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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:39:27
I had a totally h*llish day. Both good overstimulation and very bad overstimulation. (The dealing with family sort of bad overstimulation.) Topped off with an emesis related near panic attack.
At the end of the bad overstimulation as I fled the scene, I called my therapist. He called back within an hour. The weird part (and unfortunate indication of potential growth) is that I don't think I really needed to call him. When I made the call, it felt like I was doing it more out of habit or a sense of what I should need than what I really needed. And he made things neither worse nor substantially better. It felt a bit forced.
Despite everything that happened, I didn't have a sense that I couldn't tolerate it.
And in the end, I seem to be on better terms with all my family than I was beforehand. Whether this is a good or a bad thing, I'm not entirely sure...
Is this what getting better feels like? Couldn't it *feel* a bit better? Or a lot better?
Posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:42:05
In reply to Is this getting better?, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:39:27
Of course, it was just one day, even if that day felt like a week.
I tend to do better short term than I do with even a lower level of stress extended over a period of time. I seem fine then pow! I fall apart.
So maybe it isn't getting entirely better. Just some better. A little growth.
I guess a little growth isn't bad.
Posted by antigua3 on May 30, 2009, at 7:50:05
In reply to Re: Is this getting better?, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:42:05
Yes, that sounds like "getting better" to me and you should be really proud of yourself. Of course, it can also be pretty scary realizing we may not need them as much as we once did. But it sounds like you handled this all very well.
I send you a warm, encouraging pat on the back.
antigua
Posted by Annierose on May 30, 2009, at 9:20:47
In reply to Is this getting better?, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:39:27
It does sound like despite feeling overstimulated, you were able to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings, stick with them and not let them shut you down. That's growth.
Don't beat yourself up for calling your t at that moment.
Posted by Dinah on May 30, 2009, at 10:26:32
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » Dinah, posted by antigua3 on May 30, 2009, at 7:50:05
> Yes, that sounds like "getting better" to me and you should be really proud of yourself. Of course, it can also be pretty scary realizing we may not need them as much as we once did. But it sounds like you handled this all very well.
It is terrifying. I'm not altogether sure why, but it's terrifying to me. It's so terrifying that I can't even think about why it's so terrifying before my mind veers off into less threatening channels.
Posted by Dinah on May 30, 2009, at 10:29:20
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » Dinah, posted by Annierose on May 30, 2009, at 9:20:47
I hate growth. :(
I'm more upset that I didn't need to call my therapist than that I actually called him. I prefer needing him, I think.
I'm going to have a big test of my theory I think. My mother's hospital stay seems more serious than we thought, not in terms of her life but in terms of the quality of her life. She needs someone to be there to help her fight for a second opinion, and I guess I'm going to be that someone. My gut is churning, my IBS is acting up, and I fear I'm going to have more than a few days of stress coming up.
Posted by raisinb on May 30, 2009, at 10:48:17
In reply to Is this getting better?, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:39:27
Oh yeah, that's definitely getting better--it has all the telltale signs :) Good for you.
It's never enough at once, though. Always these little increments.
Posted by Dinah on May 30, 2009, at 13:25:47
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » Dinah, posted by raisinb on May 30, 2009, at 10:48:17
It's a terrible thing.
But I've discovered that will I or nill I, growth will happen. :(
Posted by 10derHeart on May 30, 2009, at 18:25:55
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » raisinb, posted by Dinah on May 30, 2009, at 13:25:47
...not necessarily grow(ing)th *up* - thank goodness!!
:-)
Posted by Dinah on May 30, 2009, at 19:18:27
In reply to Yes, but... » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on May 30, 2009, at 18:25:55
Never!!
:)
I needed to talk to my husband about what to do for my mother. I told him "I need to pretend to be a grownup for a while, and I need to talk to... someone else pretending to be a grownup."
At least we were both able to laugh at that. It's nice that we've been together for forever. On some level we never did get past two teenagers playing house, even if our lives appear to be that of two dutiful adults.
Posted by Phillipa on May 31, 2009, at 12:49:18
In reply to Re: Yes, but... » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on May 30, 2009, at 19:18:27
Dinah I'm sorry didn't realize your Mother was ill. Love Phillipa
Posted by Tabitha on May 31, 2009, at 21:24:47
In reply to Re: Yes, but... » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on May 30, 2009, at 19:18:27
> On some level we never did get past two teenagers playing house, even if our lives appear to be that of two dutiful adults.
That just strikes me as incredibly romantic. How nice to be with someone who still remembers your teenage self.
Posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 7:43:26
In reply to Re: Yes, but... » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on May 31, 2009, at 12:49:18
Thanks, Phillipa.
Posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 7:44:59
In reply to Re: Yes, but... » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on May 31, 2009, at 21:24:47
:)
It's funny. I suppose that I never think of our relationship as particularly romantic, yet it is in some ways. Romantic doesn't always have to be mushy perhaps.
Thanks, Tabitha.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 1, 2009, at 8:28:05
In reply to Is this getting better?, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:39:27
Hi Dinah,
I agree it comes in increments, so I'm sure you still need him! :-)Sounds like something to be really "curious" about though. Will you talk to him about it?
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Don't feel like you can't call us or him the second you need (or don't need to). You could always just want to. Consistency (or habit) is sometimes comforting in and of itself.
FMD
Posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 10:03:20
In reply to Re: Is this getting better?, posted by FindingMyDesire on June 1, 2009, at 8:28:05
> Hi Dinah,
> I agree it comes in increments, so I'm sure you still need him! :-)I wonder sometimes. I know I need him sometimes, and I worry that if I only see him sometimes he won't be all that helpful to me when I need him.
> Sounds like something to be really "curious" about though. Will you talk to him about it?
Probably. He's been normalizing my feelings so much lately that I wonder why on earth he thinks I need to see him. I've been thinking of asking.
> I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Don't feel like you can't call us or him the second you need (or don't need to). You could always just want to. Consistency (or habit) is sometimes comforting in and of itself.
I like that idea! My therapist says that I can call just because I want to, but I like your way of saying it better. It sounds more therapeutic.
My mother got in touch with one of her regular doctors, who isn't being as horrible as the ones at the hospital. He encouraged her to transfer to the hospital he's at if they give her any more trouble. I swear, these doctors had my mild mannered uncle actually calling them names to their faces, so they must have been every bit as bad as my mother said they were.
Funny but sad story. Surgeon came in at 11pm and told her to sign a release to amputate her leg below the knee. When she said she wanted to learn more, see xrays, get a second opinion, etc. he told her he was tired, had been there since 4am and wanted to go home and to just sign it. From her account, she told him he was free to go home, but she wasn't going to sign away her leg without a good reason why just because he was tired. I imagine the reality was somewhat less polite and rational.
Posted by Phillipa on June 1, 2009, at 19:23:17
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » FindingMyDesire, posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 10:03:20
Dinah that's truly horrible. Everyone needs a second opinion with something as drastic as that. Your poor Mom. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on June 2, 2009, at 15:25:52
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on June 1, 2009, at 19:23:17
After a brief turn for the better, things seem to be getting worse. Not medically but with hospital relations.
:(((
I will be the last to deny that my mother can be beyond annoying. She alienates nearly everyone she meets, and is often met with dislike. Rather particularly with authority figures since they have the temerity to want to have authority.
But even so, isn't a hospital supposed to treat everyone? Not just the likable? However much sympathy I have for them, she still deserves the same treatment any patient deserves. We're trying to work something out now.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 2, 2009, at 15:49:44
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on June 2, 2009, at 15:25:52
Dinah,
I'm so sorry to hear about this. And, of course, everyone should be treated equally. It's healthy (for you) that you can see what is difficult about your mother, but bottom line is that she is a person and deserves the best care, and of course that is what you would want for anyone, and of course especially your mom!Please keep us updated if you can. Did she get the second opinion?
My father lost a leg for health reasons. It was profoundly difficult.
Hang in there.
((((((((((Dinah))))))))))
Posted by Dinah on June 2, 2009, at 17:35:19
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » Dinah, posted by FindingMyDesire on June 2, 2009, at 15:49:44
It looks like she'll keep her leg for now. But she's having tons of trouble with the doctors. It's gotten huge and complex and I'm staying out of it as much as possible.
If I have no power, I have to steer clear of feeling responsibility. I can really do no more than watch as if it were a train wreck.
I wish I could move and leave no forwarding address.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 2, 2009, at 18:35:15
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » FindingMyDesire, posted by Dinah on June 2, 2009, at 17:35:19
I have that fantasy a lot - leaving and not telling anyone where I'm going. Just leave it all behind. *sigh* Gawd, that feels so good just to think it!
:-)Sorry this is hard to watch. Hang in there.
FMD
Posted by Phillipa on June 2, 2009, at 21:37:34
In reply to Re: Is this getting better? » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on June 2, 2009, at 15:25:52
Dinah most definitely. Ask for the patient advocate. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on June 4, 2009, at 10:28:48
In reply to Is this getting better?, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:39:27
The last two days my anxiety has been off the chart, I am waking in the wee early hours, etc.
I'm not sure my therapist will be of much help though, since he himself thinks the situation with my mother is hopeless.
Posted by Phillipa on June 4, 2009, at 19:55:16
In reply to Well, maybe not, posted by Dinah on June 4, 2009, at 10:28:48
Dinah know nothing of your Mom what does she do? I'm sorry you're not sleeping that's the pits. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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