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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on May 21, 2009, at 9:20:31
I had a wonderful time in San Francisco only to return to work and become depressed because a fulltime person is leaving and the boss hired a new person to replace her. I was unaware of any of this. I feel insulted, new person is being trained to do things I know how to do because I filled in when old person was on vacation. I've been here a year and understand office politics and how things should be done. I have reminded Boss that I would like more hours and here was a chance to make me fulltime and I get slapped in the face- again. And again and again.
I know self-esteem should not be based on work, I know I have other qualities, blah, blah, blah.
I never cry, but am struggling not to just sit at my desk and let the tears flow. No one would notice as I don't exist or at least my feelings don't matter.
I see my T tomorrow. I see Dr. Clueless June 10. I just feel so down and a few days ago I felt so great. Damnit.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2009, at 10:45:05
In reply to Situational Depression, posted by Poet on May 21, 2009, at 9:20:31
:(
I'm sorry, Poet.
That really stinks.
Posted by Phillipa on May 21, 2009, at 12:20:08
In reply to Situational Depression, posted by Poet on May 21, 2009, at 9:20:31
Poet I'm truly sorry. Seems like a familiar thing things go well and slap. Wonder how many this happens to me with different situations. That was not nice. I'm on your side. You deserved the full time. Love Phillipa
Posted by seldomseen on May 21, 2009, at 16:02:55
In reply to Situational Depression, posted by Poet on May 21, 2009, at 9:20:31
Well, that does suck. I'm very sorry.
SOmetimes in a situation like that I ask myself what a mentally healthy "normal" person would do (not that I'm saying *you* aren't, but I certainly wouldn't put *myself* in the mentally healthy category, although sometimes I can do a miraculous job of faking it).
I really do think that anyone would feel badly in your current situation. Probably a lot of them would catastrophize as well.
However, one thing they might do is have a talk with their boss about what qualities they were looking for in that position. Then inquire as to what training opportunities might be available to help you develop them.
(I know, it's an end run around "why didn't you offer it to me", but sometimes it's just best not hear that outloud, it also lets your boss know that you want to improve and advance).
In the process they might learn that the hiring of someome else had absolutely nothing to do with them personally, but that other factors were at play.
I hope you feel better tomorrow and get some rest over the weekend. And, if I may, I would like to borrow a page from your book and give one big sloppy cyber *slap* to your boss.
Take care
Seldom.
Posted by Daisym on May 22, 2009, at 22:53:18
In reply to Situational Depression, posted by Poet on May 21, 2009, at 9:20:31
I'm sorry I missed you in SF. I totally forgot what has happening last weekend. :(
Work stuff is so hard. I'd make an appointment and go in and say, as evenly as you can, that you are disappointed that you weren't offer the position and ask how you could be considered for it the next time. This makes it real and very serious. It is also a bit of an HR issue as you should have been allowed to apply.
But all that said, you know all the answers already. Try not to take it personally or let it destroy all the work you've done on yourself.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by Poet on May 23, 2009, at 13:23:10
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Poet, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2009, at 10:45:05
Hi Dinah,
I went over things to say with my T and I'm going to write them down and email them to her. I am just crushed.
What really burns me is that his answer to my asking for more hours was always "I don't want to make any staff changes right now." So, when a staff change creates itself I still get passed over. He must truly hate me.
Poet
Posted by Poet on May 23, 2009, at 13:25:59
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Poet, posted by Phillipa on May 21, 2009, at 12:20:08
Hi Phillipa,
Thank you, I do deserve fulltime. I am so tired of history repeating itself: I do a good job and get slapped down. I cannot take much more of this.
Poet
Posted by Poet on May 23, 2009, at 13:30:16
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Poet, posted by seldomseen on May 21, 2009, at 16:02:55
Hi Seldom,
Thank you for the cyber slap to my boss's head. He deserves a real one, but he's an attorney and I would be in jail in two seconds for assault. Though it might be worth it.
I went over things to say to him with my T and am going to email them to her first. If I take enough Clonazepam I should be able to face him. I'm just afraid I will come off as angry, because frankly I am and anger is one emotion that I have no problem expressing.
You're right that I may not want to know the real reason, my crazy mind says it's because he hates me, but if he hated me he would have gotten rid of me a long time ago. Bigh sad sigh.
I'll post next Tuesday how it went with him. And here's another hard cyber slap to his jerk head.
Poet
Posted by Poet on May 23, 2009, at 13:35:11
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Poet, posted by Daisym on May 22, 2009, at 22:53:18
Hi Daisy,
I'm sorry you forgot about SF, too.
I went over things to say to Jerk Boss with my T and am emailing it to her before Tuesday when I plan to sit down with him. I'll take Clonazepam and hope I don't lose it.
I personalize rejection and work rejection is just the hardest for me to handle. My T took one look at me and said, "you're miserable, what's wrong?"
I'm doing some gardening even though it's raining so hopefully I will forget work for awhile, but that's so hard.
Poet
Posted by rskontos on May 23, 2009, at 18:10:47
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Daisym, posted by Poet on May 23, 2009, at 13:35:11
I am sorry you are so badly treated at work when I know you do a great job.
The advice to talk to him is good. I wish you could find a job where you are appreciated.
Try not to let it get to you personally although I understand how it feels and trying to not take it so is hard.
I feel for you Poet.
rsk
Posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 12:27:09
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Dinah, posted by Poet on May 23, 2009, at 13:23:10
I think that's a fabulous idea, Poet. One thing therapists are really good for is helping us with a tiny bit of distance with these sort of things.
Taking an antianxiety med first is probably a good idea too.
I complain about my job all the time. But I'm not unaware that I'm very lucky that my bosses understand that I might break down in tears (or tears of rage) at any moment. I know not all bosses are that sanguine.
I think seldomseen had a great idea about approaching him.
Posted by twilight on May 25, 2009, at 22:15:07
In reply to Situational Depression, posted by Poet on May 21, 2009, at 9:20:31
Office politics really sucks Poet, it just sucks. Sorry you had to go through this. Unfortunately at many workplaces this sort of thing happens on a regular basis and regardless of how well you do on the job, there is always some sort of nepotism going around.
Posted by Poet on May 25, 2009, at 22:29:41
In reply to Re: Situational Depression/poet, posted by rskontos on May 23, 2009, at 18:10:47
HI RSK,
I am nervous already about talking to him, even with T's coaching. I personalize rejection and so really no matter what his lame excuse is, I will have a hard time not saying me, me, me.
I will post how it goes. Unless I chicken out.
Poet
Posted by Poet on May 25, 2009, at 22:30:51
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Poet, posted by Dinah on May 24, 2009, at 12:27:09
Hi Dinah,
As tomorrow approaches I am getting more and more scared. I hope the clonazepam and T's coaching will get me through this.
Poet
Posted by Poet on May 25, 2009, at 22:32:36
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Poet, posted by twilight on May 25, 2009, at 22:15:07
Hi Twilight,
Office politics absolutely sucks and I am having major anxiety as well as depression over this. At least Clonazepam will help some of it.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2009, at 13:41:57
In reply to Re: Situational Depression » Dinah, posted by Poet on May 25, 2009, at 22:30:51
Let us know how it went?
Posted by Poet on May 26, 2009, at 20:30:33
In reply to I'm thinking of you, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2009, at 13:41:57
at least that's what he said to my face. I told Him I thought he hated me because everytime I asked for more hours I was turned down. No, he doesn't hate me, he was waiting for me to take the initiative. Right now I'm taking some initiative and sending a cyber slap to his head.
I asked him why I wasn't considered for the fulltime job and he said "I didn't think you were interested in taking on any more responsibilities. You seem content to just do what you've been doing. You do it very well, but you never once took initiative. Look at 'Mimi' she's doing many things she never did before because she always came in and asked if I needed help. You've never asked if I need help."
I said, "I've asked you for more hours many times and you always said you don't want to make staff changes."
His response: "you didn't take the initiative and say if I had more hours I would do this, this, and this. You didn't ask the right way." (WHAT?)
Well, I am so sorry, dumb ol' me assumed he'd see my request for more hours as a willingness to take on more work. I told him a few jobs that it would make sense that I take over as I do parts of them and could easily do it from beginning to finish. He said, there will be changes since "Julie" is leaving this week and he'll think about what I suggested. When I left he was talking to "Julie's" replcement so maybe she'll agree that I should take things over. Or she'll stab me in the back.
Tomorrow I will bravely ask if he thought about me taking over some things. Though in retrospect I should have said "I will need X amount of more hours to accomplish these new tasks."
At least I wasn't completely anxiety ridden: the seroquel I took to sleep last night, the clonazepam I had for breakfast and my T's help, plus all of your support and suggestions really got me through this.
I'll post tomorrow.
Poet
Posted by Poet on May 29, 2009, at 15:51:53
In reply to Well, he doesn't hate me, posted by Poet on May 26, 2009, at 20:30:33
or at least won't talk to me directly. I found out what duties I am taking over from the woman who left and the woman who replaced her. On Thursday Jerk Boss hence forth known as Cheapskate Boss called a staff meeting and I finally found out from him what I will definitely be doing. Two days after the others had told me.
Oh and of course, he said zip about more hours to do it in. So I am now depressed and having an anxiety attack fearing yet another job meltdown. T said I need to be proud that I confronted him to begin with and use that courage to confront him again and say I need more hours and spell out exatly why. Do it in writing if I have to.
Poet aka What's Her Name in the Corner Cubical
Posted by Dinah on June 2, 2009, at 16:55:58
In reply to Maybe he does hate me, posted by Poet on May 29, 2009, at 15:51:53
Posted by Poet on June 5, 2009, at 13:41:58
In reply to I hope everything's going ok (nm) » Poet, posted by Dinah on June 2, 2009, at 16:55:58
Hi Dinah,
He let me work an extra day this week, so maybe that'll continue. I'm thinking because he doesn't talk to me, he might think I should know I get extra hours. Yeah, just like I knew when I asked for more hours and he replied he didn't want to make staffing changes I should have outlined what I would do. I'm taking two clonazepam every morning so at least my anxiety is better.
Depression wise I'm feeling less depressed than I was when I originally posted, but still not where I was a few months ago.
I'll keep posting how it's going.
Poet
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