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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on February 26, 2009, at 22:22:36
I come to it when I'm really in need. I have little (really no) compassion for myself for having such a great need and instantly feel like how could I possibly matter to anyone, especially since I have nothing to offer that anyone would need. It's a very unsafe feeling. Gradually, over a certain amount of time (usually), I start to feel re-connected and then almost present and grounded; capable of loving others and feeling cared for in return (can't ever really be love, of course), but it's something and I actually take it in. For the moment.
Then I run away. Hm.
So, since I just cried through therapy and I won't see her for a week (we just cut back due to $) I just want to cut her off all together. So, I'm trying this post. Starting my cycle, I suppose.
Posted by workinprogress on February 27, 2009, at 1:01:09
In reply to Funny, I treat this board a little like I do my T, posted by FindingMyDesire on February 26, 2009, at 22:22:36
Well FMD-I'd say a couple of things. It's a support board I think, so you've come to the right place if you need support. And two, you did more than just get your needs met here. You posted and shared yourself with us and I saw your post and I saw that I wasn't quite alone in all that *I* was feeling and that helped me. I connected with you, that's why I wrote earlier this month wondering where you were.
I, for one, am glad you're back. So... what's up? What do you need from us? How can I be supportive?
Try to be kind to yourself... you/we all deserve that.
((((((((((((((FMD)))))))))))))))))
- WIP
> I come to it when I'm really in need. I have little (really no) compassion for myself for having such a great need and instantly feel like how could I possibly matter to anyone, especially since I have nothing to offer that anyone would need. It's a very unsafe feeling. Gradually, over a certain amount of time (usually), I start to feel re-connected and then almost present and grounded; capable of loving others and feeling cared for in return (can't ever really be love, of course), but it's something and I actually take it in. For the moment.
>
> Then I run away. Hm.
>
> So, since I just cried through therapy and I won't see her for a week (we just cut back due to $) I just want to cut her off all together. So, I'm trying this post. Starting my cycle, I suppose.
Posted by antigua3 on February 27, 2009, at 8:14:24
In reply to Funny, I treat this board a little like I do my T, posted by FindingMyDesire on February 26, 2009, at 22:22:36
I know exactly what you mean about being in need, and unfortunately I too well understand the $$$ thing. It hurts.
Post away. You have many friends here who can offer the support you need. You are cared for here.
antigua
Posted by FindingMyDesire on February 27, 2009, at 11:11:13
In reply to Funny, I treat this board a little like I do my T, posted by FindingMyDesire on February 26, 2009, at 22:22:36
Thanks WIP & antigua,
I really appreciate it. I could not sleep last night at all. This cycle with my T happens so often that you would think that I would know by now that it will be OK in a couple of weeks. I guess I do suspect that (unless I really do quit therapy all together), but I don't *know* it inside. I just want too much. It makes me want to not want anything. I just want to cut off the wanting. And just thinking that hurts because I know I'd be erasing me then (by erasing I mean denying my importance or worth nothing worse than that). I just can't seem to have both - me and the need/want/desire that I feel when I'm in touch with me. I think I'm just rambling now.It sure is good to come back to this place. Don't anyone feel like I'm reliable though. I really can be such a terrible, terrible friend. Not because I mean to be. I can be very loving. I'm just not consistent. And I hate that about myself.
Posted by backseatdriver on February 27, 2009, at 13:41:14
In reply to Funny, I treat this board a little like I do my T, posted by FindingMyDesire on February 26, 2009, at 22:22:36
Hi, FMD.
Thank you for being so honest, so clear. I recognize a lot of what you're talking about, especially the excruciating feeling of dependency, and the subsequent not wanting to want, because wanting is so painful. I think your response to your situation is completely reasonable and understandable. It is a tough situation, with no easy answers. For me, the hardest part would be to just hold tight and not cut off my T.
FWIW, she's probably feeling the economic crunch too.
Wishing you peace and healing,
BSD
Posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2009, at 14:16:36
In reply to Re: Funny, I treat this board a little like I do m, posted by backseatdriver on February 27, 2009, at 13:41:14
Seriously anyone got any money as I'm being forced to self care at the moment and boy it's rough so depressed. But I do like the people here your're all so kind. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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