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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 3, 2009, at 15:48:05
As some of you know I have been in love with my t for 4 years and he has led me on, etc.....long story.
Last night we switched chairs (I was in his big rolling chair), he sat on the couch.....took off his shoes, put his legs up and relaxed. I smiled to myself. I doubt he's ever done that with another client.
He's been 2 weeks in the paranoid mode.....the "I want to keep my license"--and out of the blue! "I don't want to have an affair." It's SO ironic, HE is the one who has been misbehavin' all these years.
If your t got that comfy, how would you feel? had an urge to go sit next to him, but I didn't LOL, LOL
After his paranoid lecture last week......he threw me on the couch, and I had 2 black and blue marks...crazy stuff, I know
Hugs, Sassy
(who is having a hard time...June 7th, I would have been married 40 years; divorced after 31 years of abuse).
Posted by Dinah on June 3, 2009, at 16:53:28
In reply to Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 3, 2009, at 15:48:05
Sassy, black and blue marks are never ok, and they aren't at all romantic or flirtatious.
I can see why he's afraid to lose his license, and I hope if you still have them, you take photos and visit the police.
Posted by blahblahblah on June 3, 2009, at 20:40:27
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by Dinah on June 3, 2009, at 16:53:28
oh my god! that is insane. I wish my t would get that comfortable but then part of me knows i'm attracted to the boundaries in it. what are you going to do about it? do you feel it is helping you seeing him still?
Posted by BirdSong on June 3, 2009, at 21:11:47
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by blahblahblah on June 3, 2009, at 20:40:27
Your T "threw you on the couch" and you got bruises?
Um, maybe I am missing something but that seems abusive to me.
And whether your T was "comfy" or not is secondary to the fact that his behavior caused physical and emotional harm to you.
Woa.
Posted by no_rose_garden on June 3, 2009, at 22:45:41
In reply to Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 3, 2009, at 15:48:05
(((sassy))) That sounds like a difficult situation....
When I read the headline, I thought maybe he f*rt*d or something...eww!
Posted by blahblahblah on June 4, 2009, at 0:49:34
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by no_rose_garden on June 3, 2009, at 22:45:41
mine apologises if her tummy rumbles
Posted by Sigismund on June 4, 2009, at 1:51:57
In reply to Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 3, 2009, at 15:48:05
You're paying for this?
And you come from an abusive marriage, the pattern is being repeated, and you are OK with that?
Posted by Phillipa on June 4, 2009, at 12:34:14
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by Sigismund on June 4, 2009, at 1:51:57
Ahhh Sassy we do tend to repeat our mistakes different situation but doesn't sound healthy to me. I shouldn't talk as have done the same thing different situations all my life. I'm sorry about the anniversary of what you thought would be a lifetime committment to love. I do feel for you. Love Phillipa
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 4, 2009, at 13:30:07
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by Phillipa on June 4, 2009, at 12:34:14
Thank you, Philippa: You are always SO kind. Hugs, Sassy
Posted by BayLeaf on June 5, 2009, at 19:53:15
In reply to Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 3, 2009, at 15:48:05
as Phillipa said...about repeating life situations...yes. and what is the title of your book? couldn't it pertain to this situation as well?
do take care!
bay
Posted by fleeting flutterby on June 6, 2009, at 16:54:21
In reply to Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 3, 2009, at 15:48:05
>
> Last night we switched chairs (I was in his big rolling chair), he sat on the couch.....took off his shoes, put his legs up and relaxed. I smiled to myself. I doubt he's ever done that with another client.<<--flutterby: have you ever thought of it that he doesn't do that with other clients because he respects them. I wonder....How come you still don't seem to think you deserve respect?
>
> He's been 2 weeks in the paranoid mode.....the "I want to keep my license"--and out of the blue! "I don't want to have an affair." It's SO ironic, HE is the one who has been misbehavin' all these years.>>--fluterby: hope you understand my saying this, all in your best interest....... I don't see it as ironic, I see it as him carrying on where your "ex" left off.....
>
> If your t got that comfy, how would you feel?<<---flutterby: that he was NOT trustworthy and NOT safe at all and didn't give a damn about anyone but himself.
> After his paranoid lecture last week......he threw me on the couch, and I had 2 black and blue marks...crazy stuff, I know
>
> Hugs, Sassy
>
> (who is having a hard time...June 7th, I would have been married 40 years; divorced after 31 years of abuse).<<<----flutterby: Please understand Sassy, this comes from a caring heartfelt mind--- it seems to me you are searching for your next abuser and are content in letting this horrible, less than human being be just that. I'm sure he's having much fun with it all-- but at what cost to you? or , maybe it doesn't matter what the cost is to you..... maybe only negative attention is what you feel you deserve or can have....... it's quite apparent that it makes no difference to him. If it wasn't you it would be the next client that expects and anticipates abuse, at least that's how I believe this situation to be......
I hope I've not offended you-- you are so sweet and could be on a journey to kind, caring hearts instead of selfish, abusive ones.
I do so wish you courage, love and inner peace.
flutterby-mandy
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 8, 2009, at 8:07:10
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!? » sassyfrancesca, posted by BayLeaf on June 5, 2009, at 19:53:15
Hi, Bay: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice)....nahhh, my situation with my t, nothing to do with my story, as I see it.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 8, 2009, at 8:13:34
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!? » sassyfrancesca, posted by fleeting flutterby on June 6, 2009, at 16:54:21
Flutterby: You are such a dear, lovely person. I know that you care about what happens to me, and I am honored by that.
If I did not love my t, I would just blow him off. That is the crux of the whole problem!
I think he relaxes, because he feels so comfortable with me. I take that as a compliment, and I enjoy it. It makes me feel even more comfortable.
No, I dont' want negative attention (had enough of that, LOL)
I DO feel I deserve a loving kind caring man (haven't met one yet). I have written him a "how dare you have your cake and eat it too, etc...." letter.
Perhaps I will find the courage to eventually let him read it.
It is excruciatingly confusing (what he is doing); this back and forth; come here, go away, I am professional, now I am not junk.
Thank you for caring; you will never know how much that means to me (((Flutterby)))
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by Dinah on June 8, 2009, at 9:21:31
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!? » Phillipa, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 4, 2009, at 13:30:07
Sassy, I suspect you didn't find my post supportive.
I am supporting you to the best of my ability. But I can't imagine a situation where bruising you would be either therapeutic or in your best interests. Who knows how many clients he may be being physically violent with.
Am I misinterpreting the bruises? Did they come through some other manner than physical violence? Why is he throwing you on the couch?
Posted by Dinah on June 8, 2009, at 9:31:56
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!? » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2009, at 9:21:31
If I were to come to the board and say that my husband threw me on the couch last night, and I had black and blue marks what would you say to me?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 8, 2009, at 10:52:06
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!? » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2009, at 9:21:31
Hi, Dinah: Yes you are misinterpreting the bruises; he apologized and felt badly.....it wasn't a violence thing....I bumped into playfully and he pushed me (not professional I know), and I noticed 2 bruises.
The reason I say very little about what is going on is that I know some don't understand and are judgemental, and that is something I cannot bear to have happen.
you probably don't remember Jadah: She had a 5 year affair with her t; everyone was amazingly supportive and loving towards her. She also had cancer; I hope she didn't die.
Sassy
I guess that unless anyone has experienced what I have, no one can understand it.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 8, 2009, at 10:54:59
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2009, at 9:31:56
Dinah: I would have asked you the context....were you two playing and your husband unintentially bruised you....or
was he angry, violent and bruising you on purpose...that is what I would ask....as the moderator of an abused survivors' group.
Posted by Dinah on June 8, 2009, at 11:05:25
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!? » Dinah, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 8, 2009, at 10:52:06
I know people were supportive of Jadah, and I think they're supportive of you. But if I remember correctly, they were distressed at Jadah's therapists actions, and I think they may be distressed at your therapist's actions. It's a different thing entirely.
Now, if a therapist came to babble to talk about behaving inappropriately with a patient, that may not be met with support for continuing the activity. But hopefully with support for doing what was needed to not harm patients in the future.
I think this may be one of those occasions where less information may actually make your therapist look worse, and a bit more information may lead to less disapproval of his actions. Context is everything.
IMO, support doesn't necessarily mean approval of behaviors that are harmful.
However, if you wish only posts that contain no negativity towards your therapists actions, I would respect that and not respond if I can't respond positively about him.
But *you* have my support. I really wish for better for you than he seems willing to offer.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 8, 2009, at 12:26:11
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!? » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2009, at 11:05:25
Yes, I agree; people were distressed at Jadah's therapist's behavior; I know she eventually left him. I sure wish I knew what happened to her.
I know you re supportive of me, and I appreciate it more than you know.
You can say anything you want about my t; keep my eyes open, LOL, LOL
I know some things sound worse than they really are; it is hard when just using words.
Hugs n love, Sassy
Posted by Nadezda on June 9, 2009, at 18:43:12
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!? » Dinah, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 8, 2009, at 12:26:11
To be honest, it is really upsetting to hear about the way your therapist treats you, Sassy.
Even if you think it's different, and it's only because you love him, and is a compliment that he does this, it's no compliment for someone to jerk another person around about their caring, commitment, desire for such-and-such kind of relationship. It's no compliment, and no kindness and certainly no contribution to a person's emotional growth, or ability to set boundaries and have them-- and the person's feelings-- respected, to lead someone on, to keep them in an on-again- off-again, push-me/pull-you relationship.
I realize that you are very dependent on this man and can't separate from him. For this I feel very very regretful, and I do understand how these things develop. But to be honest, if this man respect ed and really cared about you, he would stop seeing you, and refer you to another therapist who could help you. If he truly loved you, he could wait 2 years and start a real relationship with you.
I understand that it makes you feel special-- and perhaps he sees you as special-- but it's not at all clear from this man's behavior that he's able to understand and draw boundaries with anyone.
I guess I can't be supportive of the relationship, from all I've read of it, and perhaps this isn't supportive of you. I'm very sorry for the abuse you've suffered in your life and wish you the best in coping with it. But perhaps this man really is helping you in way that's actually hurting you more than you realize.
Nadezda
Posted by BabyToes on June 10, 2009, at 10:59:27
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by Nadezda on June 9, 2009, at 18:43:12
((((sassy)))) I know how it feels....
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 11, 2009, at 10:55:32
In reply to Re: Did Your T Ever Get This Comfortable?!!?, posted by Nadezda on June 9, 2009, at 18:43:12
Dear Nadezda: I agree with you....I know he knows his behavior can be wrong. He said, "I trust you with my life." LOL,, I don't trust ANYbody with my life.
I've written a "how could you lead me on, etc....." letter. Hopefully, I will be able to give it to him. I thank you so much for caring.
Hugs, Sassy
This is the end of the thread.
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