Help on my wife problem which is my family problem, posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 23:11:09
Hi - I'm glad you brought your concerns over here to a 'busier' board.
I am so sorry you & your wife & the family is having this very stressful situation to deal with.
This is a big burden for you to carry.
I am the main support person for my 24 year old son, who has substance abuse issues & ended up with psycyhosis & a diagnosis of schizophrenia.
I also deal with anxiety & depression in myself (& I guess obsessiveness as well).
As a main support person, it's been VERY important for me to seek support for ME.
I sincerely hope that you are able to seek support for yourself in this situation.
I hope you're in a country where the medical system can provide you with affordable help.
It's one thing trying to help your wife. The other thing that you touched on is the effect that is bound to have on YOU.
Perhaps a phonecall to a local hospital or to a government mental health agency would be a place to start. Some employers provide EAP (Employee Assistance Plan) for some short-term counselling.
I wish you all the best.
Sincerely, Kath
Posted by Kath on September 4, 2008, at 15:17:40
In reply to Re: Help on my wife problem which is my family problem, posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 23:22:55
I notice when ever she drinks , these "rumours" come alive and I do not know what to do. I know I am rambling so I will stop .
*****Al-Anon might be a good support group for you? There's probably information online about it that could help you decide.
Many people have received helpful support through Twelve-Step groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous. Al-Anon is for family members. Even if your wife isn't an alcoholic, Al-Anon meetings could provide you with support in a situation where you have NO CONTROL over your wife's actions, beliefs, etc.
hugs, Kath
Posted by BREAKFREE on September 4, 2008, at 20:25:49
In reply to Re: Help on my wife problem which is my family problem » BREAKFREE, posted by Kath on September 4, 2008, at 15:17:40
She was seeing a DR. but stop going cause she thought she was better. i think she didn't like to hear what they had to say. I'm afraid to go see some one cause of a couple of things. First she won't go, plus being a male, it is hard to get over that whole male thing on getting help . ( iknow preety lame) I went out today with a friend and went fishing. It was nice to get away and relax near the water. If I didn't have kids, I don't think I could come back. Sad to say. You are suppose to marry a person and stay with them no matter what. Until death does us apart)Maybe that is what I waiting for. I will check out the Al-anon. I like to have the odd drink or two. But should I stop to support her??
Posted by Phillipa on September 5, 2008, at 12:45:19
In reply to Re: Help on my wife problem which is my family problem, posted by BREAKFREE on September 4, 2008, at 20:25:49
Late to the thread but could drinking be affecting all the behavior. How much do you and your wife drink if you don't mind me asking if so just forget and ignore. Love Phillipa
Posted by BREAKFREE on September 6, 2008, at 18:04:30
In reply to Re: Help on my wife problem which is my family problem » BREAKFREE, posted by Phillipa on September 5, 2008, at 12:45:19
Not that much, once a week if friends come over I will have a few, my wife will drink during the week if she is depressed or in pain with her knee.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.