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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 10:46:43
I'm feeling very very low, and very much like giving up.
I'm am aware of all the good things that are going on in my life, but at present they do not seem to be "reaching" me. They are like a picture on my fridge. I'm so used to seeing them, they have lost meaning.
It is compounded,if not outrightly caused by the fact, that I am ill - a bizarre fluish/bronchitis/sinus infection type thing. It doubly sucks that the lung/bronchiole involvement isn't going over well with my smoking. I am on antibiotics. It's as though my body let in a moment of weakness and my mind is capitalizing.
I am also aware, on some level I suppose, that there is no imminent threat to my person, I'm safe in my house, yet I feel as though at any moment everything will just collapse. It's a generalized dread. A stronger me could handle this. I can't find her.
My rational mind knows that this will pass, but very acutely in the moment I'm having a hard time convincing myself that it actually will.
I'm crashing. It's a freefall. To quote some poem I read in high school, it's an ecstasy of fumbling.
I've got to get my feet under me.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 10:51:47
In reply to Right at this moment - suicide trigger, posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 10:46:43
SS, would it help to chat? I'd be happy to meet you in chat if it would help. If you'd prefer not to talk about what is upsetting you, I often find that distraction helps until meds kick in or I hear from my therapist.
You are such a special person. I think my therapist knows you by posting name, since I'm always telling him the very wise things you've told me.
Physical illness can really do a number on you. Can you call your therapist? If you think you're in any real danger, please contact someone IRL.
Posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 11:32:08
In reply to Re: Right at this moment - suicide trigger » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 10:51:47
a little chat would be great. I'm there.
Seldom.
Posted by LibraryGirl on January 24, 2009, at 11:36:57
In reply to Right at this moment - suicide trigger, posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 10:46:43
Hi SS,
I know it's so hard when emotional stress is at its highest, and then on top of it we feel physically ill and it feels like we'll feel that way forever. But as you said, it WILL get better, you WILL feel better. In the meantime, as Dinah said, if you are unsafe please get help IRL.
Take care,
LG
Posted by wittgensteinz on January 24, 2009, at 14:32:21
In reply to Right at this moment - suicide trigger, posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 10:46:43
SS,
I hope you got to chat with someone. I looked just now but the chatroom is empty so I guess I am a bit late.
I'm sorry you're finding it so hard. It really does suck away the energy when facing both physical and mental pain at one and the same time. Wishing you a quick recovery from that nasty-sounding respiratory illness you have.
Of course I have to emphasise what you already know deep down that things will get better. But does that really help while in the midst of it all? Please don't be afraid to lean on those close to you, that's what they are there for, including T. Please keep yourself safe. I'm worried about you and am holding you in mind.
Don't be afraid just to 'hover' along for the moment. You don't have to do anything or be anything in particular right now - just focus on getting through this, getting through the next few hours. Have you any meds you can take to take some of this pain away?
Freefall is exactly the word that comes to my mind when I feel this way - it's exactly that - it feels like there is nothing to grab on to. Your feet will come back, I promise you, but in the mean time it's ok to hover.
(((Seldomseen)))
Witti
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 24, 2009, at 14:43:09
In reply to Right at this moment - suicide trigger, posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 10:46:43
I'm right there with you, Seldom. All I can say is try to let the Babblers who aren't in this place with us throw you a rope. They're very good at it. And I'm sorry that you're here with me.
Posted by antigua3 on January 24, 2009, at 15:10:29
In reply to Right at this moment - suicide trigger, posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 10:46:43
Do you feel any better? If not, please either get help NOW or find a way to soothe yourself. I recommend sleep highly, if you can, especially since you feel physically ill.
Find a place deep inside to hold onto. For me, it's like a smooth, blue stone that I feel I can hold. It may sound silly, but it has helped me, to find a center to hold onto.
If not, you know the drill. You need to keep yourself safe, that's the number one task, so reach out IRL if you need to instead of suffering alone.
I know you're sick of hearing it, but this will pass. You will feel better, I promise you, you will.
antigua
Posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 16:58:31
In reply to Right at this moment - suicide trigger, posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 10:46:43
At least mentally. Physically, I think I am getting worse, but I do feel more capable of separating out the two now.
I chatted a while, went to my local coop to get some good food, played with my guinea pig and then butt planted on the couch to watch some bad TV. (I love it).
I have a pile of work to do, but just can't do it. It'll have to wait. I come first.
When one goes into one of those freefalls (and this is a steep one), it can be sooooo hard to catch yourself.
Everyone here helped immensely. Babble always does it seems.
I'm sure I'll be running around here on the bottom awhile, but I do feel as though something is firmer there than I did this morning.
Thanks again.
Seldom.
Posted by sharon7 on January 26, 2009, at 10:33:39
In reply to I do feel better. » seldomseen, posted by seldomseen on January 24, 2009, at 16:58:31
hey, seldom. im glad you feel a little better and hope that is still the case and that each day gets better and better. i hope today will be a good day for you. (o: - Sharon
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