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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by garnet71 on June 11, 2009, at 20:40:43
Does anyone happen to know a support site focusing on people in psychotherapy? I just started intense psychotherapy with a new doctor and the whole experience is very strange. I feel really needy like I want to see him every day to talk and call him for reassurance!! I've never felt this way from therapy, and certainly not like this with any individual that I can remember. I am more the independent type rather than dependent, but have developed some sort of attachment to him and it is just bizarre. I think I really need to find a group with a lot of information and discussions regarding this topic because the effects from just 2 sessions have been so profound.
Also -does anyone know of any sites for PTSD/abuse survivors? I used to frequent a narcissist personality disorder survivor forum, which was great, but feel like I don't want to focus on the 'abuser', but need to focus more on myself and probably a general dicussion for a variety of diff. abuse survivors would be helpful.
I am just so confused now because I'm starting to feel neurotic-alternating between feeling grief, depression, anxiety, etc...I can't get anything done! Thank you
Posted by blahblahblah on June 12, 2009, at 1:30:53
In reply to Support for psychotherapy patients, etc., posted by garnet71 on June 11, 2009, at 20:40:43
you have come to the right place. It appears you may be getting transference from your T. Not too sure if it's paternal or not, will have to hear more about it. You should do some reading about it. If not there are a lot of us in here that go through that with our T's. I myself, feel anxious every second of the day unless i am talking to my T. i count down the days til i see her next, and have told her i will die if someone takes her away from me. So don't stress, it is very common to happen in pscyhotherapy. And yeah, it does hurt a lot, and i still don't know how it gets better, but they say that it is all part of the healing process.
I don't know of a specific PTSD/abuse site. if you find one let me know. i'd love to check it out. but yeah, there is plenty of support in here. if you want to talk there are lots of ears.
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2009, at 12:12:46
In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc., posted by blahblahblah on June 12, 2009, at 1:30:53
And good advise from those in long T relationships Phillipa
Posted by psychmom on June 12, 2009, at 17:24:02
In reply to Support for psychotherapy patients, etc., posted by garnet71 on June 11, 2009, at 20:40:43
I just singed up because i am going through a similar experience. I have been with my therapist for 3 years and we are finally makeing process, but he availability is causing so much chaos in my life.
Not fun to have these feelings!
Posted by garnet71 on June 12, 2009, at 19:14:59
In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc., posted by blahblahblah on June 12, 2009, at 1:30:53
Yeah, overwhelming transference. So I've chosen female therapists over the years, and never got ANYWHERE. Although my father was the in-your-face abuser, I realize my mother never parented me; perhaps we never attached. I have very vague, dispassionate, somewhat indifferent feelings associated with her. So why would transference occur with a male?
My mother let me drown except i was saved by a lifeguard at my moment of death when I was 5, almost let my sister drown in a river until my Dad saved her. She let (and enabled) my father to sexually abuse my sister and I, my brother physically abuse me while she locked herself in the bathroom while I was screaming, though I can't remember any more than that, and knew a doctor had sexually abused me once...cause that's one of the things that happened in my teens that I remember, i don't remember much from childhood, but she did nothing...and lots more..always did nothing but enable it all. I really feel for her, that she may have had post-partum depression for years (all 3 of us she used birth control with before she became pregnant; self-sabatoge?), I feel sympathy for her but little empathy; I think she secretly wanted us all (her 3 kids) to die. I thought about the abuse from my father all these years, only recently (past 2 years) realized, I think, my mother's behavior was more harmful than my father's. She always used to say, always, she wished our father died. He died when he was 46. My father went through horrific phsyical and emotional abuse as a child, I mean horrific, and I always thought he did the best he could; felt more empathy from him than from our mother. So why would I feel transference from a male and never a female therapist? I had parents, yet I feel like I grew up with no parents. Not even one.
My doctor had me feeling like a vulnerable little girl. I don't remember ever feeling that way, but that's the only way to describe the strong emotions. The only emotion I remember from childhood was feeling like an adult, that I never needed or depended upon anyone for anything. I can distinctly remember the day I was free-the day I lived on my own, with my son, the day I had to rely on no one but myself. Why do I feel needy with this doctor???
OMG-yes, I know what you mean!
Posted by antigua3 on June 12, 2009, at 20:17:25
In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc. » blahblahblah, posted by garnet71 on June 12, 2009, at 19:14:59
An alarm for me went off in your message--that you thought your mother secretly wanted you and your siblings to die. That just sounds like something really important to me that you need to talk to your T about.
My father was the abuser in our family, too, and my mother hid when the physical and emotional abuse was going on. She never tried to protect us, but that's because my father was pulling an even worse act on her. None of has can excuse her for her inaction, though. As a mother myself, I don't understand it, but I didn't live under the conditions she did.
But as I've worked my way through therapy, I've come to understand (but never excuse) my father's behavior. My mother says she didn't know about the sexual abuse, but when one is blind to what's going on around them, they can't see.
I'm just trying to say that I didn't know I had such huge issues with my mother until I worked (I'm still working hard on it, and it's certainly difficult) through some of the issues with my father. I loved, and still do love, my mother, but where in the world was she?
I find these mother issues almost harder to take, because I have no intention of confronting her over them. We have a very strong relationship, based on my hiding things from her, although I did get up the nerve to tell her about the abuse a couple of years ago.
I, too, have tremendous transference issues with my male pdoc. I specifically chose him because he was male and I hoped he could help me "resolve" (HA!) my issues with males. It's actually working OK, but not in the usual way I would have expected.
So I think you're OK; you're doing the right thing. You need to work on the issues with both your parents, maybe together or at different times, but identifying with the abuser/having transference with a T of the same sex as your abuser, no matter your own sex, is fairly common.
I may not be making any sense, but I had to post.
good luck,
antigua
Posted by emmanuel98 on June 12, 2009, at 21:01:32
In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc. » garnet71, posted by antigua3 on June 12, 2009, at 20:17:25
My father was the abuser as well, but, angry and unpredictable as he was, he was real, whereas my mother was so odd and anxious and distracted as to be unreal. I never felt any connection to her at all. I felt like my father thought of me -- mostly negatively, but I existed in his mind. I didn't exist in my mother's mind.
So I chose a male therapist and an older male at that. My father transference has been intense -- imagining my T as a loving father. It was overwhelming at the beginning.
My T (also a p-doc) was a lot like garnet's at the beginning. Very intense, very serious, pushing me very hard. I thought about therapy all week after I left and couldn't wait to see him again. But he told me that it was I, not him, who brought the intensity to the process. Most of his patients didn't react the way I did. The intensity of the process was hard and painful but also made it so worthwhile. I learned so much about myself so quickly and was able to make deep changes in myself. He was right there with me all the way.
So if you have the stamina and willingness to work, garnet, jump in with this guy and let it unfold. It can be a mind-blowing, transformative experience.
Posted by garnet71 on June 13, 2009, at 6:26:12
In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc. » garnet71, posted by antigua3 on June 12, 2009, at 20:17:25
Oh-you made a lot of sense, Antigua, thanks for sharing. I will tell him about my thoughts about my mother; i just don't know if it's rational. It's more intuitive. I'm understand transference a lot more now after discussing this; its been helpful to hear all your views and stories.
Posted by garnet71 on June 13, 2009, at 6:27:29
In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc., posted by psychmom on June 12, 2009, at 17:24:02
Well glad you came here, psychmom. I'm just learning about this therapy stuff. So you've been working on it for 3 years-so what's changed, and what's similar?
Posted by garnet71 on June 13, 2009, at 6:30:14
In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc., posted by emmanuel98 on June 12, 2009, at 21:01:32
Well that makes 3 of us with abusive fathers and neglectful/denial/unattached mothers! I can say ditto to every thing you just said. Wow, my situation is so similar to yours, though I know they are all unique at the same time. While reading your post, I was wondering if you have the same PDoc as I do!
Thanks for sharing~
Posted by garnet71 on June 13, 2009, at 8:15:25
In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc., posted by emmanuel98 on June 12, 2009, at 21:01:32
Hey again, since your situation sounds so similar to mine, can you tell me if you took meds during therapy and how long you've been in that therapy?
We didn't not really discuss meds yet, just for a minute. I don't know if I want to be on any ADs because they inhibit my emotions; I want my emotions fully intact for this.
At the same time, I'm not sure how to control the neurosis felt after stirring up such emotions.
I did have to take several xanax after the second session w/him, but the next day, the compartmentalized anxiety actually turned into grief, then went away on it's own when I decided not to take a xanax and think about the grief emotion instead, as strange as that sounds.
Can you tell me how you retained your stability while undergoing psychyodynamic therapy?
Posted by antigua3 on June 13, 2009, at 9:25:13
In reply to Question for you about meds w/therapy » emmanuel98, posted by garnet71 on June 13, 2009, at 8:15:25
That's a great question. How to retain your stability through all this.
antigua
Posted by emmanuel98 on June 13, 2009, at 19:25:19
In reply to Question for you about meds w/therapy » emmanuel98, posted by garnet71 on June 13, 2009, at 8:15:25
I took an anti-depressant from the very start. Since then I've taken other meds for severe depression with mixed results. My T is very big on meds and says we can't really do therapy if I'm severely depressed -- all we do is work on trying to keep me out of the hospital. I don't find that meds cover up my emotions, they just keep me from getting severely depressed. They haven't interfered with therapy at all.
As far as how to handle intense therapy all I can say is that it wasn't easy. I started therapy four years ago and, at the time, I had a job that only required half my brain which was very lucky because therapy was eating up most of my attention. My T always tells me that I work really hard. He says this admiringly, as if it's something I can control. But I had no choice in the matter. I worked hard at therapy because it consumed my mind.
> Hey again, since your situation sounds so similar to mine, can you tell me if you took meds during therapy and how long you've been in that therapy?
>
> We didn't not really discuss meds yet, just for a minute. I don't know if I want to be on any ADs because they inhibit my emotions; I want my emotions fully intact for this.
>
> At the same time, I'm not sure how to control the neurosis felt after stirring up such emotions.
>
> I did have to take several xanax after the second session w/him, but the next day, the compartmentalized anxiety actually turned into grief, then went away on it's own when I decided not to take a xanax and think about the grief emotion instead, as strange as that sounds.
>
> Can you tell me how you retained your stability while undergoing psychyodynamic therapy?
Posted by emmanuel98 on June 13, 2009, at 19:31:24
In reply to Question for you about meds w/therapy » emmanuel98, posted by garnet71 on June 13, 2009, at 8:15:25
One more thing about your last question -- how I retained my stability. The answer is, I didn't. But when I started therapy I was falling apart. I had gotten seriously addicted to painkillers and to alcohol to try to keep myself stable and functioning but they weren't working for me anymore. I was so depressed I couldn't function. So there was no stability to retain. I was on the rocks at the beginning. Therapy gave me hope. I felt intuitively from the first time I met with my T that this was something I needed to do and that it would help me. Feeling that gave me some hope that eventually I would become stable again.
>
> Can you tell me how you retained your stability while undergoing psychyodynamic therapy?
Posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2009, at 21:03:35
In reply to Re: Question for you about meds w/therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on June 13, 2009, at 19:31:24
I just have to ask if you don't want to answer that's fine are you stable today with or without meds? Thanks Phillipa
Posted by emmanuel98 on June 13, 2009, at 21:16:22
In reply to Re: Question for you about meds w/therapy » emmanuel98, posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2009, at 21:03:35
Pretty much. I still get into these really deep depressions. The only drug that really works for me, and it works like a charm, is abilify. Unfortunately, it also makes me gain weight. So I've been on and off of it and when I'm off, my mood gets pretty dark.
On the other hand, I had a lot of problems dealing with life before I started therapy. I had no friends; my husband was about to leave me; I was in debt and addicted to drugs; I had had a professional setback that I could not accept and let go of, that I chewed over day and night; my emotional responses were so out of control that I couldn't deal with people at all.
These problems are gone today. That's what therapy helped me with, learning to recognize emotions, talk about problems in relationships, controlling emotional responses, stuff like that. The depression really feels more physiological and out of my control. My T has me working with another T -- a social worker who does DBT -- to get more control over the depression.
> I just have to ask if you don't want to answer that's fine are you stable today with or without meds? Thanks Phillipa
Posted by garnet71 on June 14, 2009, at 0:18:14
In reply to Re: Question for you about meds w/therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on June 13, 2009, at 21:16:22
It sounds like you came from a very dark place and are now at a grey place. That's somthing to think about. It seems addiction consumes a person's soul. Two people close to me had their lives totally fall apart due to addiction. One of them has been healthy and non-neurotic for 4 years now. Has a baby. Just got married. Wonderful person, so wonderful that she inspires many people who had never been addicted. I hear people tell her that all the time. Four years ago, she was doing heroin and didn't give a f*ck about anything.
I think you've come such a long way, Emmanuel. You should be patting yourself on the back. Hold your head up high. Stand proud.
Posted by emmanuel98 on June 14, 2009, at 18:03:57
In reply to Re: Question for you about meds w/therapy » emmanuel98, posted by garnet71 on June 14, 2009, at 0:18:14
Thanks. My husband and daughter are pretty proud of me.
>
> I think you've come such a long way, Emmanuel. You should be patting yourself on the back. Hold your head up high. Stand proud.
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