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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on January 13, 2009, at 12:53:49
I'm gonna scream.
And it doesn't feel empowering, it feels like I'm totally stupid that I'm 46 years old and just asserting myself NOW. Like, I thought I did this, um, 25 years ago. Where did that young confident woman go? That I have to learn how to do it all over again, but it hurts to do it this time?
And that word to describe myself has crept back into my vocabulary. LOSER. I feel like I'm such a LOSER. It's that imp that resides in my brain all the time but it's voice is so much louder now. I used to drown out the voice with gin and (whatever, sometimes just ice), but that hasn't been a option for a long time now. You'd think that would be enough for me to think, well you're no Loser any more, look at what you've done! But that imp just finds something else to jabber on about.
Anyways.
Those boundaries. I guess I don't really want to talk about it. It's just that this is their year.
Blech. Super blech.
Posted by Phillipa on January 13, 2009, at 13:15:28
In reply to If I have to learn another lesson about boundaries, posted by Partlycloudy on January 13, 2009, at 12:53:49
PC ahhh the 40's seriously my best years. Now in 60's isn't it horrible that 40's confident woman who could conquer the world has left and I'm the one with no confidence at all. No one pays attention to me I'm a burden to society at least that's the impression get at docs and no one looks at me any more when out and used to be pretty. Lesson looks are nothing it's inside I guess that is important. Can't seem to learn that lesson though. So got the same illness no sence of self I guess in my case I'd call it no future career to look forward to. And all the older ones that live here in hospital with horrible things. Is this what's In store? I want to hide. Love Phillipa.
Posted by Partlycloudy on January 13, 2009, at 13:44:43
In reply to Re: If I have to learn another lesson about boundaries » Partlycloudy, posted by Phillipa on January 13, 2009, at 13:15:28
I don't really give a fig about my looks. Kind of accepted where I'm at with my lumps and droops so far. It's all the internal stuff that has me messed up. I used to just run and hide from all my problems and this "dealing with it" - where supposedly I'm ready for it and strong enough to handle it, well these days I'm not feeling the love - of myself.
I don't even want my mommy. A nice big rock is good enough. Yesterday it was back and forth between the sofa and the bed. I just didn't care to do anything else, just a lump migrating up and down the stairs.Tough noogies. (Why isn't that a real word?)
Posted by Phillipa on January 13, 2009, at 21:06:10
In reply to Re: If I have to learn another lesson about bounda » Phillipa, posted by Partlycloudy on January 13, 2009, at 13:44:43
PC you just made it one and you will make it I've seen how far you've come over the years been on the site. Hang in there. Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on January 18, 2009, at 19:23:33
In reply to Re: If I have to learn another lesson about bounda » Phillipa, posted by Partlycloudy on January 13, 2009, at 13:44:43
((((((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry PC.
Hey - how does this feel? Write the word LOSER on a piece of paper. Take it somewhere - maybe to the water, set it on fire & let the ashes float away.
Just a thought. If it felt okay or good, you could do it daily.
You're certainly anything BUT a loser dear PC. But I understand how our gremlins can sneak their way in & mess with us.
LOVE, Kath
Posted by Little Soul on January 20, 2009, at 9:04:46
In reply to If I have to learn another lesson about boundaries, posted by Partlycloudy on January 13, 2009, at 12:53:49
Hey PC, I can feel your struggle all the way through the "line". I get it - the thing about learning all over again at this age after being, until recently, a successful, confident, professional woman. My T keeps on setting boundaries for me, so she says, "I'll learn what healthy boundaries look like"....grumble, grumble.
And then, there it goes, hold on, I can feel it coming up like a hot-flash, the gremlin creeping up on my shoulder shouting things like, "loser, fake, idiot" and other judgemental things, much more descriptive than I can say here. I just want to sit down and cry - and usually do.
I don't know how it is for you, but for me I go through this stuff in cycles. I know, everyone says it will pass and it does, but when you're in it, you're in it, plain and simple. Sometimes what I do to get out of it, is to imagine myself taking a stand like a boxer, hands up with gloves on and everything (yeah, I know...what a sight)! Then I imigine saying to that gremlin, "come on, come 'ere, I dare ya to take over my mind" in full pose quite puffed up. And for a bit that seems to do it.
But yeah, I despise having to learn this stuff all over again too! Maybe I never really got it and that's why it hurts so much now - donno. All I can say is that I'm there for ya. You were among the first people to reach out to me when I was a newbie a few weeks ago and that meant a lot to me! ((((((((((((PC))))))))))))
You're in my thoughts.
LS
Posted by Partlycloudy on January 20, 2009, at 13:36:44
In reply to Re: If I have to learn another lesson about boundaries » Partlycloudy, posted by Little Soul on January 20, 2009, at 9:04:46
Mwah! Big kiss for Little Soul!
I think if I tried to put on a pair of boxing gloves right now I'd fall right over :-) I do get the sense that I keep fighting my very own self...It does help to share, in a big way, for me.
This is the end of the thread.
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