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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 8, 2009, at 16:01:05
So, I had my supervision today, that's where we talk about my cases. Also, my supervisor just completed a 9 page evaluation on my progress as a clinician, and it was quite positive, and she was enthusiastic.
Good Cop.
Then we had our staff meeting. Supervisor mentions to me in passing- oh yeah, so, you'll be presenting case XXXX, plan on 30 minutes. Um. gulp. I did well with all the theory stuff, but in terms of who's going to set up the meetings and what our goals are this week, I kinda flopped. my supervisor is firing questions at me, in her uniquely piercing way. I try to keep my cool. All is well. I look mildly disorganized/perhaps incompetent. sigh. whatever.
Then supervisor asks the group "how was this meeting, with us firing questions at each other?" I blurted out "I felt fired at... um, not that you guys are a firing squad, or anything..." I actually am very fond of my colleagues; they are smarties and fun to be around, very competent and respectful. I decided to shut up
After the meeting, my supervisor came up to me and asked me whether that meeting was really stressful to me-- how did I feel?.
Well, I mumbled, that it was really the icing on the cake, and started tearing up. She said "come with me" and I grabbed a kleenex on the way out of the very public office. She found an unoccupied room, and tears are running down my face (as they are now when I type this). And I told her that my mom has cancer, that I am doing my best at compartmentalizing it, but sometimes it just doesn't work. [damn HER for asking me how I felt]. Anyways, she was very kind and patient, and said that she had taken my emotional stability for granted, and probably pushed me a little too hard.
Damn saline secretions.
I had an appt. afterwards, which is good. I cried in the car on the way over. and stopped for the appt., and then started crying again when h asked me how my day was.
Felt like calling my T "SEE???!!! I DO have feelings"
Maybe it doesn't help that I spent an hour presenting a case with a dual PTSD/bipolar diagnosis. It's hard to be dispassionate and talk about symptoms, when I kind of own some of them myself. At least I have more knowledge than the average clinician of this particular confluence of symptoms...
sorry so rambling.
gimme a hug and a kleenex. I'm a mess.Ll
Posted by Partlycloudy on January 8, 2009, at 16:31:13
In reply to OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 8, 2009, at 16:01:05
What a perfect storm of a day. There's something awful about showing just how vulnerable we are, like we should be wearing armor or something on those days. I'm glad that it's over, at least.
Hug. ((((((Llurpsie))))))
Tissue. Puffs Plus with Lotion, my favourite, won't turn your nose red. Appearances are everything, right?
Make that a sticky hug.
Posted by Dinah on January 8, 2009, at 16:57:11
In reply to OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 8, 2009, at 16:01:05
Well, you got through the presentation and didn't break down until you were asked a direct question afterwards. From that standpoint, it wasn't that inopportune. You showed you could do the job and fall apart after.
I cried at work Monday. It was afterwards too, although I don't think I did that well during either.
I'm sure she understood, given everything going on.
Posted by seldomseen on January 8, 2009, at 18:02:19
In reply to OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 8, 2009, at 16:01:05
Boy if I had a dime for everytime I've cried in my boss' office, I would be a rich rich woman.
I've also cried
in airports
in stairwells
numerous bathroom stalls, both here and abroad
at concerts
in bars
walking down the street in San Diego
at the post office
in church
in a taxi cab in DC
in an Old Navy dressing room
in conference rooms
in pathology suites at the hospital (no one was sick, I work in one).And those are in addition to all the places where it would be acceptable to cry.
LLurpsie, don't worry about it. It's all right at the surface at the moment, and, we are women, we leak.
It's all good.
Seldom.
Posted by raisinb on January 8, 2009, at 18:03:51
In reply to OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 8, 2009, at 16:01:05
(((Llurpsie)))
I hate that assumption in academic fields that excellent requires attacks--usually on those the most anxious, junior, and vulnerable. It's like a very intelligent form of hazing.
Take care of yourself. It is healthy to cry.
Posted by Kath on January 8, 2009, at 18:12:29
In reply to OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 8, 2009, at 16:01:05
Dear Llurpsie,First of all, I'm really so sorry about your Mom & it must have been unbelievably stressful. Compartmentalize be darned!!! It must have been a mammoth exercise in compartmentalizing!!
It sounds to me as though things went extremely well & I think it speaks hugely that nobody even suspected that anything was going on with you!!
I think it's good that she asked you, that you reacted in a perfectly NORMAL manner & that she now knows that this is a very traumatic time in your life.
You're in my thoughts & I send my love,
Kath
Posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2009, at 20:24:00
In reply to OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 8, 2009, at 16:01:05
>Then supervisor asks the group "how was this meeting, with us firing questions at each other?" I blurted out "I felt fired at
and then you failed to resist the urge to disclose by saying
>... um, not that you guys are a firing squad, or anything..."which made me laugh
>I actually am very fond of my colleagues; they are smarties and fun to be around, very competent and respectful. I decided to shut upProbably a good idea, but then you are asked how you feel (which can be a difficult question if you feel people can see how you feel [in which case why do they ask] though I'm talking about me there.....the 'no skin' thing).
There is actually a song that has a chorus of 'insane in the membrane' that my kids used to listen to.
Posted by DAisym on January 8, 2009, at 22:06:49
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown » llurpsienoodle, posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2009, at 20:24:00
(((Lurpsie)))
As a supervisor, I'm always honored by someone's tears. I think you made her think about her style and the presentations. Which is a good thing.
And you did great is so many other places. Try not be so hard on yourself.
I love the line, "women leak." OMG - too funny! Let's all get shirts made.
Posted by Phillipa on January 9, 2009, at 13:30:20
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by DAisym on January 8, 2009, at 22:06:49
Been gone just saw this so sorry I know how worried you are about your Mom please try to keep stress down. Love Phillipa
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 9, 2009, at 17:00:16
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by Phillipa on January 9, 2009, at 13:30:20
Thanks you guys,
I'm doing better today, but I'm swamped with work, so I hope I'll have time to reply to you each in turn tomorrow.thanks T for helping get me sorted out.
-Ll
Posted by Kath on January 9, 2009, at 18:44:27
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 9, 2009, at 17:00:16
I know it can take a long time to reply to each & every post. No need to comment on mine personally unless you want to.
:-)))))))))) Kath
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:38:32
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown » llurpsienoodle, posted by Partlycloudy on January 8, 2009, at 16:31:13
yep, must *appear* to be put-together.
and how did you know I like the softiegreasy puffs?
I don't keep them at home because they smear my glasses, so that's an extra special treat.
I think that sleep and a good weekend will provide me with restoration of my armor.
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:41:13
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown » llurpsienoodle, posted by Dinah on January 8, 2009, at 16:57:11
> Well, you got through the presentation and didn't break down until you were asked a direct question afterwards. From that standpoint, it wasn't that inopportune. You showed you could do the job and fall apart after.
That's a good point...
>
> I cried at work Monday. It was afterwards too, although I don't think I did that well during either.really? I'm not the only one? I felt so ashamed, but you and others suggest a kind of normalcy. mmm something to think about.
>
> I'm sure she understood, given everything going on.Well, hard to tell. She's kind of like a T herself. caring, but with very strict boundaries.
I wish things were easier for both of us. Anything good going on for you this weekend?
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:45:50
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown » llurpsienoodle, posted by seldomseen on January 8, 2009, at 18:02:19
> Boy if I had a dime for everytime I've cried in my boss' office, I would be a rich rich woman.
>I would be impoverished, but I suppose it's quality over quantity? wait, I dunno what the hell I'm talking about?
> I've also cried
> in airports
oh yes, absolutely!
> in stairwells
> numerous bathroom stalls, both here and abroadyes
> at concertsI only go to classical music performances, and yes, I have cried...
> in bars
I was the one handing out the scratchy bar napkins> walking down the street in San Diego
> at the post office
no, the lines never got that bad
> in church
> in a taxi cab in DC
oh dear- was it a long ride? did you have time to compose yourself?
> in an Old Navy dressing room
I hope you weren't trying on swimsuits. I went to ONavy once about 18 mos ago, and I picked out a dozen items, and NONE of them fit my body. too long, too loose, too tight, too low cut, too baggy in the wrong places, etc. ONavy can be a very difficult experience.> in conference rooms
I *May* have shed a few tears at a lab meeting once.
> in pathology suites at the hospital (no one was sick, I work in one).
>
> And those are in addition to all the places where it would be acceptable to cry.
>
> LLurpsie, don't worry about it. It's all right at the surface at the moment, and, we are women, we leak.
>
> It's all good.
>
> Seldom.
>
>I am woman. I leak
you are a gem seldom, thank you for your encouragement
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:47:33
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown » llurpsienoodle, posted by raisinb on January 8, 2009, at 18:03:51
> (((Llurpsie)))
>
> I hate that assumption in academic fields that excellent requires attacks--usually on those the most anxious, junior, and vulnerable. It's like a very intelligent form of hazing.you know what? that's pretty much what my T had to say, that it was almost a set-up.
>
> Take care of yourself. It is healthy to cry.Thank you raisinb. Are you dehydrated? dehydrated little grape? I can lend you some saline?
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:49:55
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown » llurpsienoodle, posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2009, at 20:24:00
> >Then supervisor asks the group "how was this meeting, with us firing questions at each other?" I blurted out "I felt fired at
>
> and then you failed to resist the urge to disclose by saying
>
>
> >... um, not that you guys are a firing squad, or anything..."
>
> which made me laughI told T, and we both laughed too. Funny the crap that comes out of my mouth sometimes!
>
>
> >I actually am very fond of my colleagues; they are smarties and fun to be around, very competent and respectful. I decided to shut up
>
> Probably a good idea, but then you are asked how you feel (which can be a difficult question if you feel people can see how you feel [in which case why do they ask] though I'm talking about me there.....the 'no skin' thing).
>I'm used to having a very opaque, if thin skin. Things bug me, but you cannot necessarily detect them.
> There is actually a song that has a chorus of 'insane in the membrane' that my kids used to listen to.
Hmmm, what kinda membrane would I be? Maybe an eggshell?
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:53:01
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by DAisym on January 8, 2009, at 22:06:49
> (((Lurpsie)))
>
> As a supervisor, I'm always honored by someone's tears. I think you made her think about her style and the presentations. Which is a good thing.Oh, Daisy, I can only hope that my supervisor wasn't terribly bothered by my tears. That she might actually be more sensitive to me in the future is possible, I suppose. We'll see...
>
> And you did great is so many other places. Try not be so hard on yourself.
>ah, the trick du jour. "exactly what do I gain from being so hard on myself?" T asks. I know the answer, but it is too hard to share. At least in this thread, right now.
> I love the line, "women leak." OMG - too funny! Let's all get shirts made.I'm just worried about the location of the text...
what about sigismund? does he get a shirt too? is it civil for man to cite women leaking?
lol
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:56:12
In reply to I don't think you did!! ((((you)))) » llurpsienoodle, posted by Kath on January 8, 2009, at 18:12:29
Thank you for your warm thoughts, Kath
you radiate good will, did you know that?
I suppose my reaction was "normal" given the circumstances. T once again reiterated that I am human. At which point I grumbled.
oh well, probably a good thing that I belong to a species.
-Ll
oh, and a pleasure to reply to your posts. thank you for being so considerate. I'm happy I have the time and energy to respond to everyone at this time. (((((kath)))))
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:57:20
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown, posted by Phillipa on January 9, 2009, at 13:30:20
> Been gone just saw this so sorry I know how worried you are about your Mom please try to keep stress down. Love Phillipa
Ya, I try. I even exercised and made carrot juice.
Thanks for your concern,
-Ll
Posted by raisinb on January 10, 2009, at 13:06:25
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown » raisinb, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:47:33
;) I am trying to stay warm and hydrated. Lots of tea while I watch the feet of snow pile up outside!
Posted by Kath on January 10, 2009, at 18:22:03
In reply to Re: I don't think you did!! ((((you)))) » Kath, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:56:12
> Thank you for your warm thoughts, Kath
>
> you radiate good will, did you know that?~ ~ ~ No I didn't! Thx. That feels nice.
> oh well, probably a good thing that I belong to a species.
~ ~ ~ Yeah, I guess so!
> oh, and a pleasure to reply to your posts. thank you for being so considerate. I'm happy I have the time and energy to respond to everyone at this time. (((((kath)))))~ ~ ~ How's your weekend going? You're in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself as best you can these days LLurpsie.
hugs, Kath & thx for your hugs :-))
Posted by Kath on January 10, 2009, at 18:28:41
In reply to Re: OMG, I had an inopportune breakdown » DAisym, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 10, 2009, at 7:53:01
> > I love the line, "women leak." OMG - too funny! Let's all get shirts made.
>
> I'm just worried about the location of the text...~ ~ ~ LOL - brings memories of normally small me being post-pregnancy NOT small & away from first baby for a long time & having the cross my arms across my chest to hide the evidence!!
> what about sigismund? does he get a shirt too? is it civil for man to cite women leaking?~ ~ ~ I don't think it'd be at all wise for siggi to wear such a shirt. He might get told WAY worse than "please be civil"!!!! LOL
hugs, Kath
Posted by Phillipa on January 10, 2009, at 19:36:07
In reply to regarding T-shirts » llurpsienoodle, posted by Kath on January 10, 2009, at 18:28:41
Kath bet he can take it. Let me have one his choice whether to wear or not. Maybe he will reply. Love Phillipa.
This is the end of the thread.
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