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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on June 23, 2009, at 0:50:25
I started a new group -once again specifically for sa - with the same therapist I've been in group with before. There are more people this time, which is hard for me. So much monitoring to do! I catch myself intellectualizing or trying to be in charge. More in alliance with the therapist than with the other members.And I've been aggressive, for me at least, pushing someone, calling them on their ability to not talk about themselves but rather other people's experience. I was sort of shocked at myself, even as I heard myself say, "but I could be wrong, of course." What a smug b&tch! It so isn't me.
So what is it that is causing all this anxiety in me? I think it is trying not to compare experiences and failing miserably. No matter how much I tell myself that you can't compare or judge, I know my experience is so much more extreme that I feel like a freak. I can't even encapsulate stuff, I've never told my mother or confronted my dad...and they all have. There is nothing quite like feeling like odd-man-out, even among a group of survivors.
I need to figure out what I want from this therapy and why I'm there. Because until I do, it is sheer self-torture, which doesn't make sense at all.
I just thought I'd share a little. thanks for listening.
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 23, 2009, at 6:38:32
In reply to New Group - Old Fears, posted by Daisym on June 23, 2009, at 0:50:25
I'm so sorry. It makes total sense that this could be torture for you and yet you keep pushing yourself to get through it. I'm impressed again by your strength and courage.
(((((((((Daisy)))))))))))
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2009, at 7:01:22
In reply to New Group - Old Fears, posted by Daisym on June 23, 2009, at 0:50:25
(((( Daisy ))))
> I need to figure out what I want from this therapy and why I'm there. Because until I do, it is sheer self-torture, which doesn't make sense at all.
That does make sense.
What ways are you similar to the others? Is it part of the group culture that encapsulation and confrontation are part of the expected steps?
Posted by Nadezda on June 23, 2009, at 11:21:10
In reply to Re: New Group - Old Fears » Daisym, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2009, at 7:01:22
Hi, Daisy.
You know-- it's just plain old hard to start a new group. And that in itself could be causing you to act somewhat differently from usual-- not to mention kicking up anxieties.
And also-- in my experience, I tend to see myself as a freak, or different (and not in a good way) in general-- and it's magnified in my mind when I meet new people-- but the thing I try (not terribly successfully) to remember is that everyone feels that way. Even if to you "they" have more in common and you're the odd man out-- I'd be quite surprised if many of them don't feel that way, too-- and that each has noticed the ways in which s/he is "different" and doesn't fit in. Particularly if that's part of their self-image-- it's bound to be intensified in a new situation with new people--or, to be honest, with 'old" people when new things arise.
It takes time-- and may be a difficult or rocky process. I know you've felt uncomfortable in the past-- and have felt as if you've failed to become comfortable in other groups. But it does take time-- and getting to know people on a deeper level. It's only then that you find the connections, and recognize the similar -- and different struggles-- that others also have. It can happen, though-- if you can tolerate the anxiety. (Not that I always can-- I've become persona non grata in a group, and I look back and see how I let my pessimism and anxieties about being accepted and respected and cared about get in the way of my feeling any of those things.)
I know it's very very tough-- much harder-- when you've experienced sa. Everything can be so much more intense and painful-- and deeply dislocating to one's sense of self and other-- but I admire your taking the risk again. I really hope it can work out for you-- because maybe finding commonalities could really comfort and strengthen you-- and help you to know more deeply that you aren't so alone, despite what you've gone through-- and despite the differences---
Nadezda
Posted by Phillipa on June 23, 2009, at 12:29:44
In reply to Re: New Group - Old Fears » Dinah, posted by Nadezda on June 23, 2009, at 11:21:10
Is it possible since a group to kind of sit back and get a feel for the others? Phillipa
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