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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by backseatdriver on June 4, 2009, at 14:19:18
Hi Babblers,
Is it ever right for the therapist to engage in emotional withholding in therapy?
For instance: Scenario is a male therapist and female patient. (My own situation, in other words.) If the therapist tears up at a patient's story, which is being related in an admittedly somewhat emotionless and dissociated fashion, and then refuses to explain what's happening with him at that moment, is this therapeutically defensible? How so?
I'm thinking it might be, in case the patient is having trouble staying with her *own* responses and tends to subordinate them to the therapist's and to caring for the therapist (who would seem to need care at that moment).
But I'm thinking the withholding might also be severely painful for the patient, who would then be out of touch with both her own material and the therapist's response to it. And it might also represent a missed opportunity -- the therapist's response might be a way *into* what the patient was said without feeling it.
Your thoughts?
BSD
Posted by antigua3 on June 5, 2009, at 12:45:44
In reply to emotional withholding in psychotherapy, posted by backseatdriver on June 4, 2009, at 14:19:18
When my T has teared up at my emotionaless recitation of an event, she usually explains that it is because she feels bad for me in what I'm telling her, that I had to face those things as a child. I admit that it has been helpful, as I have no barometer on the severity of what happened to me. She gives me perspective.
It sounds like this was her own issue that she didn't want to own up to. But that's just my opinion. I also agree that this makes the patient want to care for the T when it should be the other way around.
Tell her how you felt. It's important.
antigua
Posted by backseatdriver on June 5, 2009, at 13:01:54
In reply to emotional withholding in psychotherapy, posted by backseatdriver on June 4, 2009, at 14:19:18
Antigua -- thanks for your reply. I will bring it up - you're right, it's important.
I have just re-read my original post and I'm surprised by the affectless quality of it. Something's out of whack.
-BSD
Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 5, 2009, at 13:04:23
In reply to emotional withholding in psychotherapy, posted by backseatdriver on June 4, 2009, at 14:19:18
Dear Backseat,
This just seems impossible to answer to me, but I get why you would have a reaction to his reaction and want to know what was going on for him and whether or not it was about you and then feel like you want to care for him, but not want to have to.I agree with Antigua that sometimes my T showing a little emotion (which is rare) when I'm not letting all mine out helps with the "barometer on the severity."
I wish there would be a way to press your T about this interaction. I think connection is *the* most important thing in a way - no matter why he felt he should withhold. I hear that you want to feel connected to some part of it. At this point connecting about the disconnection might be most important.
I feel like I'm not making sense, but I sure wanted to respond to your post.
FMD
This is the end of the thread.
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